Empathy

Rating: NC17
Summary: Clark learns something about Lex, and about himself
Challenge: Lex is actually gay/bi, but was raped just before he ended up in Smallville, and has trouble with the guy-sex thing. Clark knows how to help, of course. (kira-nerys)
Disclaimer: No, they don’t belong to me, and no, I’m not making any money from this
NOTE Part of the Clex Fest at http://www.kardasi.com/Lexclusive/Clex-Fest/

Clark lay in bed, twisting and turning restlessly. Sleep seemed an unreachable goal that night. Hardly surprising, considering what had happened earlier. He'd been trying not to think about it, but now alone and in the dark, he couldn't help it.

He'd finally, *finally*, gotten the nerve to tell Lex how he felt about him. What a mistake... only, it hadn't been. As soon as he'd kissed Lex, Clark had felt it... something had clicked, almost literally. Something had happened in that brief second when Lex had kissed him too. A bond had formed, letting Clark feel that his love was returned, before his friend's fear had overwhelmed them both.

And instead of letting Clark comfort him, Lex had pushed him away, made him leave. Clark had been too confused and hurt to make any kind of protest, the bond too new for him to understand that it wasn't *him* Lex was afraid of, not really.

But what did he do now? Clark *knew* with every fibre of his being, in every part of his heart and soul, that Lex loved him, that they were mated, now and forever, but he also knew that Lex was pulling away from him in fear. Why? And how could he reassure his friend?

With those questions on his mind, Clark finally drifted into sleep.

*** He was being held down again, struggling was useless, his attacker was too strong. Bile rose in his throat as he felt the last of his clothes being ripped off and he redoubled his efforts desperately.

Laughter rang in his ear and he was smacked hard across the back of the head, adding to the other pains that already racked his body. His arms were wrenched back, pulling open barely closed cuts, and tied. A vicious twist of his balls had him crying out and more laughter mocked him.

Red hot agony as the knife traced over his back, lines following the definition in his muscles. He could feel the hot stickiness of his blood trickling down his sides to pool with the congealed mess of blood and semen that had gathered previously.***

Clark woke screaming, heart pounding, hyperventilating helplessly, struggling until he heard the sound of ripping cotton and his mother's panicked voice. Oh God, just a dream, just a dream. God!

"Clark?"

"I'm okay, Mom," Clark breathed out heavily, somehow not quite able to rid himself of the feel of rough hands molesting him, the searing slice of the dagger on his skin. His skin crawled and he shuddered helplessly.

"Are you sure?" His mother sat on the bed next to him and took his hand.

Clark resisted the desperate urge to crawl into her lap for comfort and nodded again, "Yeah, Mom, just a nightmare."

"Anything you want to talk about?" she asked gently.

"No, Mom, really," Clark managed to suppress the shudder this time as the memory of pain and fear swept through him again.

She bit her lip and eventually nodded, getting up to leave the room again, "Goodnight, honey."

"Night, Mom." Clark rolled over to his side and hugged his knees up to his chest, trying not to give into the tears stinging his eyes. "God," he whispered. It had seemed so real, *so* real and yet, as if it wasn't really happening to him. Clark didn't think he could face sleep that night... he just couldn't.

@>*~

School was horrible. Clark couldn't concentrate during class. No matter what he tried, he couldn't prevent memories of his dream invading his mind, making his chest clench with fear.

Worse had been other people; Pete and Chloe trying to find out what was wrong, the strange looks he was getting as he wandered round in a wide eyed semi-daze, flinching fearfully and violently whenever another guy so much as brushed past him.

When Whitney had stopped him to ask him something, he'd barely been able to breathe as his chest had constricted and his heartbeat had gone out of control. Clark had actually whimpered before he'd turned and run for the bathroom... where he still was, locked in a stall, trying to work out what the hell was wrong with him.

The bell finally rang and Clark peered cautiously round the stall door, before running for it, speeding away from the school mindlessly.

Clark was only mildly surprised when he found himself at the castle. He was in hell, who else would he turn to but his best friend and mate? Except, after yesterday, he wasn't so sure he'd be welcome. Clark stared up at Lex's window and sighed. He *needed* Lex and somehow, he knew Lex needed him too. But... Clark frowned and scanned the building, there was no one there. Running round to the side of the castle, Clark checked the garage too. The Ferrari wasn't there.

Clark squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then quickly, he ran home. Using his top speed, he ran into the house, grabbed the phone and ran to his room without his mother knowing he was there.

He went through every number he had for Lex and every one had the same message; that Lex was only contactable through his Metropolis number. The one Clark didn't have. He tried enquiries, he tried LuthorCorp, he even tried to get through to Lionel Luthor, but it was no good.

With a small, desperate cry, Clark flung himself onto his bed, curling up and finally giving in to the tears that had been threatening since the night before.

"Clark, is that you?" His mother peered into his room, her expression immediately becoming worried. She hurried into the room and sat beside him, pulling him into her arms. "Honey, what is it?"

Clark sobbed. "Lex," he managed.

"What about Lex?"

"Gone." Clark buried his face in her neck, breathing deeply for the comforting scent of fabric conditioner and honeysuckle.

"Lex is gone?"

Clark nodded.

"Where?"

"I don't know, can't reach him," Clark whispered, pulling back to wipe his nose.

"Sweetheart, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but, why are you so upset?" she asked quietly.

Clark bit his lip, "Because I need him?"

"Clark," his mother frowned, "You don't sound very sure."

"I'm not," Clark realised as even as he said it, "It's all so surreal, everything since that nightmare has felt like it's not really happening to me."

She frowned worriedly and Clark hastened to reassure her. "It's okay, Mom, I'm okay. Let's just go get ready for dinner, okay?"

She sighed, but nodded, holding out her hand to him. Clark managed a smile and followed her down the stairs.

@>*~

Clark lay in bed, sleepless and restless again. Quite how he'd made it through dinner, he wasn't sure. Why the dream had affected him so badly, Clark couldn't begin to fathom. But he knew one thing; he really didn't want to go to sleep that night.

Eventually though, the lack of sleep from the previous night and the stress of the day conspired against him, to send him drifting off into sleep.

***The fear was paralysing as a hand brushed over his bruised, naked scalp and fingers gripped his jaw painfully. His eyes were squeezed shut in the hope that maybe this would all just stop. The dagger pressed into his neck, tiny pin pricks of blood welling through the barely pierced skin.

More laughter and something large and fleshy pressed at his lips. His mouth was forced open and was filled abruptly. He gagged at the sour taste of stale urine and tried not to choke as his gorge rose. The invading organ pulled back, then shoved down his throat, scraping him raw.***

Clark woke screaming again, throat hoarse, clawing at his lips and mouth, spitting to try and get rid of the hideous taste."Lex," he gasped in horror. It *wasn't* him, it was Lex.

"Lex? What has Lex done to you?"

Clark stared up at his father, "Nothing, this is my fault."

His father stepped into the room and Clark felt the fear welling up inside him, almost paralysing. He backed away, heart breaking a little at the shock and hurt on his father's face. "Dad, please, don't," Clark whispered, holding up his hand defensively.

"Clark?"

"Please, go away, I can't..." Clark's breath started to hitch helplessly.

"Clark!"

"Dad, *please*," Clark begged, tears springing to his eyes. He *knew* he had no reason to fear his father, but he just couldn't seem to help it, terror overwhelmed every part of him. The blond Kent finally backed away and Clark felt as if he could breathe again.

His mother approached him carefully, "Clark, is it okay if I come in?"

Clark nodded, more than almost anything, he needed his mother. What he really needed was Lex, to hold Lex, find out what had happened, whether the dreams were really his. Whether they were true. He clung to her soft, small form tightly, gaining some measure of comfort.

"I'm sorry," Clark whispered.

"Oh honey, you can't help your dreams. But I can't understand why they're affecting you so badly, why you're scared of your father," she whispered.

"I don't know, Mom, I just don't know," Clark sighed. His chest ached with need for Lex and residual fear. But what could he do? Lex had run away and Clark didn't know where to even start.

Eventually, his mother left him alone, after Clark's reassurances that he'd be okay. He could hear his parents talking for ages afterwards as he forced himself to stay awake. There was no way in hell he was going to sleep again.

@>*~

School was a disaster. Clark was sitting in the counsellor's office, waiting for his mother. He'd started screaming in class, unable to help it as another dream had overwhelmed him, suddenly and completely. There had been no warning, no defence. And it had been *so* much more brutal and violent than the previous two. Clark shuddered and tried not to retch. He still hurt, *inside*.

He was horrified, terrified, nauseated... this time he *knew* it wasn't just some terrible dream of Lex's, it was memory. And it caught at his heart and soul, tore him apart that Lex thought he had to deal with it alone, that he could be scared of losing him.

And he was *so* angry. So fucking furious, that that scared him too. He was battling with himself not to just run until he found the bastard who'd done this to Lex and tear him apart. *No one* hurt Lex!

By the time his mother picked him up, Clark was shaking from lingering fear, ever growing anger and just sheer need to find Lex.

"Mom," Clark whispered, staring up at her pleadingly. Her breath hitched a little as she stared back. Then she hugged him.

"Go," she whispered.

Clark blinked back tears and hugged her back tightly. "Thanks, Mom." And then he was running, faster than he ever had before. He didn't stop until he reached the LuthorCorp headquarters in Metropolis. Clark stared up at the massive building for a second, then, using his speed again, he began to climb. He climbed up the side of the building until he reached the top floor, peering carefully through the walls till he found Lex's office.

His heart twisted in his chest at the sight of his best friend, so pale, dark smudges under his eyes, body so tense it looked like every muscle was on the verge of snapping. But it was the photograph on the desk that nearly broke Clark. A picture of him and Lex, sitting side by side, looking at each other and smiling.

"God, Lex," Clark whispered. Quickly he climbed up to the roof and used the private elevator to Lex's office.

"Clark?!" Lex exclaimed when he saw him.

Clark offered him a sad half-smile. "Lex."

"What are you doing here?" Lex whispered, standing abruptly.

"I need you, you need me... I love you, Lex."

"No," Lex backed away, shaking his head.

"Yes, Lex," Clark said quietly. He stayed on the threshold of the room, trying to control the fear he could feel emanating from his friend. He tried to project all the love he felt to Lex, reassurance, comfort, "Can't you feel it? Please, Lex, try and feel it. I can feel what you feel, I know it goes both ways."

Clark watched the older man carefully, still sending love towards him.

He was almost amazed when he saw Lex start to relax, to stare at him wonderingly.

"Clark, I... I don't understand," Lex frowned in confusion.

"I love you," Clark repeated, "And I know you love me. When we kissed, something happened... I, we bonded. I know, Lex, I know what happened to you."

Lex flinched and looked away, "How is that possible?"

"I don't know for sure," Clark cautiously made his way further into the room. "But I assume it's something to do with the way my people mate."

"Your *people*?" Lex sounded just the right side of hysterical.

Clark sighed, "I know this isn't great timing, and it's so not how I pictured telling you..."

"What, Clark?!" Lex snapped harshly.

"That I'm an alien, that the meteor shower was my fault... that I've been sharing your dreams since we kissed," Clark whispered.

"Alien?" Lex gasped, sitting back down, "Wait... sharing my dreams? Oh God, Clark, I'm so sorry."

"No, don't." Clark forgot caution and hurried towards Lex, dropping to his knees beside him, ruthlessly crushing the hurt when Lex flinched. "I'm glad, not that it happened to you, but that I understand. It wasn't your fault, Lex. I love you, nothing will change that. Please, Lex, let yourself feel me," he begged quietly.

Lex inhaled deeply and shuddered, "Clark, I..."

"Please," Clark repeated.

Swallowing hard, Lex nodded and sat back, closing his eyes. Again, Clark let himself feel all the love he had for Lex, the feeling of completion his friend gave him.

"Oh God, Clark," Lex gasped, reaching out for him, "God. I'm sorry, Clark, I just... I didn't want to lose you."

Tentatively, Clark drew Lex onto his lap, holding on tightly when his best friend clung to him, crying silently. "Never, Lex, you'll never lose me."

He gently stroked the smooth scalp, nuzzling into Lex's neck, dropping tiny kisses onto the soft skin. Lex made a tiny noise and shifted his head, almost stroking against Clark's hair. Soft lips dragged across his cheek and finally, their lips met in a desperately needy, sweet kiss that made Clark's chest tighten again.

Lex moved until they were facing each other, never breaking the kiss, in fact grasping Clark's collar and dragging him closer.

"I need you... I need you to..." Lex stopped.

"Anything, Lex, anything," Clark's face darkened with anger, "I'll even find him if you want me to, so you can do whatever you need to him, I don't care." Clark's heart started to pound again as he realised he meant it. He would help Lex do whatever he needed, even kill the bastard who'd raped him.

"No!" Lex hushed him vehemently, clapping a hand over his mouth, "No, Clark. I don't want you lowering yourself to his level, *I* won't lower myself to his level. He's not worth it. I just need you," Lex's voice dropped to a whisper, "Just you, please, Clark, take the nightmare away."

Clark swallowed hard, "How?"

"Make love to me?"

With a hitching breath of relief and need, Clark nodded, gathering Lex into his arms. "Let's go home," he whispered.

Lex finally smiled, the smile that only Clark saw. Clark felt his heart release the fear and pain and he smiled back, purely happy. He dropped a soft kiss onto Lex's lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, Clark."

end

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