Haunted: Dark Light

BAM

“Come on, come on,” Bam muttered. Why was it always when he was actually in a hurry that his bag seemed to be the last out? He glared at all the people grabbing their bags from the carousel and gripped his carry-on bag tightly over his shoulder. At twenty-five he still had little patience.

Finally, he spotted the bright pink heartagram on the side of his suitcase and dodged through the crowd, jumping over trolleys and luggage to grab it as quickly as he could.

“Hey!” Someone moved in front of him and tugged on his sleeve. “You're Bam Margera.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I am.”

“Oh dude, can I have your autograph?”

“Sure.” He put his bag between his feet and took the pen and paper being shoved in his face.

“Oh my God!”

He heard another squeal and rolled his eyes.

“Oh my God, Bam Margera!” Two girls ran up to him, pawing at him and he squeezed his eyes shut, biting back a groan of annoyance.

“Look!” he snapped then sighed again when his three young fans looked confused. “I'm really sorry, but guys, I'm really in a hurry.”

“But he got an autograph.”

“Okay, fine but quickly, please.” He quickly signed some more bits of paper, kissed the girls' cheeks and picked up his bag to run for it before anyone else spotted him. He got through passport control quickly, knowing everyone who worked there well enough that they pretty much just waved him through.

Pushing almost rudely past two couples, he walked out into the arrival hall, scanning the crowd avidly. Over to one side, he finally saw what he'd been aching to see for two solid months.

“Ville!” he yelled, hurrying over to his lover. Green eyes shone happily, fixed on him as they ran towards each other. A couple of feet away, he dropped his bags and flung himself into his lover's arms, clinging on, burying his face in his neck to inhale deeply as Ville caught him and held him tight. Although he could detect a faint hint of tobacco and smoke from his lover's coat, Ville smelled just of himself, something he loved because he'd never quite got used to the smell of cigarettes.

“I missed you,” he breathed. “Oh God, I missed you.”

Ville's hands slid up and down his back, then up to his neck as he eased back slightly, staring at him.

“Baby,” he sighed.

“Shh. Just let me look at you for a moment,” Ville whispered, smiling brightly.

Breathing deeply to try and slow his pounding heart and control his tightening groin, he nodded. Ville was always the same when they'd been apart for any length of time, it was like his lover needed to check over every detail before doing anything else.

“I'm here, I'm safe, I love you,” he whispered.

“God Bam,” Ville said, breathing in sharply. “I missed you so much.”

He leaned in again and kissed him, the gentlest pressure of lips on his and Bam sighed, opening his mouth encouragingly, his dick surging already. Ville sank into him, tongue probing deep, one hand sliding up to clutch his cheek as the kiss grew less gentle and more claiming. He slipped his arms under Ville's coat and round his slim waist, pulling him as close as he could, feeling an answering hardness at his lover's groin.

“I need to get you home,” Ville muttered against his lips.

“And fast, baby,” Bam said, hearing both their names being shrieked somewhere near. He shoved his carry-on bag at his lover and hefted the suitcase. Taking Ville's hand, they ran for it, ducking quickly into a taxi and escaping just in time.

“I swear to God someone's telling them my flightplans,” he said.

Ville chuckled. “Quite possibly. You know how the girls get when you 'visit'.”

“I know but come on, I haven't seen you, a little privacy isn't too much to ask surely?” He slid an arm round his lover and Ville curled into him. “What's with the beard, Jack Sparrow?” he asked, running his fingers through the sparse growth on his lover's chin.

“And I thought you hadn't noticed,” Ville chuckled.

“Second thing I noticed.”

“Second?”

“Yeah, after noticing how fucking gorgeous you are.”

“Biased.”

“Very,” he agreed with a grin. The older man nuzzled gently into his neck and nipped his earlobe. His groin tingled and he shifted slightly. “Easy baby.”

“I want you now,” Ville whispered, licking up the rim of his ear. He squirmed against the pulse of his erection and turned to kiss his lover, hard and quick.

“As soon as we get home, lover... you can do whatever you like,” he whispered.

“If I can wait that long.” Ville kissed him again, sucking on his bottom lip for a moment before plunging his tongue back inside. His hands trailed over his chest and Bam glanced at the taxi driver from the corner of his eye. He was paying them no attention so he hooked a leg over his lover's lap and pulled him closer, running his hands under Ville's shirt to trace over his tattoos. The contrast in texture and grain between skin and the scar tissue of the tattoos under his fingertips made him shiver and he kissed back harder, sliding his tongue over his lover's before he pulled back completely so as not to risk losing control.

Ville whined quietly but dropped his head onto his shoulder without further complaint. He stroked soft hair gently and sighed in relief as the taxi finally turned into their road. They paid the driver quickly and ran into their apartment. Ville slammed the door shut, dropped his bag and shoved him up against the wall. Dropping his other bag, he put his hands on his lover's hips and yanked him up against his body.

“Edge off?”

“No,” Ville murmured, rubbing his face into his neck. “Need to be in you.”

“Good,” he said, shoving Ville's coat off and starting to work on his shirt. “I'm so ready for you.”

Ville chuckled and bit his neck gently, rocking into his groin. Managing to pull his lover's shirt off, he wrenched at Ville's pants desperately.

Ville pulled himself away. “Turn round. Now.”

At his lover's change of tone, he turned and pressed himself up against the wall, palms flat, legs spread.

“Good boy.” Ville hummed quietly, nuzzling into his neck, inhaling deeply as he rubbed his nose over his skin. “Missed how you smell,” he whispered. Bam shivered, trying not to whimper needily. Ville licked his neck and his moan echoed Bam's.

“Missed how you taste,” he murmured, biting down again.

Gasping, he arched back against his lover, hoping Ville wouldn't decide to torture him by taking his time.

“God, sweetheart.” Ville clutched at his hips and pushed against his ass, hard cock sliding in the crease of his pants. “Missed how fucking good you feel.”

“Please,” he whispered. “I missed you too.”

“Did you now my love?” Ville murmured, licking his ear.

“Yes!”

“You missed my touch?”

“God yes.” He jerked back when Ville's hands slipped round to his groin, unzipping and unbuttoning him to yank his pants down to his knees. Ville drew his fingers up the insides of his thighs, the soft touch contrasting with the way his lover was rubbing his cock against his ass and raising little bumps of gooseflesh on his skin.

“Missed having me inside you?” Ville slid a hand up and over his balls and cock, slipping fingers over the tip. He let out a soft cry, head dropping back onto his husband's shoulder. “Did you miss having me inside you?” Ville repeated, biting his neck again, harder this time.

“God, oh God,” he gasped. “Yes, always, always miss you, always need you inside me. Need. You, oh!” Two barely slick fingers pushed deep into his body, unerringly stroking over his prostate. “Fuck Ville, please, baby please!”

“Hush.” Ville thrust his fingers softly in and out of his body until he was shaking with need, lust firing in every nerve, his desire reaching desperation levels. He bit his lip, trying to stay quiet but he couldn't stop the whimpering that issued from deep in his throat.

“Ready darling?”

“Been ready for two months,” he muttered, groaning as Ville pulled his fingers out of his body and immediately pressed his cock into him. Ville paused just inside him and Bam moaned softly, trying not to clench down or thrust backwards to impale himself on the length of his lover's erection. He stabbed his fingers hard against the wall and bit his lip.

“You're under control tonight, my love.”

“Trying...” He took a deep breath. “Trying to please you.”

Ville buried his face in his hair and inhaled deeply. “You always do, Bam, now let go.”

“Really?” Ville thrust deep inside him and Bam cried out, groin aching with tension.

“Really.”

“Oh thank God.” He pushed himself up on one hand and fisted his cock, rocking himself urgently back into his lover's strokes.

“Yes love,” Ville moaned, plunging deeper into him, pushing down to hit his prostate with each thrust. “God you feel so tight, darling.”

“Harder please!”

“Fuck,” Ville gasped. One hand grasped his hip tightly, the other slid around to join his round his cock. He jerked into the tightened grip and rammed himself back against his lover.

“Come for me, Bam.” Ville whispered, nipping his earlobe. “Come for me.”

Jacking hard and fast, he felt weeks of tension explode into heat and passion and he was swept into a climax that shook his whole body as he spurted into their combined fists and clenched down hard around his lover's cock.

“Yes my love,” Ville moaned, jerking into his body, burying his face in his neck as he felt heat spread deep inside his body.

“Fuck,” he gasped, dropping forward against the wall, taking Ville with him. “Gets better every time baby.”

“Mmm,” Ville sighed, kissing his neck gently. He withdrew far too quickly but before Bam could protest, he found himself swung up into his lover's arms.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself,” Ville smiled at him.

“You sure you're up to this, old man?” he teased.

“Shut up you evil boy, I'm only twenty-eight,” Ville snorted. “And I'm still stronger than you.”

“True,” he conceded. His lover had always been stronger, something he found slightly galling considering Ville smoked and did no exercise while he went to the gym regularly. He wrapped his arms round Ville's neck and enjoyed the contact without further complaint, letting him carry him up the stairs, through the living area and up to their bedroom.

They stripped off the remainder of their clothes and crawled into bed, cuddling tightly together.

“So, how was the States, darling?”

He made a rude noise. “You know, it was nice to visit Ape, Phil and the guys, but other than that it sucked.”

Although they called each other every day, at least once, when they were apart for anything more than a day, they rarely talked about what was going on. It was sort of a tradition; they didn't talk about what was keeping them apart until they were back together again.

It had actually stemmed from the first time in their relationship that they'd spent any time apart. When their phone conversations had consisted almost entirely of sex and dirty talk to get each other off and it hadn't been until he'd got home and been fucked silly that Ville had remembered to ask him how everything had gone.

“Why did it suck?”

“You mean apart from being away from you for so long?”

Ville snickered. “Goes without saying doesn't it?”

“Well yeah.” He sighed. “Just the usual crap from the team and being on the circuit with MacNeil is never fun.”

“That asshole?” Ville grimaced. “He should just get over himself.”

“Yeah.”

“And how are your parents?”

“They're good, they said to tell you to take good care of me.”

Ville laughed. “As always.”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “And Ryan says hi.”

“Is he still with that girl... what was her name?”

"What girl?"

"Wasn't he seeing a girl last time I was over?"

“No, just another one night stand.” He shook his head and sighed. “He hasn't had a single relationship since he and Linde broke up. Fuck he's barely fucked around even.”

“I know.” Ville frowned. “Linde's the same though, the only good thing that's happened to him since then is having Olivia. God, they're such idiots, why can't they just admit that they're still in love with each other?”

“Ryan won't even talk about it, like at all.”

“At the time, I could sort of understand. It was so intense and it was just too much for him but he broke both their hearts.” Ville sighed and gently nuzzled Bam's neck, kissing him. "I really thought they'd at least talk at Mom's funeral."

“I know. The trouble is they're too proud and they hardly see each other and even then for only a day at a time maybe and never alone, it's not enough to push the issue.”

“Well, I have a solution to that,” Ville said with a grin.

“Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Well, my plan involves us really but match-making would be a great side effect,” Ville mused.

“What plan baby?” he said impatiently.

“I want to marry you.”

“Wow, now that was romantic.”

“Bam...” Ville started reproachfully.

“Sorry.” He grinned widely. “Baby, I hate to break it to you but we got married nearly eight years ago, remember?”

“I know that you idiot,” Ville sighed. “But that was quick and quiet and not legal in the States.”

“What are you saying?” He held his breath, heart pounding in anticipation.

“I mean, it's legal in the States now.” Ville smiled slowly, “We could have a big wedding with friends and family.”

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Will you marry me, darling... again?”

He snorted. “Now who's being an idiot... again?”

“Is that your version of a yes?” Ville asked with a grin.

“Of course it is!” He whooped and rolled on top of his lover, kissing his face from top to bottom. Ville's hands twined through his hair and tugged gently so he had to lift his head.

“Love you.”

He smiled happily. “Love you too.” He pushed himself up and out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“One thing's missing, I'll be right back.” He hurried back down to the entrance and found his bags where they'd dropped them. Digging quickly through his carry on, he grabbed one of his most precious possessions and then ran quickly back, clambering onto the bed before he replaced the photoframe on the bedside table where it had pride of place amongst all their photos.

“That's better.” He sighed happily and rolled back into his beloved husband's arms.

“Much,” Ville agreed.

After a few minutes, he looked up at his lover and kissed him. “Go on then.”

Ville looked confused. “What?”

“You must be dying for a cigarette.” He pulled a face. “Have you smoked at all today or did you shower before you came to pick me up?”

“Showered,” Ville replied, looking a little sheepish.

“Well, thank you for the effort baby,” he laughed.

“Does that mean I can stay inside?”

“Hell no.” He laughed harder at his lover's expression. “You smoke, you do it outside and freeze your balls off.” Ville sighed heavily and kissed him before getting out of bed and pulling on his robe. He let himself out of the French windows onto their balcony and fished a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the pocket.

Lying back on the bed, he watched his lover spark up and take a deep drag. Quite possibly the most annoying thing about Ville smoking was how goddamned sexy he looked doing it. Watching his lover's gorgeous mouth pursed around the filter and the pout of his lips as he exhaled the smoke turned him on so fucking much, he could never be completely convincing when he tried to make Ville give up and the older man knew exactly how it affected him.

Ville stood in front of the window, facing him, drawing slowly on his cigarette then licking his lips.

“Paskiainen,” he muttered, the twinge in his groin growing to a full blown ache. He palmed his dick as Ville sucked down another lungful of smoke and smirked at him. “Fucking tease.” He bit his lip to stop himself from smiling as he suddenly got an idea. Two could tease.

He got up and walked naked over to the window. Ville plucked the cigarette from his mouth and stared wide-eyed.

“Bam?” he mouthed.

It was Bam's turn to smirk. He licked the glass and wrapped his hand round his dick. Ville nearly dropped his cigarette and he pressed his hand against the glass.

“That's it baby,” he chuckled. “Not so smug now.” He put his free hand on the window, covering his lover's, and kissed the glass, jacking himself slowly with long strokes. Ville licked his lips and stuck the cigarette in the corner of his mouth. Beckoning to him, Ville put his other hand on the window level with his crotch.

The glass was freezing but he didn't care, he pushed his dick up against it, smearing precome, where Ville's hand was, pretending he could feel his lover's touch instead of the hardness of the glass. He put his lips against the window and slipped his tongue out just a little to lap the smooth surface, rocking his hips into the glass. It felt good in the strangest way.

Ville's eyes were glazed over, the cigarette barely hanging in the corner of his mouth, his fingers were pushed up against the glass hard enough to have gone white. Bam pulled back again and fisted his cock. The glass was a little too cold, but he did keep his hand pressed against Ville's.

Ville stepped a little closer and took a quick drag of his cigarette. Then he untied his robe and let it fall open. His dick was hard and leaking and Bam licked his lips wishing he could taste. Maybe later, right now, Ville was jacking himself on the other side of the window and with the dark silk robe hanging from his shoulders and the cigarette in his mouth, he looked even more like a debauched angel than usual.

“Fuck, Ville,” he gasped quietly, pressing his fingers into the window harder. They mirrored each other in grip and stroke, Ville speeding up with him as he jacked himself harder and faster. It seemed almost ridiculous that he'd been jerking off to pictures and phonecalls for months and now he was home and had his lover, he was jacking off again, unable to touch Ville because of the stupid window. And that somehow made it hotter, but he'd tortured himself enough and Ville's cigarette had burned down to the filter.

He backed up again and crooked his finger at Ville, walking backwards until he hit the bed and sat down, still stroking his aching dick. His lover grinned and flicked his butt away, stepping back into the room. He let the robe fall to the floor as he strolled casually over towards him.

“Baby, no teasing,” he said firmly.

Ville dropped gracefully to his knees between his legs and smirked. “Oh? After that little performance I'm not allowed to tease.”

“No,” he said with a laugh. “But you do get to suck me off.”

Biting back a smile, Ville nodded, “Oh well I'm sure that's fine then.”

“Damn right,” he snickered. “Now please.”

“Now please?” Ville laughed hard, clutching his knees.

“Ville,” he said with a pout. “Now you're just teasing, mouth on cock now...” he paused and grinned cheekily. “Please.”

Ville snorted and leaned forward, kissing the tip of his dick gently. His lips were cold and he jerked slightly, gasping at his lover's touch. No matter how cold it was, it was wonderful. Ville's mouth opened a little wider and he sucked the head of his cock between them, lapping softly over the slit. He started to tremble and he put his hand on his lover's head, pulling at him urgently.

“Need you baby,” he gasped.

Ville hummed quietly and sank slowly down the length of his dick, strong tongue working him all the way to his base.

“Don't jack off, baby,” he whispered, “I need to taste you.” Ville made a strange noise in the back of his throat and sucked harder. “Oh yes, lover.” He cried out. It was all he needed, Ville's gorgeous mouth sucking him deep and the thought that soon he'd have Ville's cock deep inside his own, he fell back on the bed and bucked up, coming as his lover swallowed hard.

Ville eased back and licked his lips noisily. He crawled up over his body, kissing and licking his heated skin until he got to his mouth. He grinned and kissed him sweetly.

“You want to suck me off sweetheart?”

“Yes,” he whispered. “Missed you bad, baby.”

Grinning wider, Ville carried on crawling over him until his dick was pointing at his mouth. Bam couldn't help laughing and he reached up, grabbing his lover's ass and pulling him down, swallowing his cock down as far as he could in the awkward position.

“Oh yes, love,” Ville groaned. “Missed you too, missed your mouth. You feel so good, hot and wet round my cock, darling.”

Moaning, he moved his hand so he could suck a finger into his mouth next to his lover's erection. He sucked hard then reached back round, sliding his wet finger down the crease of Ville's ass.

“Bam, yes,” Ville gasped. “Yes in me, please.”

Ville jerked into his mouth and he swallowed quickly, pushing his finger into his lover, reaching deep and pressing down when he found his prostate.

“Oh fuck yes,” Ville cried out. He rocked hard and pushed deep into his mouth, coming with a tiny whimper that made him shiver as he swallowed hot come with a sigh of satisfaction. His lover collapsed onto his face and he giggled, pushing him off so he didn't suffocate. They rolled over and he pushed his finger deeper again, watching Ville jerk helplessly. He was so sexy, so beautiful and so his.

He shifted up, not moving his finger, and kissed his lover, wet and deep, sharing his taste with him. “I love you baby, can I fuck you later?”

“You can fuck me any time my love,” Ville chuckled breathlessly.

"Rad," Bam sighed, kissing his husband again and easing his finger from his body. "Hmm, I think it's shower time baby."

"I don't know about you but I can't move right now."

"Wore you out already huh?" Bam chuckled at his lover.

"Brat." Ville pulled him over to lie on top of him. "Maybe a little but I was up late last night."

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No, I was out."

Bam pouted. "Out? Out where?"

"Just visiting Linde my love, he's still not used to living on his own."

"Yeah, poor Linde, it must be weird for him now Migé and Vedrana are married. Only him and Gas left now." He lifted his head and dropped a kiss onto his husband's lips. "Why don't you suggest that he stays here when I'm away, you can each other company."

"I don't think he'd go for that, sweetheart but I love you for suggesting it."

"He'd go for it if he thought he was doing you a favour."

"Maybe."

"Just ask him," he said, poking the older man gently with each word. "Anyway, it's not like it's going to be an issue for a while, is it?"

"True." Ville grabbed his finger. "Stop poking me. I'll get pokey trauma."

Snorting out a laugh, Bam shook his head. "You and your toons. Come on, shower. Much as I love sticking to you, I'm hungry and I've been living on Ape's cooking for weeks."

"So, that'll be me cooking then," Ville said with a mock sigh as he let himself be dragged from the bed. Bam led his husband into the bathroom and flipped on the shower.

"Damn right," he said. "And no moaning, you know you love to feed me." Getting in the spray, they cuddled close and Ville dropped a kiss on his forehead.

"Yes I do," he murmured. "Especially when you been away from me for so long."

Bam rubbed his cheek against slick chest and sighed happily. "I know but it's worth it to get a whole season of Viva la Bam out of the way and it frees me up to film you guys making the new album." He looked up and smiled at his lover.

"Yeah I know." Ville smiled back at him. "A valid excuse for us to be together in the States is always good."

"Hey! Let's get married in Vegas," Bam blurted out on a sudden impulse.

"What?"

"Baby that would be so cool, we could get married by Elvis!"

Ville blinked at him. "I never thought of that."

"Oh please baby," he begged, starting to get excited by the thought. "And then we wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding out because we wouldn't have to really plan, just grab everyone and go."

"You're a genius my darling," Ville said with a quiet laugh. "I do love you so much."

"Good, cos I love you too." He grinned widely. "We'll get to say proper vows and everything."

"Yes," Ville murmured, tipping his chin up and pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

"Sing for me baby," Bam said, heart swelling happily with emotion.

"What would you like me to sing?"

"Close to the Flame."

Ville clasped his cheek and kissed him again, so soft and sweet it made his belly flutter. "Oh my love, feeling sentimental?"

"Always baby," Bam said, leaning against him. "You know I'm a sap for you and I love that song."

"I should hope so, I wrote it for you."

"I know, now sing it for me lover." He wrapped his arms round his husband's neck and Ville slid his arms round his waist, singing softly as they almost danced, swaying together under the warm water.

He could feel Ville's voice resonating through his chest and he rested his head over the tattoo round his nipple, listening to the vibration as well as his voice. Blissful happiness filled him until he almost couldn't breathe, tingled across his skin like a physical touch making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

"I love you so fucking much Ville," he whispered, catching his lover's lips, hard and passionate. He slid a hand into long hair, gripping his neck tightly, licking into his mouth with a moan.

"Bam," Ville gasped, hands slipping down to clutch his ass, pulling him closer. "Love you, love you too." He kissed him deeper and Bam whimpered, rocking his hardening cock into his lover's hip.

"Want you," he whispered.

"Thought you were hungry," Ville gasped, jerking against him.

Bam grinned widely. "Yeah, I am." Ville groaned as he slid hands, then body down along water-slick skin, pressing into hot, hard cock all the way down. With a happy moan, he leaned in, rubbing his nose and mouth along the crease of his groin, dotting kisses over his skin and clutching at his hips.

"Bam."

"Hmm?" he murmured, licking his lips and sliding them up the length of Ville's cock, parting them over the top to suck him down happily.

"Oh fuck, never... mind," Ville gasped, hands sicking into his wet hair. "Darling yes."

Licking up the shaft, he swallowed round his lover's cock then slid up again, tightening his lips under the head and bobbing gently up and down, tongue flicking rhythmically over the tip until Ville was whimpering and rocking into him, clutching him desperately.

"Bam please, fuck please."

Chuckling quietly round his mouthful, he sucked the hot length right down and swallowed, stroking fingers over Ville's balls and rubbing the soft skin behind them. A cry of his name was his only warning before Ville bucked into his mouth, shooting down his throat. He moaned and swallowed until he had to pull back, wrapping his hand round his cock, jacking himself desperately to the taste of his lover in his mouth and the sight of his beautiful, smiling face and hooded eyes.

"Fuck baby," he groaned needily. Crouching down, Ville leaned his knees on his thighs, wrapping his hand rounnd his fist to stroke with him, rubbing his nose across his cheek and panting against his ear.

"Come on Bam darling, shoot all over me, let me feel it, let me feel you mark me."

"Oh fuck, fuck!" He thrust hard and fast into their hands, exploding into his climax when Ville bit down on his earlobe. Hot pleasure jerked through him, come splattering onto his lover's chest and stomach. Ville sighed and kissed his ear, then licked along his jaw and chin to gently kiss his lips.

"You are gorgeous my love," he whispered. "I feel like I can breathe now you're home."

Smiling, Bam reached out, slowly rubbing his come into his husband's skin. "Mine," he murmured.

"Yes love, always."

"I own you."

"Heart and soul," Ville whispered.

Grinning, Bam kissed the older man tenderly. "Like you own me, baby."

"I know darling, I love you."

"Love you too baby. Now get up please, I can't feel my legs."

Chuckling, Ville stood and helped him up, holding him close until he could feel his legs again. They washed and got out of the shower, sharing soft, lingering kisses as they dried each other off.

"Still hungry my love?"

"Yeah."

"Would you like to go out for dinner?"

Bam blinked. "Out? On my first night home? Are you kidding?"

Smiling softly, Ville stroked his cheek. "I'll take that as a no then. It was just a suggestion, darling."

"A stupid one."

"Bam," Ville started.

"Oh come on, it was," he interrupted. "I've been away for two months, why the fuck would I want to share you with the outside world?"

"I promised Migé I'd ask, that's all. I told him no, told him you'd say no but he told me to ask anyway."

"Oh, well, okay then." Bam stopped pouting and kissed Ville's cheek. "But yeah, no, no way baby, you're mine alone until at least tomorrow night, got it?"

"No complaints from me, sweetheart, you know that." Ville pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt and kissed him. "I'm going to get started on dinner then, don't be long."

"I won't." Getting dressed in t-shirt and jogging shorts, he went back down to the entrance to grab his bag. He took it to the utility room, sorting his laundry and shoving a load into the washer. Putting the rest in the laundry basket, he took the bag back to the bedroom and put it away along with shoes and sneakers.

Once his things were sorted, he felt like he was settled, really home. Happy. He put the bag in the back of the closet and hurried to the kitchen, smiling happily at the appetising smell of sautéed onions and garlic.

"Need any help?"

"You can chop up whatever veggies you want to eat."

"Uh none?"

"Very funny Bam, veggies, now."

"Yes dear," he sighed, checking the fridge and grabbing carrots, zucchini and a red pepper. "What are we having?"

"I don't know. I've got rice on, what do you think?"

"Chilli beans."

"You did want to share the bed tonight, didn't you?"

Snorting, Bam glared at his husband. "You're so not funny, you know that?"

"Yeah, I am." Ville bumped hips with him gently. "If you want chilli beans, I'll make it for you."

"Thank you baby." He leaned over and kissed his husband's cheek.

It wasn't too much longer before Ville put a plate and a glass in front of him. He wrinkled his nose at the strange, not-quite-orange colour of the juice.

"What the fuck is that?"

"V-8, drink it."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes my love, it's good for you."

"Aw but..."

"Don't 'aw but' me, living on Ape's cooking means you've actually been living on fast food."

Bam started to speak but Ville put a finger on his lips for a second.

"I know you my dearest love so don't even think about denying it. Drink your juice, eat your beans so I can feel better. Please."

Smiling softly, Bam slipped two fingers under his lover's chin, stroking as he leaned in and kissed him with all the love and tenderness and reverence that filled him, heart, body and soul. Pressing in harder, he slipped his hand round to the back of Ville's neck, clutching him closer. He shifted off the chair and into his husband's lap, licking deep into his mouth, a shared groan reverberating through them.

Ville's hands dropped to his hips, pulling him in tight and kissing him back, sucking on lips and tongue. He rocked into his lover's groin, feeling desperate, urgent, already, his cock pressing insistently against his lover's erection. Sweatpants and jogging shorts did little to dampen the sensations coursing through him, the pleasure and need that overwhelmed him.

"Baby," he whimpered into his mouth. "I love you."

Ville's fingers tightened against his hips and he rocked him harder into his body. He could feel his lover's cock pulse and he moaned again, thrusting harder against him, tongue plunging into his mouth in the same rhythm. They panted and rocked and thrust and suddenly, Ville pulled his mouth away, head dropping back as he cried out, jerking hard against him.

"Oh yeah," Bam groaned. "Oh yes baby, you're so fucking hot." Heat spread from his groin to his whole body and he shuddered, balls tightening, gut clenching as he came into his shorts, clinging to and kissing his husband as he shook. "Oh fuck," he gasped, pressing another quick kiss onto Ville's mouth. He rested his forehead against his lover's and smiled. "I love you, fuck I love you."

"Mä rakastan sua, heila," Ville whispered. He pulled him round to sit sideways on his lap and cuddled him close. "You must be starving by now my darling."

"Yeah but I don't care, I just need you sometimes, you know?"

"Yes I know." Kissing his cheek, Ville reached to the table and picked up a fork, starting to feed him. Chuckling quietly, Bam let him, eating steadily then feeding Ville in his turn until they were both satisfied.

"Shower?"

"Yeah baby, definitely." He smiled and eased himself off his lover's lap. "Mmm full and sticky, fucking great."

Laughing, Ville wrapped an arm round his waist and led him back to the bathroom.

"Let's have a bath this time baby, relax a bit."

"Nice, quiet night in, my love?"

"Not necessarily quiet."

"Oh really?"

"Really." Bam grinned at his husband and started running the bath, stripping out of his clothes and wiping at the come on his stomach. "I'm definitely going to fuck you till you scream tonight."

Ville's lips trembled and he snorted. "You think so?" he asked as Bam raised an indignant eyebrow.

"I know so baby," he said with a pout, shoving the older man up against the bathroom door. He pushed Ville's sweatpants down and his t-shirt up, stroking along waist and hips. "Mmm, you feel good Ville. I'm gonna suck your cock and play with your ass until you're begging me to fuck you."

"Fuck Bam," Ville gasped, shivering against him.

"Exactly baby, I'll slide my dick slowly into your gorgeous, tight little ass." Bam paused, taking a deep breath, his lover's soft panting and hooded gaze as well as the thought of fucking him turning him on again unbearably. "Fuck you slow and deep, jack you hard and make you come all round my cock."

"Oh God Bam." Ville pushed him back, staring at him with dark, lust-filled eyes. "Get in the bath, I'll be right back."

"Huh?"

"In the bath darling." Ville kissed him and hurried out, leaving him confused and horny. With a sigh, he tested the temperature quickly and switched off the faucet. He climbed into the bath and settled back with a groan of satisfaction.

The door opened again and Ville came back in, naked, hard and absolutely gorgeous.

"Baby," he whispered, holding out his hand.

"You want to make me scream darling?"

"Yeah."

"Want to fuck me now?"

Bam swallowed, cock jerking in the hot water. "Yeah baby."

Smirking at him, Ville climbed into the bath, standing over him and clasping his dick loosely. "Do you mind skipping the making me beg part?"

"Aw baby, don't you want me to suck you off?"

"I want you to fuck my ass more."

"Oh fuck," Bam gasped, grasping his cock tightly against the pulse of lust. "Get down here then."

A dark smile spread over Ville's face as he knelt down, straddling his thighs and leaning forward to kiss him hard and deep. Sucking his tongue into his mouth, Bam stroked his hands down Ville's back to his ass, sliding his fingers into the crease and gasping in surprise when they rubbed over slick skin.

"Baby?"

"I'm ready for you darling," Ville whispered, lips nibbling along his jaw and down to his neck to lick and suck at his skin. "You got me so hot, I want you to fuck me right now."

"You went to prepare yourself?" Bam squeaked, thrusting a finger into his lover's body to feel his slippery heat. The thought of the older man fucking himself with his fingers tightened his groin and he shuddered. "Baby, you know I love to watch." He pushed another finger into Ville's body.

"I... yes love, I know," Ville grunted, thrusting back against each stroke of his fingers. "Bam please."

"Please what?" Bam asked, determined to tease at least a little. Green eyes locked with his, almost glaring.

"Fuck me Bam," Ville breathed, tongue flicking out over his lips.

Sucking his tongue into his mouth, Bam groaned with lust. He eased his fingers from Ville's body and urged him forward and down over his straining cock.

"Ready baby?"

Ville sat down hard, impaling himself on his cock without pause.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," Bam gasped, fingers digging hard into his lover's hips, hanging onto his control by a thread.

"Oh darling," Ville groaned, leaning against his chest and wrapping his arms round his neck. "Fuck you feel good inside me Bam, I've missed this."

"Yeah, oh yes." Bam grunted again as Ville shifted, ass clenching and relaxing round him. He could feel his cock pulsing inside his lover and he kissed him as he eased his hips back then tugged him forward hard. They groaned together and Ville lifted his head, leaning back, watching him from hooded eyes as he started to rock, thrusting hard and fast over his cock, ass and thighs slapping into the water.

"Baby, so hot," he moaned, stroking down over back and ass then round hips to velvety-soft stomach and up to small pink nipples. "So tight," he breathed, sliding his thumbs over Ville's nipples, grinning and gasping when Ville jerked hard over him, cock bouncing in the water.

"Bam!"

"Yeah baby?"

"You know what I want."

"Oh yeah." Bam's breath shuddered from his lungs and he slipped one hand round to pull Ville close and dropped the other to fist his cock. As he jacked his lover, tight and fast, he licked over the tattoo, round to his nipple, flicking his tongue over the nub and then biting down.

Ville screamed, fucking himself urgently between cock and fist then collapsing on his chest, shuddering, shooting hot and wet onto his stomach. His ass rippled tightly round Bam's cock and pleasure tore through his body. He arched up, coming deep into his husband.

"Told you," he panted.

"Hmm?" Ville's lips pressed against his skin in a soft kiss.

"I'd make you scream."

"Mmm yeah," Ville murmured, smiling against his chest. "I love it when you keep your promises."

"I always keep my promises to you baby."

"I know." Ville lifted his head and smiled. "I'm going to shift round."

"Okay." He grunted as Ville lifted off his softening cock and turned to sit between his legs, lying back against his chest. Smiling, he slipped his arms round his husband's waist, pressing his hands flat against soft skin. He kissed Ville's neck and dropped his head back with a sigh.

"You okay darling?"

"Mmm, just tired now."

"We can go to bed after this of you want."

"Yeah I think I might need to."

"It's so good to have you home my love."

"Yeah, I love Ville."

"Love you too."

@>*~

Waking ensconced in his lover's warm enbrace always made him happy but after being without that feeling for two months, he was blissful. Bam stretched lazily, leaning back against Ville and twisting his head for a good morning kiss. Ville rubbed his chest and stomach and he chuckled.

"Go a bit lower baby, something else wants to say good morning."

Snorting, his lover kissed his neck and slid his hand down to wrap round his burgeoning erection, coaxing him to full hardness.

"Oh yes," he moaned, rocking slowly into his husband's fist and back against the solid erection sliding between the cheeks of his ass. "Fuck I love waking up with you baby."

"Feel good?" Ville murmured against his ear.

"Yeah baby, you know it does." Heat spread slowly through his body, tightening his balls. Little nibbles of teeth over his neck made him shiver needily and he twisted round, catching Ville's teasing mouth with his, kissing him, soft and deep. Sweet pleasure melted through him and he whimpered quietly as he thrust and came, spurting jerkily over his lover's hand. Crying out softly, Ville kissed him harder, rocking into him faster until he shuddered and come splattered Bam's ass and back.

"My God, I love you Bam," Ville whispered against his mouth.

"I love you too Ville. I'm so glad I'm home, even if it's only for a little while."

"Maybe only a little while my love but at least we won't be apart again for a couple of months."

"Yeah. I still don't understand why you picked L.A. though, I hate L.A."

"It wasn't exactly our first choice darling, at least we'll be out of the way in that big mansion."

"Yeah." Bam grinned widely. "Nice and private."

"Exactly." Ville kissed the side of his face and pulled back so he could turn round, then tugged him back into his arms for a tight hug. They shared soft, lingering kisses until he started to feel sticky and he eased back reluctantly.

"Shower time baby."

"Mmm sounds good my darling," Ville said quietly, kissing him again. "What do you want to do for breakfast?"

"I want to do you of course."

Chuckling, Ville stood and held out his hand. "Of course but after that. Do you want to stay in or go out?"

Bam frowned at his lover, confused by the suggestion that they leave the house. "Out? Why?"

"I just thought coffee and pulla at Café Engel might be nice," Ville said as they walked to the bathroom.

"Maybe tomorrow baby," he replied, climbing into the shower and switching on the water. He held out his hand with a grin and Ville took it, getting in with him. "I just don't know if I can control myself around you yet and I don't want to get arrested, you know?"

Ville smiled slowly as his eyes darkened. Long arms slipped round him, drawing him up to his lover's body as the hot water ran over them both. He moaned quietly as his dick hardened, sliding in the crease of Ville's groin.

"So," he started, smirking up at the older man. "Breakfast?"

"Me first." Ville pushed him back against the tiles and sank to his knees in front of him. Bam shivered both from the chill and the deep desire he constantly felt for his husband.

"Yeah baby," he whispered, watching Ville lean in to lick up the length of his shaft, tongue hot and slick against his skin. His cock jerked towards his lover's beautiful mouth as pleasure tingled through his body, need and anticipation filling him.

Ville smiled up at him, the tip of his tongue flicking out to lick up a drop of precome. Bam shuddered happily, dropping his hands to tangle in long, wet hair, urging his lover forward. Moaning softly, Ville opened his mouth and sucked him in, sliding wet lips all the way down and swallowing hard before he eased back up. Soft, slick licks over the head made him groan and he struggled not to buck into Ville's mouth.

"Fuck yeah baby, feels good," he murmured, dropping his chin to his chest so he could watch the slide of perfect, full lips up and down his cock and dark green eyes, full of love and lust, smiling at him.

Ville sank down further, swallowing all round him and sucking all the up again, getting faster as Bam started to thrust helplessly, pleasure growing almost painful with the need to come.

"Baby, fuck, please," he gasped, gripping tighter, hips rocking faster. Ville started to hum, one hand slipping from his hip round to his ass, fingers sliding down the crease and over the entrance to his body. Tension exploded and he cried out, pleasure sweeping out from his groin to rack his body as he jerked and came in his lover's mouth.

"Mmm," Ville murmured, swallowing noisily as he eased back.

"Fuck yes baby," he sighed. "Damn your mouth is so hot Ville, I could spend forever watching you suck me off."

Licking his lips, Ville rose slowly to his feet and smirked. "Really?"

"Yeah baby."

"I thought you preferred sucking me off sweetheart," Ville said with a quirk of an eyebrow.

Bam chuckled softly, pulling his lover close to feel the silken length of his cock against his belly, wrapping his arms round his neck.

"That's true," he said, kissing the taller man gently. "I could definitely spend forever sucking on that gorgeous cock of yours." He rocked his hips up and Ville groaned.

"Well now would be a good time to start."

"Oh really?" Bam murmured. "You want my mouth... or my ass?"

"I can't have both?"

Chuckling, Bam raised an eyebrow. "If you think you can get it up again baby, sure."

"Paskiainen," Ville snorted, cuffing the back of his head. "Get on your knees."

"Mmm yeah, love it when you get bossy," Bam whispered, smiling widely as he dropped carefully to his knees in front of his lover. He buried his face in Ville's groin, licking soft skin and nuzzling into trimmed hair. The water ran into his face but he ignored it, turning to slide his lips up the length of his lover's cock, parting them over the head eagerly and dipping his tongue into the slit.

The taste of his husband made him shiver, pleasure twinging in his groin already, and he sucked him deep into his mouth, swallowing hard.

"Fuck darling," Ville gasped, hips bucking into him.

Moaning happily, Bam licked and sucked, tongue flicking constantly over the head for more of his lover's taste, slaking his addiction. He'd never tired of Ville's taste, his skin, his mouth or his cock. Every part of his lover was both loved and beloved, not just his body; although Bam couldn't help how much he loved Ville's slender lines and pale skin that was patterned with dark ink as much as his was. He loved everything of his husband, was as hopelessly and completely in love with the older man as he had been when they'd first met. The eight years they'd been together felt both like forever and no time at all.

With a sigh, Bam eased back, replacing his mouth with his hand and jacking his lover.

"Darling?" Ville gasped, staring at him wide-eyed in surprise.

"I need you to come on me baby, please."

"Oh fuck Bam, yes," Ville groaned, thrusting into his fist as his head dropped back and come splattered Bam's face and chest.

Kneeling back, Bam slid his fingers through the come on his cheek and licked it off with a satisfied sigh. He loved being marked, his husband coming all over him was something he needed in order to feel whole.

Ville leaned over him, blocking the water, and cupped his face gently, leaning close to lick the come from his skin.

"Mmm, I love you baby," Bam whispered, kissing his lover.

"Rakastan sua," Ville said with a soft kiss back. He straightened, drawing Bam back to his feet and cuddling him close under the spray.

"I'm hungry now."

Ville laughed. "I'm sure you are."

"Well, you know, now I'm home and I've got you to feed me..."

"Yeah, yeah I get the hint my love." Ville let him go so they could wash, then they got out, drying off quickly and putting on boxers to head down to the kitchen.

Sitting down, Bam put his elbows on the table and rested his chin in his hands, watching his husband happily, fully aware of the goofy smile plastered across his face. He loved being home, especially after being away for so long. Simply watching his lover move around the kitchen preparing a meal for them both filled him with so much warmth and love that sometimes he felt like he could explode.

The only thing that could make him happier would be if they could stop hiding their relationship.

"Sweetheart?"

"Huh?" Blinking, Bam looked up, realising that Ville had put his breakfast and a coffee on the table and was standing next to him.

"You were miles away," Ville said, smiling softly at him.

"I was just thinking."

"Oh?" Ville got his own breakfast and sat next to him. "Don't hurt yourself."

"Oh you're so not funny," Bam snorted, whacking his husband's tattoo covered arm.

"Yes, yes I am," Ville said with a smirk, patting his leg gently. "What were you thinking about darling?"

"How much I love being home with you baby," Bam said, sighing softly and leaning against his lover. Ville slipped an arm round him and kissed his temple.

"I know Bam, it's the same for me."

"I don't wanna hide us anymore Ville," he whispered, throat a little tight.

"Darling," Ville started, his voice full of pained regret.

"I know okay? I know," Bam whispered, dropping his cheek onto his husband's shoulder. "I just, you know, I see those articles about you and Jonna and it hurts me baby."

"Bam, you know..."

"Of course I know Ville but it should be me, okay? Not her, me."

Apparently, the fact that he and Ville were together was such a well known and acknowledged truth in Helsinki that it wasn't spoken about and somehow the tabloids had missed it completely, manufacturing a relationship from Ville's friendship with Jonna. She knew, of course, and found the articles incredibly funny. They helped her career so she didn't mind in the slightest.

The goons at Sire loved it, despite knowing about their marriage, thought it was a good image for Ville and the band. They'd agreed to Bam filming the 'making of' the new album on the condition that Jonna visit L.A. while they were recording in order to perpetuate the myth. He was fed up, pissed off and getting close to breaking point. Ville was his and he was Ville's and he wanted the world to know.

"Of course it should be my love," Ville said softly. "Quite how they missed the fact that we've been married and living together for eight years I'll never know but I wish it would just come out. I wish it was you too heila, you know that."

"Yes I know, doesn't make it easier though."

Ville sighed softly, hugging him closer and kissing his cheek. "It isn't just Element or Adio anymore, we've got to contend with Warner Brothers too."

"Sucks," he mumbled a little sulkily.

"Yeah. Bam?"

"Yeah honey?"

Smiling and huffing out a gentle laugh, Ville kissed his cheek again. Bam knew Ville loved it when he called him honey.

"I love you darling, more than anything, more than anyone, more than life."

Breath hitching, Bam turned and wrapped his arms round his lover's neck, kissing him desperately as tears spilled from his eyes.

"I love you too baby, you're my everything," he whispered against full lips. Ville kissed him back, fingers clutching at his curls tightly. "Can't we just do it baby? Fuck everyone who doesn't want us out, let's just do it."

"Darling you could lose sponsorship."

"I don't care."

Easing back, Ville stared at him, eyes dark and serious. "I don't know darling, there's so many things to consider."

Bam couldn't help the hurt that surged up like bile in the back of his throat. "The album you mean."

"What?" Ville stared at him, his expression turning to pure shock.

"You've got a new album to record and promote. Wouldn't want to fuck that up for you," he snapped, fully aware of what a bastard he was being even as he said it but he couldn't stop, couldn't help it when he was so hurt and so angry with everyone who denied them, including Ville at that moment.

Ville stood abruptly, cheeks flushed, eyes wide and furious. "How can you say that to me?" he gasped. "How can you fucking say that to me?"

Bam flinched, his lover's curse an indication of how far he'd pushed him but still he couldn't stop.

"Not denying it though, are you?" he hissed, turning and running back to their bedroom. He dragged on trackpants, t-shirt and sweater, dashing at the tears that just wouldn't stop.

"You running away again?" Ville asked, stonyfaced from the door.

"Fuck you," Bam snapped. Ville was across the room in a second. He grabbed Bam's arm and forced him back towards the bed.

"Get off me Ville." He struggled but his lover was stronger than he was, pinning him face down on the bed, knees on the backs of his thighs, wrists held tightly behind his back in one hand as Ville leaned over him.

"Get off me."

"Shut up Bam," Ville whispered harshly in his ear. "No, I didn't deny it, do you know why?"

"Because it's true," Bam spat.

Ville sat up, hand gripping his wrists more tightly, painfully. "You unbelievable little fuck," Ville shouted, bringing his hand down on his ass in a hard smack. Bam cried out, shock and shame and no small amount of lust filling him.

"I shouldn't have to Bam," Ville snapped, smacking him again. The pain thrilled through him and he stopped struggling even though he was still crying.

"I shouldn't have to because you should know." Ville's voice broke briefly on a sob and he smacked him again. Bam couldn't help a groan, his dick hardening against the mattress even as his heart clenched painfully at his lover's hurt, almost heartbroken tone.

"You should fucking know that nothing I love means anything to me if you're not happy." Ville stopped, letting go of his wrists and shifting back off his legs, crying softly.

Bam pushed himself up, quickly turning to wrap his arms round his husband, burying his face in his neck and straddling his lap.

"Baby I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I know, of course I know cos it's the fucking same for me, okay? I shouldn't have taken it out on you but it hurts so much and I need to feel like you support me."

"I do," Ville whispered, sniffing softly as he slid his hands down to Bam's hips, pulling him closer so that his erection pressed into his lover's groin.

"Because you're mine," Bam breathed with a shudder of desire.

"I am," Ville affirmed softly, rocking him against his equally hard cock.

"Baby, I need you," Bam said, shifting back to yank off his sweater and t-shirt.

"I know." Ville stood, taking off his boxers as Bam kicked off his sneakers and trackpants, lying on the bed to reach under the pillow for the everpresent lube. Ville crawled onto the bed between his legs and leaned over to kiss him as Bam squeezed some lube onto his fingers. He ran them quickly over his lover's shaft, spreading the clear gel carefully before tugging gently, bending and spreading his legs and guiding his husband's cock down to his ass.

Ville slid inside his body easily, a long, slow push that had him arching with pleasure and desperate need.

"Did I hurt you?" Ville whispered. Bam knew he meant from the spanking, something that still filled his lover with guilt when it wasn't part of their games.

"No baby, you never hurt me."

"Not physically," Ville sighed, dropping a soft kiss onto his lips as he eased back then thrust slowly inside him.

"No more than I hurt you," Bam whispered, running his hands up and down his lover's back, rocking with him and pressing his dick into his stomach. It felt so good, as always but with an edge of sorrow and regret that he hated. He'd never understood why Ville put up with his shit or why he always forgave him, despite knowing how much his husband loved him.

"Because you have my heart and you are my soul," Ville whispered suddenly, startling him.

"What?"

Ville thrust into him a little harder and grunted, eyelids fluttering. "We can only hurt each other like that because we love each other so much, because we're part of each other." Ville paused, groaning as his strokes speeded up, filling him harder and deeper. "You always take the pain away and I'll always forgive you because you are my everything."

Tears pricked his eyes again and Bam wrapped arms and legs round his lover, pulling him as close as possible and arching with pleasure as Ville's cock slammed into his prostate.

"Kiss me," he breathed.

"Forever," Ville whispered, dipping down to possess his mouth in a deep, searching kiss that filled him with love. Groaning quietly, he shuddered and came, spilling wet heat between their bodies and clenching down hard round his husband's cock. Ville moaned into his mouth but didn't break the kiss as he thrust harder and faster, finally stiffening and coming deep inside his body.

Bam didn't let go, kept his arms and legs wrapped tightly round the older man, kept kissing him until Ville raised his head, looking down at him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I understand why you said it my love."

Bam bit his lip and turned his head away, his guilt at his words and accusation still growing steadily despite what Ville had said about forgiveness.

"Darling, you were almost right," Ville said with a soft sigh.

"What?" he gasped, looking back at his husband.

"I did think about the album but not for my sake my love, for the band. I'm sorry."

Grimacing, Bam shook his head, he hadn't considered what might happen to the rest of the band if they came out and it went badly. "Shit, no, you're right."

"I just think we should ask them before we do anything that could affect their futures too, you know?"

"Yeah, I know baby," Bam said with a soft huff of self-deprecating laughter. "It's a good thing one of us isn't a selfish dick."

"You're not selfish Bam, just a little..."

"Selfish," Bam said dryly. "You can say it baby."

"No darling because you're not, you're one of the most selfless men I know. It's just you're also impetuous and a little thoughtless sometimes."

Bam snorted. "Oh geez, thanks baby."

"You know what I mean," Ville sighed.

"Yes I know." He smiled finally. "Love you so much baby."

"I love you too darling," Ville whispered, nuzzling his neck gently. "Are you going to let me go?"

"Not yet, wanna feel you inside me as long as possible." He squeezed his ass down around his lover's softening length, shivering with an aftershock of pleasure as Ville moaned and jerked against him. "Wish you could stay inside me forever."

"I know love but I am, you have my heart, I'm always inside you."

"Yeah, thank God." Bam let go of his lover, dropping arms and legs to the bed and grunting softly as Ville finally withdrew from his body. His husband shifted to the side and gathered him up into a tight hug, kissing his temple. "Thanks for not letting me run off."

"I never know how long you'll be when you do and you know I get worried."

"Yeah I know and I would have just built it up in my head until it drove me crazy," Bam sighed.

"Exactly." Ville kissed his cheek and stroked his chest. "But you know what darling?"

"What?"

"You're right, we'll talk to the band and see if we can work something out okay?"

Breath hitching, Bam pulled back enough to meet his lover's eyes. "Seriously?"

"Of course my love."

"Thank you baby," he breathed, heart clenching joyfully.

"As you always say to me sweetheart, I would do anything for you."

"Just for that I guess you can go for a cig now," Bam said, grinning at his lover's snort.

"Oh I can, can I?"

"Yup."

"Am I allowed to stay inside?"

"Nope."

Ville smiled at him. "Brat." He kissed him gently and stood, slipping on his robe that was still on the floor from the day before and heading out onto the balcony.

Bam watched his lover with a sigh, despite the fact that he hated cigarettes and that it was cold out, he didn't want to be apart from his husband. Quickly wiping off his stomach, Bam pulled his trackpants and sweater back on and headed out onto the balcony to join the older man.

"Oh fuck it's cold," he gasped, sidling up behind his lover and wrapping his arms round him, resting his cheek between his shoulder blades.

"I know," Ville said dryly.

"Is it really worth it for a cigarette?"

"Bam," Ville sighed.

"Yeah I know, shut up Bam," Bam sighed. He closed his eyes to feel his husband inhale and exhale with each drag and slid one hand under the front of the robe, resting his palm on the tattoo they shared on the base of their stomachs. "I love you baby," he whispered, twisting his head to kiss his lover's back.

"Love you too," Ville murmured, putting a hand over his and linking their fingers together. It felt wonderful, if fucking freezing, just holding his lover close, feeling his presence, feeling loved.

Ville stubbed his cigarette out in the pot they kept there for that purpose then turned and hugged him close, kissing his forehead.

"Let's go back inside darling."

"Yeah okay."

As they left the balcony, Bam's phone went off, the tone telling him who was calling. "Shit, I guess I should get that," he sighed, picking up the cell to stare at the picture.

"You didn't turn it off?"

"Guess I forgot." He answered the call and held the cell to his ear. "Hey dude, what's up?"

"Telling me that you got home safe just slip your mind did it?" Ryan snapped at him without preamble.

"Dude, Ryan, chill out, the only reason you got through now is cos Ville's just had a cig break," Bam said with a snort, watching his husband get dressed with a pout.

"Non-stop fucking since you got in I'm guessing then?"

"Pretty much yeah."

"You sore?"

Bam grinned widely. "Only in the very good way." Ville waved to get his attention and pointed to the balcony. "Ugh, okay baby."

"What's going on?" Ryan asked.

"He's going back out to smoke."

"Bambam give it up, he's never gonna quit, at least it's just cigarettes, you know?"

"I know, it's just, his asthma, I worry."

"I know you do but it'll be fine Bam."

"I hope so."

"So when you guys coming back over?"

"Too soon, Burton and Manna will be back off honeymoon at the end of this week..."

"What?" Ryan exclaimed, loud enough to hurt.

"Ow dude," Bam said, holding the phone away from his ear. "What, what?"

"Manna and Burton?"

"Uh yeah."

"B-but, Linde. And Olivia."

Realisation and disbelief registered equally and Bam shook his head. "You are fucking with me, aren't you?" he gasped. "Tell me you aren't that stupid."

"Manna's not with Linde?" Ryan whispered.

"She never was, dude Linde's gay, you of all people know that."

"But Olivia..."

"Was the result of a very drunken one night stand." Bam leaned over his knees and rested his forehead on his hand. "Man, tell me you haven't been heartbroken and alone for so many years because you thought he was taken."

Ryan's breath was hitching audibly and Bam wished he could reach down the phone to hug him.

"We had sex you know," Ryan whispered suddenly. "After Annie's funeral."

"You and Linde?"

"Yeah, that's when he got the call from Manna."

"Let me guess, you got mad and wouldn't listen," Bam said with a sigh.

"Oh, you could put it that way yeah."

"You fucking idiot."

"Yeah."

"Well that settles it dude, you're coming to L.A."

"What? No, I mean... no Bam, I can't."

"Of course you can. Ryan, Linde has been as miserable and single as you since before Olivia was born."

"So?"

"So? Oh my God Ryan, I can't believe you never told me you two hooked up, I coulda told you all this years ago," Bam sighed, filled with pain for the loss his friends had suffered.

"I didn't know."

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"So come to L.A."

"I can't."

"Fuck Ryan so, what? You're just gonna be miserable for the rest of your life?" Bam snapped in exasperation.

"How can I expect him to ever give me another chance Bambam?"

"That depends dude."

"On what?"

"On what you want from him."

"I, well, I want... Bam, I need to think."

"Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea dude," Bam sighed. "The invitation is open but don't come unless you wanna make it work with him... and unless you're prepared for him to not want to make it work with you."

Ryan sighed heavily. "I should go. Bam?"

"Yeah?"

"Does, does he..."

"Yeah, I think so."

"Thanks Bam, love you man."

"Yeah, I love you too." Bam hung up with a sad sigh, looking for his lover who was still outside.

He slipped out onto the balcony, smiling tightly at Ville's inquiring look. Sighing, Ville lifted an arm and he moved to his husband's side for a hug.

"What's wrong love? Is Ryan okay?"

"Ryan is a stupid, mule-headed asshole."

"Is he still refusing to go to L.A.?"

"It's not that... he and Linde." Bam sighed and buried his face in his husband's neck. "You remember how bad Linde was after your Mom's funeral?" Ville stiffened slightly but nodded. "We thought he was grieving for Annie, turns out he and Ryan had sex then Ryan found out about Manna. You can guess the rest."

Ville sighed, squeezing him tighter and stroking his hair. "Ryan was a stupid, mule-headed asshole?"

Snorting, Bam nodded, kissing his lover's neck gently. "He never listens. He's so determined not to get hurt that he just hurts himself and Linde," Bam said softly. "I wanna hug him and smash his face in at the same time."

Ville chuckled quietly. "I know the feeling my love."

"Hmm." Bam lifted his head and narrowed his eyes. "Why do I get the feeling you were referring to me rather than Ryan, baby?"

"Who me?" Ville gasped, blinking innocently at him. "Would I?"

"Totally," Bam said with a snort.

"You know I'm teasing my darling."

"Yeah, I know you'd much rather spank my ass than smash my face in." He grinned at his lover and waggled his eyebrows suggestively as Ville shivered, pulling him closer.

"Naughty boy," Ville breathed, leaning in and gently biting his chin.

"Only for you baby," Bam said with a chuckle, kissing his husband's nose. "You done smoking?"

"For now."

Bam rolled his eyes. "Come on then, I want a shower and a cuddle with my baby."

"And a smooch?" Ville asked, turning him round and pushing him back into the bedroom.

"I always want to smooch with my baby, baby," Bam said with a huge grin.

"Good because sometimes that's what I need most," Ville whispered, wrapping his arms round him again and kissing the top of his head.

"Yeah I know, I love you too."

@>*~

RYAN

The road stretched out for miles in front of him and Ryan blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the endless black and white. It didn't help that he was so nervous, so full of anticipation and what was almost dread. He felt like he was heading for his own execution, a little melodramatic maybe but if things went badly then he might as well be dead.

Sighing, he gripped the wheel tightly and blinked again, this time to stop the pricking of tears. Ever since his phonecall to Bam and finding out that Linde had never been with Manna at all, that he might even still have feelings for him, Ryan had been filled with so many emotions he could barely distinguish the positive from the negative. All the hope he felt was balanced out by the doubt.

Like he'd said to Bam, how could he possibly expect Linde to give him another chance? But how could he not try?

He'd shut himself away in his room in the mansion for days, overwhelmed by the fact that the man who still had his heart and who he'd accepted would never be part of his life except through Bam and Ville, might still have feelings for him. Days of trying to decide what to do, trying to decide if he could risk his heart.

In the end he'd known, there was no choice, he had to try. He'd been empty for years but he was both ready and determined to have forever with Linde. Providing the beautiful blond would give him another chance of course. If Linde couldn't forgive him then he would have to accept it and live with his regret.

So here he was, on the road, heading for LA. Bam didn't even know he was going, not that he didn't trust his oldest friend, he just hadn't been able to face that conversation. It was easier to just show up and driving meant he could make a quick and easy escape if he needed to.

But he would give it everything he had, he would lay his heart and soul bare, risk any pain and recrimination for another chance to make things right for both of them.

@>*~

Pulling into the gates of the Paramore, Ryan's first sight of the old mansion involved the kind of chaos he was half expecting.

Bam, Ville, the band and Joe Frantz were all outside, Bam yelling at a bemused looking man while Ville obviously tried to calm him down. But it was Linde who caught his gaze, as beautiful as ever, slender, pale, his dreads long and thick. He was squinting against the bright sunshine as he leaned against Migé and an adorable little blonde girl sat on his hip.

Heart racing, Ryan strode as casually as he could manage over to to his friends.

"Hey guys, what's happening?"

Bam stopped yelling and turned his head, then he ran and jumped on him.

"Motherfucker!" Bam screeched excitedly, hugging him tightly. Ryan grunted and staggered under his weight.

"Get off me dickwad."

Bam ignored him and gave him a big, sloppy kiss on the cheek, giggling as he groaned and pushed him away.

"Leave the poor man alone, Bam," Ville said with a chuckle, pulling his husband out of the way to hug Ryan tightly. "I'm glad you came," he whispered in his ear.

"Thanks," Ryan replied, throat tightening with the threat of tears. He pulled back and looked nervously over at the rest of the band. Gas and Burton smiled and nodded and Migé strode over, giving him a bearhug.

"It's good to see you Ryan."

"You too Migé, I've missed you guys."

"Well you're not the only one," Mige said, glancing back at Linde. The guitarist stood stiffly, staring at him, a frozen, hurt look in blue eyes that made his heart hurt.

"Hei Linde," Ryan said quietly, trying to smile. His cheeks felt flushed and he couldn't quite meet Linde's eyes.

"Ryan," Linde said shortly, looking away immediately. His daughter wriggled out of his arms and scampered over, lifting her arms up to Ryan. He blinked at her and cleared his throat.

"Um hi?"

"Pick me up," she said with a bright smile.

Ryan glanced at Linde who was staring at his daughter in shock. "Lin'?"

"What?" Linde snapped, before looking startled and taking a step back.

"May I?"

Limde's lips pressed together in a thin line but he nodded before turning and walking away, Mige hurrying after him. Bending slightly, Ryan lifted the girl into his arms, breath hitching as she wrapped her arms round his neck and kissed his cheek.

"I know you," she whispered.

"You do?"

"My Isi has a piccie of you and him hidden in his guitar case."

Ryan breathed out heavily, fighting a sudden surge of tears. "Really?"

"Kyllä but I think it's secwet, don't tell anyone."

"I promise."

She grinned at him and bounced in his arms. "Come on, I wanna see the big house."

"I want doesn't get, Livy."

"Anteeksi Äiti," Olivia said, blinking at her mother with a little pout.

"Come on heila, leave Ryan alone." Manna smiled at him and took her daughter from him.

"I don't mind."

"I know," she said. "I think she likes you."

"Thanks."

"Good start dude," Bam said, clapping his shoulder.

"Maybe," Ryan sighed. "He could barely look at me."

"And you're surprised?"

"No."

"What the hell are you two freaks talking about?" Joe asked, giving him a half-hug.

"Are we talking about it, Ryan?" Bam asked softly.

"I..." Ryan took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I think, if I want another chance I need to be honest."

"Honest about what man?"

"Linde and I used to date."

"Linde?" Joe said with a gape. "Tall, skinny, blond dreads, male? That Linde?"

Grimacing, Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

"No way."

"It's true dude," Bam said softly.

"You're gay?"

"Bi. It just happens that I'm in love with a man."

"In love?" Joe gasped. "You said you used to date."

"Yeah, we did and I messed up badly. I'm gonna try and make it up to him."

"Cool," Bam said, smiling at him.

"I honestly don't think it will take much Ryan," Ville said as he slid his arms round Bam's waist from behind. "He's still in love with you too. And Olivia seems to like you, that'll help."

"Thank Ville," Ryan said, swallowing against the growing lump in his throat.

"You're welcome." Ville held out his hand and Ryan took it gratefully.

"So what was all the fuss about when I got here?"

"Ah man, the stupid fucks at Sire neglected to tell us about the dogs, apparently they didn't think it would be a problem despite Ville's allergy."

"Darling calm down, it's too late now."

"Yeah I know but we are staying in a hotel, you got me?"

"Yes love," Ville said with a long-suffering sigh.

Ryan chuckled. "It's so good to see you guys."

"You too Ryan. Come, let's go and get set up, I have songs to write."

"You haven't written them yet?" Ryan gasped, following then into the mansion.

"Well, I've written loads, I just can record most of them according to Sire."

"Fuckers," Bam muttered.

"Darling it was still a good deal, you know that."

"Yeah I know, I just think you should be able to record what you want."

"I know my love, I'll record them for you, Tim won't mind."

"Thank you baby."

"I take it they're a little personal then?" Ryan said with a shake of his head.

"Mmm hmm," Bam murmured, nuzzling his lover's neck.

"Tone it down guys," Joe said quietly. "Public."

"Yeah, yeah," Bam sighed, letting go of Ville with a small pout.

"Rakastan sua heila."

"Yeah, me too." Bam managed a smile then turned to him. "Come on Ryan, you wanna check out the place while they're getting set up?"

"Cool."

@>*~

"So it's just you, me and Frantzie-boy?"

"Well for the filming yeah," Bam said with a grimace. "It means I get total control of what's on tape. Problem is there's techs around for the recording so we have to be careful."

"So maybe it's a good thing you two are staying in a hotel then," Ryan said, patting Bam's knee.

"Yeah well, officially I'm staying here but you know, if I happen to be out late I'll just have to crash with Ville huh?"

Ryan snorted. "You too still playing at being drunkards?"

"Hey it's not our fault the media mistook Ville's ginger beer for real beer and think he's a hard drinker is it? Or that the label decided it was a good image."

"I can't believe how obsessed he is with that stuff."

"I know," Bam said with a giggle. "He has to take the fizz out when he's on stage or he belches worse than Dico."

Ryan laughed hard, leaning against his friend and patting his knee. "Not good for singing huh?"

"Nope." Bam grinned at him and sighed happily. "I've got some news."

"Oh?"

"Ville and I are getting married."

Ryan stared at his friend. Bam had finally lost it. "I hate to break it to you Bam but you guys got married eight years ago."

Bam laughed and punched his arm. "That's exactly what I said when Ville proposed again."

"So... why?" he asked with a frown.

"Cos it's legal in the States now dipshit."

"Oh yeah." Ryan blinked at Bam and nodded. "So you're getting married again."

Bam smiled happily at him. "Yeah."

"Is it going to be an eight year tradition or are you just aiming to have as many anniversaries as possible?"

"Now there's an idea," Bam said with a thoughtful frown.

"Dude, I was kidding."

"But we could you know?" Bam said, his tone a little awed. "We could get married in every country it's legal in... couldn't we?"

"I... guess?"

"Well, as long as they'll marry non-residents I suppose."

"Dude, I can never say it enough, you are nuts, you know that?"

"Nuts about Ville," Bam said with a chuckle.

Ryan sighed and shook his head. "You never quite grew up, did you?"

"Well, Ville says I act like I'm five sometimes so I guess not." Bam smiled and ruffled his hair. "C'mon, let's go see of the guys are ready."

"Yeah okay," Ryan said with a grimace.

"It's gonna be fine Ryan," Bam said gently. "You just gotta talk to him, show him you're serious."

"How do I show him that?"

"I don't know, like woo him or something?"

"Woo him?" Ryan exclaimed, staring at his friend incredulously.

"Hey, I watch chickflicks sometimes okay?"

"You do?"

"Sure, when I'm feeling sappy."

"So all the time then?"

"Haha very funny. Let's go."

@>*~

The band had set up and Bam and Joe had started filming. The Paramore was a strange place, they were only allowed to film certain areas or even parts of certain areas, which amused and bemused Bam so much he was making a model to show it.

The band had rehearsed for a while before arriving, despite the shortage of material, so Gas got started with recording while Ville watched intently, half-directing and Bam filmed his husband.

Burton and Manna played chess while Migé and Linde played with Olivia and Ryan watched, a pang of regret stabbing him painfully through the heart. If he'd only listened to Linde, he could have been a part of this, he could have been happy with Linde and watched Olivia growing up instead of being a lonely, stupid bastard for the past four years.

Linde studiously ignored him and Migé kept directing aplogetic grimaces and shrugs in his direction and it was driving him insane. He had no idea what to do, how to even start 'wooing' Linde- as Bam had put it- what did he do if the older man wouldn't even talk to him?"

"Isi, can Ryan play too?" Olivia said suddenly.

Ryan looked up, meeting an icy blue stare. He shivered under the look Linde was giving him but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

"You'd better ask him Livy," Linde finally said, looking away.

The small girl got up and scampered over to him, leaning on his knees and staring up at him. "Come and play with us Ryan, pretty please," she said with a grin.

"Well I..." He stopped and cleared his throat. "I don't think your daddy really wants me to," he whispered.

She beckoned him closer and cupped his ear. "He does you know," she whispered to him. "He keeps looking at you when you're not looking."

"Does he?" Ryan said softly, glancing up at his ex-lover again. Linde looked away quickly and Ryan couldn't help a surge of hope. "Yes okay."

"Yay." Olivia jumped back, clapping her hands excitedly. She took his hand and dragged him over. He sat, meeting Migé's grin with a nervous smile.

"Welcome to the world of dolls and teddies."

"Thanks."

"You don't have to do this," Linde said shortly.

"I want to," Ryan said quietly.

"Fine."

@>*~

They played together until it was time to leave for dinner and somehow, Linde had managed to not talk to him at all, although Ryan had felt the older man's penetrating gaze on him whenever he wasn't looking. He just hoped he was making a good impression because Linde wasn't giving anything away.

Manna was taking care of Olivia whilst all the guys went to dinner together, including Tim who knew about Bam and Ville and had become well acquainted with their habits during the recording of 'Love Metal'.

Arriving at the restaurant, Ryan held back a little uncertainly, despite being best friends with Bam and very close to Ville, he felt like he didn't belong anymore. The band and Bam were a family and Joe, and even Tim, had spent more time with all of them than he had, fitted in better than he did.

Somehow, the last chair put him opposite Linde and he swallowed as he sat down, far too aware of blue eyes fixed on him. Thankfully, he was next to Bam and his friend patted his knee gently.

"You good man?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine."

"Olivia's cool huh?"

Ryan smiled. "She's adorable."

"She likes you too."

"I uh, I guess?"

"Oh she does," Migé said with a smirk. "She doesn't let just anyone play with her toys you know."

"She doesn't let me play with her toys," Ville said with a sniff.

"Baby, you broke her favourite doll," Bam laughed.

"How did you manage that?" Ryan asked.

"Well, I uh..." Ville blushed and turned to glare at his lover. "You had to bring that up."

"He pulled an arm off her," Linde said quietly.

Ryan looked up at the blond in surprise, he hadn't expected Linde to talk to him at all. "How?" he asked softly.

"Tug of war with Olivia."

"So it could have easily been Olivia?"

"Well yes but she didn't see it that way," Linde said, almost smiling. "Ville's still her second favourite Eno."

"Second favourite?"

"Who can compete with the other child in this family?"

Ryan chuckled. "Ah, Bam."

"Hey, I'm not a child," Bam said with a pout.

"No, you just act like one," Migé said, laughing at him.

"Says you," Bam said, crossing his arms and huffing loudly.

"Do you see what we put up with?" Migé sighed.

"You? I'm the one who lives with him."

"Baby!" Bam smacked his husband's arm. "How can you say something like that?"

"I didn't mean it darling, I was teasing."

"Better make it up to me then," Bam whispered, pouting up at him.

Ville smiled slowly, cupping Bam's cheek as he leaned in.

"Can we at least order before you two start smooching?" Ryan sighed.

Bam flipped him off, kissing his lover softly, only pulling back when Burton elbowed Ville.

"Waitress," Burton hissed.

"I don't fucking care," Bam snapped.

"Darling, you know what we said," Ville said quietly.

"Yeah, I know."

"What did you say about what?" Migé asked.

"Let's order first okay?"

"Okay."

The waitress took the orders and came back a few moments later with their drinks. Ryan couldn't help laughing at Ville and Bam who both had ginger beer while everyone else drank beer.

"So come on, spill," Migé said, as soon as they were alone again.

"We've been talking about us," Bam said quietly.

"Oh?" Linde said, frowning in concern.

"I don't want... I can't hide us anymore," Bam said, almost looking upset.

"You want to come out?" Linde gasped.

"Yeah we do but I wanted to check with you guys first," Ville said.

"We wanted to."

"Yes darling, I'm sorry."

"Why?" Migé asked. "It's not our business if you want to go public."

"Of course it is," Ville exclaimed. "You're family for a start but this could affect the band, the new album, of course we had to run it past you first."

"That's very sweet Ville, Bam but if you want to come out then you shouldn't have to worry about us. You've been married eight years, you shouldn't have to hide it." Linde stopped and flushed at the stares his ununsually long speech had attracted.

"What he said," Migé said with a shrug.

"Yeah," Burton agreed and Gas just nodded.

"Seriously?" Bam whispered.

"Dude, they're your family, they love you two, of course they're gonna support you," Ryan said softly.

"It doesn't have to hurt the band either, publicity is always good," Tim added.

"True," Ville said, smiling at them all.

"Thanks guys," Bam added with a grin. "Now we just have to work out how to do it."

"What do you mean how?"

"Well we don't want to turn it into a big circus, you know?"

Ryan frowned. "What about Element, Adio and Mtv?"

"What about them?"

"Are they okay with it?"

Bam shrugged. "Don't care. If I lose sponsorship, they can deal with the backlash from the gay community."

"True." Ryan nodded slowly. "Are you going to keep the wedding private though?"

"Wedding?" The band looked confused and Ryan blinked in surprise.

"You haven't told them yet?"

"It was gonna be a surprise," Bam sighed.

"Oh sorry guys."

"What wedding?" Migé snapped impatiently.

"Bam and I are getting married again," Ville said softly.

"Um why?"

"To make it legal here, to say vows, to have Bam's family present."

"Ah okay," Migé said with a nod.

"So you'll come?" Bam said hopefully.

"Of course, how can you doubt that?" Linde gasped.

"Well you know, just checking."

"Just tell us where and when Bambam, we'll be there."

"The where will be Vegas, then when, we haven't decided yet."

"There's a surprise."

"Shut up Migé."

The waitress brought their food over and the conversation lulled.

"How'd the first day go."

"I got about half my tracks laid, so pretty good," Gas replied.

"Ahead of schedule already huh?"

"Don't speak too soon, you know what Ville's like."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ville exclaimed.

"Oh baby come on, you know how you get."

"No, I don't know," Ville hissed through gritted teeth.

"Don't get huffy with me baby, they didn't nickname you the Nazi for no reason," Bam said gently.

"The Nazi?" Ryan said with a raised eyebrow.

"Ville can be a little um... fascist when we're recording," Linde said, eyes flicking up to meet his before rapidly lowering.

"A little?"

"Fuck you Migé!" Ville snapped.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Bam gasped. The curse had surprised all of them, Ville rarely swore unless he was really angry or he and Bam were having sex.

"Sorry," Ville sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little tired and I still have so much writing to do."

"So you're stressed."

"Yeah I guess."

"Aw my poor baby," Bam said quietly. "Maybe we should go back to the hotel so I can uh, destress you."

Migé snorted loudly. "Another new euphemism for sex, we should write a dictionary."

"Kiss my ass Migé," Bam said, sticking out his tongue.

"Now you know how Ville feels about that sort of thing."

"Yes, my ass," Ville said primly.

"You guys leaving then?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, I'm getting antsy," Bam said, grimacing apologetically at him.

"It's cool, you guys haven't been alone all day."

"Yeah well, at least we don't have to worry about dodging Mtv crews, it helps."

"Yeah."

Bam hugged him quickly and got up. "We'll see you guys tomorrow. Here," he handed Ryan his credit card. "Pay for dinner with this, will you?"

"Sure thanks."

"Yeah thanks Bambam. See you two tomorrow."

Ville got up and slipped his arm round Bam's waist. "Let's go to bed my love."

"Not soon enough," Bam muttered, dragging him away from the table.

Ryan glanced round at the table and laughed at the matching expressions, a mixture of amusement and resignation. "Do you think they'll ever slow down?" he asked.

"Maybe in another eight years," Migé snorted.

"It's so good to see though, how happy and in love they still are." Ryan felt Linde's glare before he'd finshed speaking and flinched, barely stopping himself from sliding down in his chair to hide from the blond.

"Yes it is," Migé said quietly. "How have you been Ryan?"

"Oh uh, you know, okay I guess." He flushed under the attention.

"You guess?"

"Well, doing Jackass and Viva la Bam with Bam is cool, I don't have to worry about normal jobs, I'm just, you know..." He trailed off.

"Lonely," Joe said.

"Frantz!"

"What? You are."

"Whose fault is that?" Linde snapped suddenly, shoving his chair back abruptly and stalking off.

"Lin', wait," Ryan stood quickly and ran after the blond, stopping him in the foyer. "Please Lin', don't go."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Nobody wants you to go."

"I don't want to stay."

"I can go, if you want."

Linde frowned at him. "You never listen to me, I just told you I didn't want to stay, Ryan. I'm the one who's going to be walking out this time."

Ryan's breath hitched and he sagged back against the wall helplessly as Linde twisted and walked away.

So this was what it felt like. The love of his life was walking away and it felt like his heart had been torn from his chest, chopped into tiny, little pieces and then stomped on. And he'd done so much worse to Linde, he deserved to have it hurt more, he just hoped his heart wouldn't end up broken.

Quietly, he headed back to the table and sat down.

"You okay?"

"Um no, can we go now?"

Migé leaned over and patted his shoulder. "Of course. Are you staying at the Paramore with us?"

"Yeah."

"Come on then, let's get you back there."

"Thanks." Ryan let himself be led from the restaurant once they'd paid and into a cab back to the mansion.

@>*~

BAM

"Come on baby, let's get a cab."

"I want to walk darling."

"Aw but..." Ville put a finger on his lips and hushed him quietly.

"Darling, walk with me for a while, please?"

"But I can't even hold your hand here."

"Why not my love?"

Bam stopped and stared up at his husband. "R-really?"

"We've asked the band and they're okay with it, why should we hide it anymore?"

"Oh baby." Bam leaned up and kissed his lover, smiling happily as he slipped his arm round Ville's waist. "This rocks, no more hiding."

They walked slowly back to the hotel, arms round each other, sharing soft kisses when they occasionally stopped to look in store windows but eventually Bam was starting to get desperate to be alone with the older man. He started to walk faster, moving to take Ville's hand so he could drag him along. Ville chuckled quietly and let himself be dragged, following him into the hotel and straight into their room.

There were two doubles and Ville's things had already been transferred by some record company lackey. Luckily, he also had the bag with all their bathroom crap in it. Bam sat down on the end of one bed and beckoned his lover over, smiling up as Ville stood between his legs and cupped his cheeks.

"Alone at last," Bam said, grinning and flicking his eyebrows up suggestively. Ville chuckled quietly and bent, catching his mouth in a soft kiss, lips parting over his to lick slowly along the crease of his mouth.

With a soft moan, Bam opened his mouth, sucking on Ville's tongue gently, his urgency slowed by the simple need to connect with his lover. Lips moved against each other, tongues licking and entwining, tasting and exploring, harder and deeper as passion swept through his body and lust filled him. He slid his hands down from shoulders to chest, unbuttoning Ville's shirt and shoving it off slim shoulders so could touch warm, soft skin, happily tracing tattoos by memory and grain alone as he devoured his lover's mouth more urgently.

Ville's hands slid into his hair, clutching tighter, pulling him up into a harder kiss. Stroking down to his lover's waistband, Bam popped his button and tugged his pants open to slip his hand inside, playing with the dampened head through cotton underwear.

Ville moaned into his mouth, jerking into his touch. "Darling," Ville whispered, pulling back slightly to stare at him with dark, hooded eyes.

"Wanna taste you baby," Bam whispered, pushing his fingers down to cup his lover's balls and rub his palm against the shaft. Groaning, Ville nodded, hips thrusting to push his erection harder into Bam's hand.

"Please, Bam darling, you know how much I love your mouth."

"Mmm yeah baby, as much as I love sucking your beautiful cock into my mouth," Bam whispered, shoving Ville's pants and underwear down, licking his lips as his lover's hard length pushed out towards him, dripping temptingly. Fisting the base, he smiled up at his lover then licked slowly over the head, filling his senses. Musk and silk slid over his tongue and he couldn't prevent a moan, sucking Ville's cock into his mouth till his lips met his fist. He swallowed slowly, swirling his tongue to taste more, feel more.

"Yes," Ville hissed. "So good, my love." His hands clenched tighter in Bam's hair, hips straining against him, trying to push deeper into his mouth. Bam eased back, sucking lightly round the head, lips tight, tongue flicking over the tip as he worked the length with his fist. Ville bucked and jerked against him, moaning loudly, fingertips rubbing his scalp.

"Please darling, Bam, please, I need..."

Bam let go of Ville's cock and sucked him down to the root, swallowing and licking hard, letting go of Ville's hip to let his husband thrust urgently against him. His own dick was pressing hard into his zipper and throbbing almost painfully with desire but he wanted Ville to come before he gave into his own need.

Moaning, he moved faster, sucking harder as Ville fucked his mouth. It felt so good and he wanted more of his lover's taste. He slipped his hands round to Ville's ass, sliding his fingers down the crease and rubbing over the entrance to his body.

"Ah fuck Bam." Ville thrust hard into his mouth and he shuddered as he came, shooting down his throat.

Swallowing and humming happily, Bam eased back, licking the tip of Ville's cock gently then pressing a kiss to his hip.

"God I love you," Ville murmured, bending over and taking his mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. Bam smiled into the kiss, sharing Ville's taste with him.

"Feeling better baby?" he asked as his lover lifted his head.

"Mmm much." Ville smiled slowly at him and sank down to his knees, pushing Bam's legs apart and wrapping his arms round his waist. Bam couldn't resist stroking long, dark hair, bending to kiss his lover.

"So baby, what do you want to do now?" he whispered.

"Well, I should really be writing."

"Oh." Bam bit back disappointment and nodded. "Okay baby."

"Oh my darling," Ville said, giving him a kiss. "How can you make me love you even more than I already did? You really would let me go and write, wouldn't you?"

"Baby, it's not a question of letting you," Bam sighed. "If it's what you need to do then I'm not going to stop you."

"What about this?" Ville cupped his crotch and Bam gasped, his erection pulsing needily against his lover's touch.

"I can wait or, you know, take care of it." He shrugged and managed a smile.

Ville blinked once, slowly, a dark smile spreading across his lips. "Or, you could bend me over the end of the bed and fuck me till I scream."

Bam's breath hitched and he nearly came in his pants just from the suggestion. "Oh fuck yeah baby," he gasped. He pushed Ville back enough to get up, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt as he hurried to the bag.

"Don't get undressed," Ville murmured huskily, pushing his pants and underwear off and leaning over the end of the bed. Bam swallowed hard at the sight of his lover's tight ass and dug out a tube of lube quickly.

"Damn you're so hot baby," he breathed, moving to kneel down behind his lover, stroking a hand down his spine to his ass and cupping a cheek to squeeze gently.

"Bam," Ville gasped softly.

"Yeah baby?"

"Please Bam, fuck me."

"Patience."

"Oh you little..."

"Hush baby," Bam whispered, bending down further to nip a firm buttock. Ville gasped again and jerked back against him. He couldn't resist, he wanted to taste more of his lover before he finally got to fuck him. Kissing Ville's tailbone, he slid his tongue down into the crease of his ass, licking slowly down to his balls as his lover whimpered. The noise made his cock jerk and his balls tighten with need, Ville's taste heightening his desire. He lapped harder, gripping his lover's hips tightly to stop him moving against him.

"Oh God, Bam please, fuck me please," Ville begged, body trembling against him.

"Yes baby," he murmured against soft skin before he straightened up and grabbed the lube he'd dropped. He pulled open his pants and hitched his underwear down enough for his cock to push out, dripping and straining, ready for his gorgeous husband. He squeezed clear gel onto his hand and quickly rubbed it over his shaft, biting back a groan, forcing himself back from the edge.

Leaning over Ville's slender body, he kissed the back of his neck and slid his cock down to the entrance of his body.

"Yes," Ville groaned, pushing back against his dick.

Biting down on Ville's neck with a whimper, Bam thrust into his body, tight heat sucking him inside, the silken grasp around him taking his breath away.

"Fuck baby, I love being inside you," he whispered as he held still, deep inside his husband trying not to come too quickly.

"Me too darling," Ville grunted, trying to thrust back against him.

"Easy baby," Bam groaned, holding him still. Ville whined in frustration.

"Sweetheart, you're killing me."

"I'm sorry baby," he whispered, slowly easing back, eyelids fluttering at the ripple of muscle around his cock, then he thrust forward hard and deep, angling down to hit Ville's prostate.

"Ah fuck yes Bam!" Ville's back arched and his hips jerked back, taking him deeper. "Fuck me darling, I need you."

Burying his face in his lover's neck, Bam rocked his hips, thrusting hard and fast, staying deep inside Ville's body. His husband was too tight, too hot, too fucking perfect and pleasure swept through his body. He shuddered as he came, crying out against Ville's skin, lips parting for him to pant harshly for breath.

"Oh my darling," Ville breathed. "Darling, need to come again."

"Horny baby?" Bam asked with a chuckle.

"You make me feel so good my love."

"We can swap positions if you want baby."

"No, I want to feel you inside me when I come," Ville gasped, pushing up to sit back in his lap, taking his cock deeper and sending an aftershock of pleasure through Bam's body.

"Can I jack you off baby?"

"Please darling," Ville whispered, dropping his head back against his shoulder. Bam slid his hands round his lover's body, one down to his groin and the other up to his chest, circling a nipple as he fisted hard cock and stroked, tight and fast.

"Mmm yes love, feels good, harder please." Ville gasped and moaned, bucking into his hand. Bam grinned into Ville's neck and twisted his nipple hard. "Bam!" Ville shuddered and jerked, coming hot and wet over his hand before collapsing back against him. Closing his eyes and smiling happily, Bam hugged his lover tightly.

"Love you baby," he murmured.

"Rakastan sua heila."

They held each other quietly until Bam's softening cock slipped free of his lover's body then they got up, heading into the bathroom hand in hand and geting into the shower together. They cuddled up under the spray, Bam resting his head on his lover's shoulder, arms wrapped round his waist.

"Let's wait till after the wedding to come out properly baby."

"Why love?"

"To maintain an element of privacy, I just don't want any interruptions or shit when we're in Vegas."

"You want a private wedding before we have a public relationship?"

"Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense..."

"Yes it does darling, I don't want a media circus for our wedding either, even if I want to be out too."

"Yeah, that's it baby." Bam smiled up at his lover and kissed him. "I love you, you always know what I mean."

"After eight years living with you and loving you, I should hope so Bam."

"But you always have."

"Because you are my soul, my love," Ville whispered.

Bam's heart clenched tightly, love and happiness filling him till his eyes were brimming. "Love you baby," he whispered back.

"Don't cry sweetheart."

"I'm not, I'm just happy baby." He smiled up at his husband and kissed him gently. "Come on, let's get ready for bed so you can write."

"Thank you darling, that would be good."

They got out of the shower and dried off, brushing their teeth and pullig on pyjama pants to curl up on the bed together. Ville grabbed a notepad and pen from his bag and Bam lay his head on his lover's stomach to watch.

"You need Sylvester?"

"Not right now darling, besides, I left him at the mansion."

Bam snickered mildly, it never failed to amuse him that his husband talked about his guitar like it was an actual person. "Cool."

He closed his eyes to the sound of pen on paper and Ville humming, slowly falling asleep.

@>*~

RYAN

He couldn't sleep, had been tossing and turning for hours. They'd got back to the mansion to find that Linde hadn't got back and he was worried. What if Linde hated him? What would happen then, could he even get his ex-lover to talk to him if that was the case, let alone try for forgiveness, for another chance.

Sighing tiredly, he got up, pulling a pair of trackpants on over his boxers but not bothering with a t-shirt. It was too hot and he was too agitated for sleep. He headed down for the large sitting room and poured himself a drink, collapsing on the couch with a heavy sigh.

As he sipped his whisky- trying not to give into the urge to just grab the bottle and drown his misery in booze- he heard the door open then slam shut and suddenly Linde walked into the room. They both froze and Ryan couldn't help staring. The blond was so beautiful despite his dreads being in a mess, his face being too pale and his eyes reddened.

"I... Linde, are you okay?"

"That's none of your business."

"Okay." Ryan dropped his gaze and clasped his hands between his legs.

"Why are you here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"No Ryan, why are you here, in LA?"

Ryan flinched at Linde's tone and shrugged slowly, not quite able to meet his gaze again. "Because Bam asked..."

"You've never done anything with Bam when it involved the band."

"I know."

"So why now, why here?"

"I wanted... I wanted to see you."

"You could have seen me anytime Ryan, Bam's your best friend for Christ's sake."

"But you didn't want to see me," Ryan said, looking up again.

"I don't want to see you now, what's different?"

"Manna's with Burton."

Linde blinked at him. "Manna's been with Burton for years."

"But I didn't know that."

"Well she wasn't going to be with me, was she?"

Ryan flushed, dropping his gaze again.

"You thought..." Linde started to laugh, the sound harsh and bitter. "I'm gay Ryan, you of all people should know that."

"You have a child with her."

"We were drunk, I don't even remember it, Jesus Ryan!" Linde threw his hands up in the air and strode over to the bar, pouring himself a drink, downing it in one go and pouring another. "So now you know I'm single, you what? You thought you could go for a convenient fuck again?"

Breath hitching against the deserved pain, Ryan shook his head slowly. "I miss you."

"Oh don't you fucking dare," Linde shouted. "It's been four years since..." he trailed off, flushing vividly. "Why are you here?" he whispered, suddenly sounding desperate and tired.

"I'm sorry Lin', I don't want to cause you pain..."

"Too damn late."

Ryan swallowed hard against tears. Was it too late to make up for causing that pain too?

"But I..."

"But you what Ryan?" Linde snapped.

"I didn't mean to."

"You walked out on me after a stupid, pointless argument, twice, and you didn't mean to hurt me?" Linde snorted in disbelief and swigged down more whisky.

"No."

"So why?"

"I did it for you," Ryan whispered painfully.

"You son of a bitch!" Linde darted forward and slapped him hard across the face. Ryan gasped, clutching his cheek in shock as Linde flushed and backed away. "I'm sorry."

Ryan shook his head. "I deserved it."

"I need to go and... and check in on Olivia."

"Lin'."

"Save it."

Sighing, Ryan watched Linde stride out of the room, wishing he had the nerve to call him back. What did he do now? Was that progress or had he just made things worse?

Getting up, he grabbed the bottle of whisky and sat back on the couch, swigging straight from the neck.

@>*~

He woke with a groan, head throbbing, the taste of dog's ass in his mouth, which- thanks to the Jackass crew- he actually knew for a fact. The empty bottle was on the floor next to him and he could see two Adio-clad pairs of feet opposite.

Groaning again, Ryan forced himself into an upright position, pushing aside the blanket that had been covering him, and focused, with difficulty, on the concerned faces of his two best friends.

"Don't," he sighed.

"Don't what?"

"I screwed up, okay?"

"Ryan," Bam sighed. "Why on earth would you drink a whole bottle of whisky?"

"Linde and I had a fight, well a couple of fights."

"Ah Ryan." Ville got up and walked over to him, helping him up from the floor to the couch before sitting next to him.

"He hates me."

"No he doesn't, he's just trying to protect himself."

"If that's the case, how can I ever get him to trust me?"

"Just keep trying dude," Bam said, moving to sit on his other side, hugging him close. "And don't get pass-out-drunk huh? That's not gonna impress him."

"Yeah, I guess." Ryan sighed, kissed both his friends on the cheek and stood. "I need to brush my teeth and take a shower."

"Yeah, you definitely do."

"Thanks Bam, really."

"I'll bring some water and Tylenol up to you."

Ryan almost managed a smile. "Thanks Bam."

He headed up to his room and stripped off, heading straight into the bathroom to take a shower. He turned the heat up, letting the water pound out the stiffness in his neck and shoulders.

What the hell had he been thinking, drinking that much? If Linde had seen... or worse, Olivia. The girl shouldn't have to see some asshole passed out drunk, especially not one who wanted to be part of her life.

Washing off, he scrubbed his face and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel round his waist so he could brush his teeth. He felt almost human enough to face the world again and headed back into his room where Bam was sitting on his bed.

"You look better," Bam said, holding out two pills and a glass of water.

"Thanks man," he said, sinking down onto the bed next to his friend and taking the proferred painkillers. He swallowed them down with a gulp of water and sighed.

"Did anyone else see me?"

"No. Well, I don't think so, although I don't know where you got that blanket from."

"Shit man, what a great start. I fight with him then get stinking drunk."

"Did you really fight?"

"No, I tried to talk to him and made things worse."

Bam snorted. "That's you all over."

"Bam, you're really not helping right now."

"Sorry." Bam slipped an arm round his shoulders. "Linde loved you and I think Ville's right, I don't think he ever stopped."

"But..."

"Shut up dick, I'm trying to be helpful now."

"Okay."

"He loved you for you. You might be a stubborn, stoic asshole but you're also sweet, funny, loyal and you've always got my back..."

Ryan flushed and shoved at his friend in embarrassment. "Shut up dude."

"Sorry." Bam grinned and pulled him close again. "I was saying, you need to remind him why he loved you and you're ninety-nine percent of your way there."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Ninety-nine?"

"Yeah. He knows you, he knows that when you commit to something, that's it." Bam gave him a kiss on the cheek. "That one percent is just his last bit of doubt you have to get over."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks man."

"What are best friends for?"

Ryan snorted loudly. "Yeah right."

"Asshole," Bam said, elbowing him.

"Dick."

"Paskiainen."

"Drama queen."

"Oh you fucker." Bam shifted to leap at him and Ryan stood quickly.

"Don't, I've only got a towel on."

"Um so?"

"So I'm sure Ville wouldn't appreciate you rolling around with a naked guy."

"Okay, number one, it's just you and number two, he trusts me completely and totally."

"What do you mean it's just me?"

"I've known you since you were five, I've seen it all, heard it all. If you're so worried get dressed and then I'll kick your butt."

"You'll kick my butt?"

Bam stuck his jaw out. "Hell yeah."

Ryan dragged on shorts and pants and put his hands on his hips. "Bring it on asshole."

"You know, I think you should show off that tattoo as much as possible, remind him of your commitment to him."

"Well I guess it's warm enough."

"And you're hot enough," Bam said with a chuckle.

"Thanks."

"Get dressed Ryan, it's time to go film and shit."

"Yeah okay." He pulled on a t-shirt that had rips down the sides so the beautiful, yellow lily tattoo he'd got on his ribs was partially visible. Shoving his feet back into his sneakers, he nodded at his friend. "Let's go."

"Cool." Bam slid an arm round his waist and they walked down the corridor, almost knocking over Linde who rounded a corner carrying the blanket that had covered him in the sitting room.

"Hey Linde, you okay?"

"Uh." Linde flushed, glancing at Ryan then staring at his feet, clearing his throat. "Yeah, yes fine thank you Bam. You?"

Heart pounding, Ryan stared. Had Linde been the one to cover him? Was that a good or bad sign though?

"Cool yeah, see you downstairs."

"You're awake then," Linde commented, flashing a glare at him. Ryan flushed, swallowing back embarrassment.

"Uh yeah."

"Linde," Bam sighed.

"Don't Bam, I know he's your best friend but that doesn't mean I have to pretend I'm fine with him being here."

Ryan flinched and tried to leave but Bam held onto him tightly.

"You can at least be civil Linde," Bam snapped. "He feels bad enough as it is."

"Yeah?" Linde smiled tightly, teeth clenched. "Good." He pushed past them, hurrying to his room.

"I don't need you to stand up for me like that."

Bam pulled back and glared at him. "You're welcome."

"Sorry, I just, don't antagonise him, please."

"Ryan, he's not getting away with that shit. He's one of my best friends, I'll say what I like to him."

"Bam."

"No, I'm serious. I know he's angry with you but as far as he's concerned you're here to do a job, he could at least be polite to you."

Ryan sighed, letting Bam hug him close and guide him to the stairs again. "I guess."

"He put a blanket over you though, that's got to be good."

"Maybe but he saw me like that which I didn't want."

"At least he knows how much he affects you."

"Yeah great."

"Come on Ryan."

"Hey guys, ready to shoot?"

"Frantzie boy, got the camera?"

"Yeah."

"Cool, Ryan, you want to film today?"

Glancing at his best friend, Ryan nodded, having something to hide behind sounded like a good idea.

"Where's Ville?" Bam asked, looking round a little agitatedly.

"Uh, in the studio I think."

"Cool, come on Ryan, I need my baby."

One of the techs froze and did a double take. "Wh-what'd he say?"

Bam snorted loudly and headed for the studio. Ryan shrugged at the tech and they all followed in time to see Ville clutch Bam close, fingers in his hair, and kiss him tenderly.

"Whoa."

Ryan slapped the tech's shoulder. "You'll get used to it." He walked over to the couple, who were starting to get a little hot and heavy, and poked Bam.

"Hey!"

"Cool it down guys, not everyone is accustomed to the Ville and Bam porn show."

"We are not a porn show asshole."

"Whatever you say."

"Ryan, you know very well that was nothing," Ville said softly.

"Nothing?" Bam gasped.

"Darling, I didn't mean it like that," Ville sighed.

"Really." Bam glared stonily at his lover.

"Bam you know I didn't, don't overreact."

The silence was tense for a moment as Bam stared at Ville, expressionless, jaw hard. Ryan sighed, it could go one of two ways... well ultimately one way. They were either going to argue, storm off and end up fucking or they were going to run off and fuck, which would leave him without two of his main supports for a while.

As if by some silent signal, the couple suddenly both moved, clasping each other close and kissing hard. Tim got up from his desk and cleared his throat loudly.

"Would you two just go and get it over with so we can get some work done?"

Bam pulled back, grinning widely. "Thank Tim, give us an hour."

Rolling his eyes, Tim nodded. "Yeah, yeah, go."

Bam grabbed Ville's hand and dragged him from the room.

"No one talks about this, got it?" Tim said firmly, looking round at the techs.

"Yeah, yes sure."

Ryan sighed, there wasn't much point filming in the studio, Gas was laying more drum tracks and without Ville, there didn't seem much point as they had footage from the previous day. But, that meant going to find the rest of the band and he wasn't sure he could face that.

Then again, how was he going to make any progress if he didn't make an effort to spend time with Linde?

Nervously, he headed to the sitting room to find the rest of the band, leaving Frantz talking to Tim.

Migé was on his cell and waved at him, Burton and Manna were curled up in front of the TV and Linde was sitting in the far corner in a massive armchair with Olivia in his lap reading to him in Finnish.

"Hey Ryan, I thought you guys were filming in the studio this morning," Migé said, hanging up and beckoning him over.

"Well, we were but Ville and Bam, you know."

"You're kidding me, already?"

"Yeah."

"How long do you think they'll be?"

"An hour or so."

"So what now?"

"I don't know really. I'd film you guys but I know you don't want anyone to know about Manna and Olivia being here."

"True but as Bam's doing all the editing himself you might as well film everything."

"Give him extra work huh? Okay I just might." Ryan shifted uncomfortably, he could feel Linde's stare burning into the back of his head.

"How's your head?"

"Bit sore."

"Yeah I'll bet, how much did you drink?"

"Too much."

Migé patted his arm. "We've all done it man."

"Not at work," Linde said suddenly, making Ryan flinch.

"Oh please," Migé snorted, turning to raise an eyebrow at Linde. "You got us banned from an entire country with your drunken behaviour, at least he just passed out."

Ryan turned to stare at his ex in shock. "A whole country?"

"Only Luxembourg," Linde mumbled, flushing brightly.

Ryan pressed his lips together, trying to hold back a snort of laughter.

"It's not funny."

"Yes it is," Migé said, laughing so loudly that Ryan couldn't help chuckling.

"What did you do Isi?"

"I was naughty and I got into a lot of trouble," Linde sighed.

"Which is why Isi doesn't drink anymore baby," Manna said, looking over the back of the couch at them. "It always gets him into trouble." She winked at Linde who smiled fondly back at her.

"Not always."

"You were lucky," she said, staring pointedly at him.

"I know." Linde grinned and kissed the top of Olivia's head. "Okay Livy, you want to keep reading?"

"Want to read to Ryan too, Isi."

Swallowing hard, Ryan looked up at Linde who was looking back at him. He didn't seem to be glaring anymore, his gaze was more contemplative and Ryan shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to think.

"Okay baby, go and get a book in English."

"Yay!" Olivia clapped, bouncing off her father's lap and scurrying over to him. "Come with me Ryan," she said, grinning at him and holding out her hand.

"Um." Instinctively, he looked up at Linde again for permission, who in turn looked to Manna.

"It's okay Ryan, you don't have to," Manna said.

"No, I want to."

"Okay, just don't let her sidetrack you showing you her toys."

"No problem." Ryan took Olivia's hand and let her lead him up to the room she was shring with Linde.

Ryan took a tentative step into the room and gasped at the familiar, much-missed scent of the older man, the same and yet different because of Olivia's presence. The little girl bounded across the room far too energetically and jumped on one of the beds that had a bright pink cover on it.

"I didn't bring many toys but Isi let me bring lots of books."

Moving over slowly, Ryan lowered himself onto Linde's bed, running his hand over the covers and his breath stuck in his chest.

"Isi sleeps there."

"I know."

"Why is Isi mean to you? Weren't you friends?"

Breath hitching, Ryan managed a tight smile and shrugged. "Because I was stupid and scared and I hurt your daddy badly."

Olivia blinked widely in confusion. "Why were you scared? Isi's not scary."

"I was scared of how much I..." He stopped and shook his head.

She smiled at him. "You love my Isi."

"What?" he gasped.

"You love Isi."

"Well I... why would you say that?"

"Because your eyes are pretty when you look at him, like when Eno Bam and Eno Ville look at each other."

"Oh well um."

"You do, don't you?"

Ryan sighed. "Yes I do."

"Goodie." She clapped and leaned over to the pile of books next to her bed.

Reaching over, Ryan picked up Linde's pillow and held it up to his face, inhaling deeply, a shiver of warmth and unbearable sadness filling him. What was he doing? How could he really expect to change anything?

Bowing his head, he put the pillow back down, struggling against tears.

"Don't cry," Olivia said softly, climbing onto the bed next to him and hugging him. "Just tell Isi anteeksi."

"It's not as simple as that."

"But why not?" She sounded so sincere and honestly confused that he couldn't help a smile, kissing the top of her head.

"I probably should say sorry at least though huh?"

"Kyllä."

"Kiitos Olivia."

She beamed up at him. "Puhutte suomea."

"Only a little."

"Hyvä. Come on let's go downstairs to Isi again."

"Okay." He took the book for her and held out his hand. When she took it, his heart tightened a little, warmth sweeping through his chest. He led him back down to the sitting room and over to where Linde was sitting.

"Sit together."

"What?"

"Mitä?" Linde stared at his daughter.

"I want to sit between you two, please Isi, please Ryan."

"Um well, Olivia, I don't think..." Ryan started.

"Please?" she wheedled, batting her eyelids at both of them.

"Okay," Linde said softly.

Ryan's heart started to pound. "R-really?"

"You try saying no to that," Linde said with a snort.

Looking at Olivia's pleading face, Ryan couldn't help a smile, nodding and sitting down after Linde had shifted. Olivia jumped on them and wiggled between them, settling happily with the book on her lap.

@>*~

"Hey guys."

Bam and Ville finally appeared and Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. Sitting next to Linde had been pure torture; the scent of him, the warmth and feel of him. He hadn't been able to stop himself from constantly turning to look and every time, he'd met Linde's beautiful eyes for just a second and he had no idea why the older man kept staring at him but it wasn't helping his sanity.

He kept wondering if he tasted the same, if his skin would feel the same under his fingers, lips, tongue, kept remembering how he would kiss lips, ear, neck, worship Linde's body and it was driving him crazy. All he wanted was to lean over and kiss him and there was no way he could risk giving into that urge.

"Bam, Ville, good of you to join us."

"Ah fuck you Migé," Bam said with a good natured grin.

"I keep telling you, not in front of Ville."

Ville snorted loudly. "Yeah right."

"What, you don't think I could?"

"Darling, I think you could have any man you wanted if you wanted to, I just know that you wouldn't."

"Smooth," Ryan said, nodding slowly and smirking at them.

"Shut up Ryan," Bam said, pouting at him. He wrapped his arms round Ville's neck. "You think I could have anyone huh?"

"Yes I do love, you are beautiful and..."

"Oh give it a rest before you end up disappearing off again," Ryam sighed, pulling a face when Bam glared at him.

"Yeah, yeah okay. Come on, we're going to Toi for lunch."

"I want a Yellow Jimmy," Ville murmured, bending to kiss Bam's neck.

"You always do baby."

"Are you saying I'm predictable."

"No baby, just reliable." Bam grinned and kissed Ville again. Ryan sighed, sometimes the couple could be a little too much. He wasn't jealous but he was envious of what they had, what he might have had and still hoped for with Linde.

"Come on Olivia," Manna said as she and Burton stood. "Get up so Isi and Ryan can get up too."

"Okay." Putting down her book, she got up and scampered to her mother and stepfather, taking both their hands. Gas stuck his head round the door.

"Mulla on nälkä."

"When aren't you hungry," Bam laughed, taking Ville's hand.

As the others left the room, Ryan started to stand but Linde grabbed his arm. Gasping softly, Ryaan looked up and swallowed to try and get some moisture back in his mouth.

"I just, I just wanted to say thanks."

"What for?" Ryan asked nervously.

"Being so good with Olivia, she likes you."

"Well, I like her too, she's adorable."

Linde smiled proudly. "Yes she is."

"She's smart too, her English is amazing."

Linde's expression hardened suddenly. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Try and, I don't know, ingratiate yourself, use Olivia like that."

Anger flashed behind his eyes and Ryan dragged himself back. "I would never... how can you even think that I..." He shhok his head. "You know what, never mind, you never did think much of me," he sighed, turning away and heading for the door.

"Me?" Linde snapped. "I'm the one who doesn't think much of you? You son of a bitch, I love you, I'm not the one who walked away."

Ryan's breath hitched as he froze and did a double take. "You love me?"

Linde's eyes went wide and he shook his head. "Loved."

"No, you said love."

Pushing past him, Linde paused at the door. "I said loved, sometimes..." he swallowed audibly. "Sometimes I think I hate you."

It was like being sucker punched. The breath left his body in a rush of pain and he stumbled back, collapsing onto a chair as Linde hurried out.

It could have been moments or hours later but suddenly, Bam was holding onto him tightly. He buried his face in his best friend's neck and forced himself to breathe and not cry.

"What happened?"

"He hates me."

"No, he doesn't," Bam sighed. "He just doesn't know how to deal with you right now, you know?"

"I suppose."

"Keep it together Ryan, this is where you need to keep it together."

"I don't know if I can do this Bam."

"Yes you do," Bam said firmly. "You've had eight years of heartbreak, loneliness and regret, you want that for the rest of your life?"

"No." He shook his head then shifted up to meet his friend's concerned gaze. "The trouble is Bam, I don't think I can bear it if he doesn't at least forgive me."

"He'll forgive you," Bam whispered, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead. "He loves you and you're going to win him over because you love him."

"I do," Ryan sighed. "And it hurts to see how much I hurt him."

"I know but you can make it better. Ville and I can fight really bad, you know that but he always makes it better if he hurts me or vice versa because we love each other."

"If I have to spend the rest of my life trying, I'll make it better."

"I know you will, now come on, let's go grab some lunch huh?"

Ryan took a deep breath for control and nodded. "Yeah okay."

They got up and Bam smoothed out his t-shirt and reached up, wiping gently under his eyes and pushing the corners of his mouth up.

"Smile boy."

Unable to help snickering, Ryan hugged his friend. "You are such an asshole, you know that?"

"Yeah yeah, so you say." Bam grinned at him and they left the room arm in arm to where Ville was waiting for them.

"The others went ahead. You okay Ryan?"

"No but I'm better than I was."

"Bam has his uses."

"Hey." Bam smacked his husband's arm. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're a good friend darling."

"Right." Bam sniffed but kissed Ville's cheek. "Come on, let's get to the restaurant, I'm hungry."

"Of course you are." "Baby," Bam whined, pouting again. Ville laughed, rolling his eyes before bending to drop a quick kiss on his bottom lip.

@>*~

They took a cab to rejoin the others at the restaurant, sitting at the table they'd already taken over. Tim and Frantz were sitting at one end, opposite each other, Burton and Manna next to each other down one side followed by Olivia and finally Linde. Migé was sitting opposite Burton and Bam immediately positioned Ville and himself opposite Manna and Olivia, leaving Ryan to sit opposite Linde. Again.

He glared at Bam who nodded his head pointedly at Linde, eyes earnest. Sighing, Ryan sat down, not quite able to look up at the blond man that he loved so desperately. Linde had said that he loved him, he knew it. It hadn't been a slip of the tongue, or rather it had, Linde had said what he really felt by accident. The trouble was, he hadn't said he hated him by accident, he'd meant that too.

So what the hell did it mean? How did he make it so that Linde didn't hate him at all? At least Linde had said he thought he hated him. That was something, hope.

Everyone gave their order and the table split into separate conversations, Tim, Joe and Migé discussing the recording schedule and the two couples whispering to each other and sharing the occasional kiss. People were staring at Ville and Bam but they ignored it.

"I thought you weren't coming out till after the wedding," Ryan whispered.

"Not officially, no but screw hiding it man," Bam said with a shrug. He leaned in, dropping his voice. "Talk to him."

"About what?"

"Him, you, I don't know just do it."

"We just had a fight."

"So?" Bam glared at him. "Make a fucking effort."

"Stop whispering Eno Bam, it's rude."

"I wasn't the only one," Bam said with a pout, looking over at Olivia.

"No but you're the naughty one."

Linde snorted loudly and Ryan looked up in surprise.

"What Isi?"

"Ryan can be extremely naughty."

"Yeah well, who exactly was my inspiration?" Ryan retorted without even thinking.

Linde flushed, a smile tugging at slim lips.

"Were you both naughty Isi?"

"Yes baby, in a way," Linde said softly.

"Why aren't you friends anymore Isi?"

Ryan's breath hitched, heart pounding as the entire table fell silent. Blue eyes fixed on him, so cold he couldn't help a shiver.

"That's a good question Livy, why aren't we friends anymore Ryan?"

Unable to tear his eyes away, Ryan swallowed, fighting back the urge to cry and run away like a girl. "Because I..."

"Go on Ryan, tell us," Linde said again, his tone icy.

"I..."

"That's enough Linde," Migé snapped.

"Why?"

"It's okay Migé," Ryan sighed.

Linde snarled something harshly in Finnish, too fast for him to understand but Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyes went round and bright.

"Isi!" She slapped the table with her hand. "I don't like it when you're mean Isi," she said, starting to cry.

"Heila, anteeksi." Linde picked up his daughter and quickly caried her out of the restaurant.

"Damn it," Ryan sighed. "I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean..."

"It's okay Ryan," Manna said before any of the others could. "Just let Olivia work her magic."

Ryan raised a questioning eyebrow and Manna smiled.

"She likes you, she'll make him feel bad for being rude to you."

"I deserve it."

"No you don't, not like this. What happened between you two is between you two and he should keep it that way. It's all very well to fight but not to involve friends like that, to make you feel even worse."

Bam shifted uncomfortably suddenly, clearing his throat and ducking his head.

"Oh not like you and Ville," Manna sighed. "You guys might have some huge fights in public but you don't involve the rest of us."

"I guess," Bam said softly.

"Right, you guys finish up, I'll go and find Linde." She stood and dropped a kiss onto Burton's lips. "See you later guys."

"I like her."

Burton grinned. "Thank you Ryan."

"Yeah, Manna rocks," Bam said with a nod.

They finished their meals and all took a cab back to the Paramore to get back to filming and recording. Linde was nowhere to be found but Manna and Olivia were in the sitting room. Olivia got up and ran over, hugging his leg and Ryan couldn't help reaching down to pat her hair. She grinned and beckoned him close.

"Isi said he was a jerk," she whispered.

"Did he?" Ryan whispered back.

"Yeah, I think he's sorry."

"Where is he?"

"In our room."

"Okay, thank you Olivia. I think I might go and talk to him."

"Okay, nakemiin."

Ryan made his way slowly up the stairs, heart pounding again, nerves making his mouth dry and his stomach alive with butterflies. He knocked quietly on Linde's door.

"Mitä nyt?" Linde snapped.

"Can I come in?"

The door was yanked open and Linde stood in front of him, dreads swinging loose. He'd changed into a sleeveless t-shirt and low-slung trackpants and he looked beautiful.

"What do you want?"

"To talk to you."

"We have nothing to talk about." Linde started to close the door but Ryan stopped him.

"You didn't seem to think that at the restaurant."

"Fine, come in but make it quick." Linde let go of the door and turned, walking back into the room. Sighing, Ryan followed him inside, closing the door behind them. "So talk."

Linde's expression was cold, blue eyes like frozen topaz and Ryan shivered.

"I just wanted to... I just."

"What?"

"I'm sorry Lin', I just wanted to say I'm sorry okay?"

"For what? Not trusting me? You know what Ryan, you did me a favour, I was ready to risk everything, my heart, to be with you again but you didn't even take five seconds to listen to me. You didn't trust me."

"Oh like you trusted me I suppose?" Ryan snapped. "You listened to five seconds of a conversation and assumed I was using you, remember?"

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it?"

Linde stared at him for a moment longer before sighing heavily and sagging down onto his bed.

"Okay, maybe it is but you still didn't listen to me either time, you just ran away."

"I know and I'm sorry," Ryan sighed.

"Look, why are we even talking about this now Ryan?"

Sighing, Ryan sat down next to Linde and glanced at him. "Because I was wrong and stupid and I'm sorry."

"Wrong?"

"To be so... I ran away because I was scared of getting hurt." His breath hitched and he lowered his head. "I didn't realise that being without you would hurt more than anything in my entire life."

"Don't."

"Lin'."

"Don't please."

"I miss you."

"You still don't listen do you?" Linde whispered, his breath hitching. "I said don't."

"I'm sorry Lin'," Ryan sighed. "I just don't want you to hate me anymore."

Linde sighed softy, leaning against him. "I don't... I don't hate you okay?"

Ryan's throat tightened with the threat of tears, renewed hope almost overwhelming him.

"Okay," he managed, fighting the urge to put his arm round the older man and pull him closer, to feel the warmth of his body against thigh and torso not just his shoulder. "Do, do you, will you forgive me?"

"I don't know Ryan, you really hurt me."

"And I've regretted it with every heartbeat since."

"Ryan," Linde sighed softly.

"Sorry."

"Maybe you should go."

"Okay." Biting back another apology and the urge to beg for Linde's forgiveness, Ryan got up, walking slowly over to the door.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?" He turned back to meet blue eyes that seemed warmer somehow.

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you," Ryan whispered. Leaving the room, he closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, breathing deeply to recover his composure.

"Hei Ryan."

"Hei Olivia, what are you doing up here?"

She moved closer and hugged his leg. "To see you and Isi. Are you okay?"

"I'm getting there."

"Isi wasn't mean again was he?"

"No Olivia, we talked that's all."

"Okay, I'll go and see him."

"I think he could probably use a hug sweetheart."

She looked up at him solemnly. "Do you need a hug too?"

His throat tightened with emotion but he shook his head. "You go to your daddy, I'll get a hug from Bambam."

"He gives good hugs," she said, grinning at him.

"I know."

She let his leg go and he patted her hair gently.

"Nakemiin Ryan."

"Later Olivia."

@>*~

Ryan went back downstairs, sticking his head round the door of the sitting room to see if Bam was there. Migé looked up at him.

"Hey you okay?"

"Kinda yeah, at least we didn't really argue this time."

"Just keep trying but don't push, you'll get there."

"Yeah I hope so. Where's Bam?"

"Um, I don't know, he had a call from his mother."

"Oh okay, I'll go find him, see what's up. Later guys."

Migé waved as Burton and Manna smiled at him.

Bam wasn't in the studio with Tim and Gas so Ryan hurried outside, coming to an abrupt halt when he saw Bam and Ville sitting on the steps, clinging together tightly. Bam's face was buried in his husband's neck and his shoulders were shaking.

"Bam?"

Sniffing, Bam lifted his head, staring up at him with red-rimmed eyes, cheeks wet with tears.

"Bam what's wrong?"

"I have to go to Philly."

"What? Why?"

"Kelly's in hospital, Jess and Ape are in pieces."

"The baby's okay, isn't t?"

"I don't know." Bam's breath hitched a little, "I don't want to leave Ville but how can I not go?"

"Come on dude, it won't be for long surely?"

Bam glared at him. "I've been back less than two weeks after two months apart Ryan."

"Sorry."

"Darling, we'll be okay, we always are."

"I know baby," Bam sighed. "But I miss you already."

"I know my love," Ville said, gently cupping Bam's cheek and kissing him so sweetly and tenderly that Ryan could see tears start to trickle down Bam's cheeks again. "Don't cry," Ville whispered, wiping away the wet tracks. "Just be safe and come back to me soon okay?"

"Of course baby, of course I will."

"What? Are you going now Bam?"

"Pretty much yeah, Phil sounded desperate on the phone."

"Call me as soon as you get there darling," Ville whispered kissing his forehead.

"I will baby," Bam sighed, hugging the older man close, resting his head on his shoulder for a moment.

"You want me to come too?" Ryan asked.

"No it's cool, you need to be here if you're going to get into Linde's good books again."

"Yeah I guess. You want me to keep filming the recording and stuff."

"Yeah, that'd be cool man thanks. And look after Ville for me."

"Quite capable of looking after myself thank you," Ville said smartly.

"Baby, you know you're lost without me."

Ville chuckled quietly. "Yes darling, I do know but I'll survive knowing you'll come back okay?"

"Yeah okay." Bam sighed softly and stood finally. "I'd better get my bag."

"I'll wait here darling."

"Okay."

Ryan watched Bam head into the mansion and slipped an arm round Ville's waist. "You okay man?"

"I have to be, Bam needs to go and I need to be here," Ville said quietly. "We don't ever get used to being apart but it's something we deal with."

"I know that feeling."

"Just keep letting Linde know that Ryan."

"Yeah?"

"Well of course. He needs to know things like that, to know that you're serious."

"I need him to listen to me first."

"He will, when he realises you're not going anywhere."

"I'm definitely not going anywhere."

A taxi pulled up outside and Bam came back out, carrying a bag.

"I guess I should go."

"I'll miss you darling," Ville whispered thickly. Dropping his bag, Bam flung himself at his husband, clinging to him and kissing him desperately.

"I love you baby," he whispered, resting their foreheads together.

"Rakastan sua," Ville murmured. "Come on love, you should go."

"I know." Bam let the older man go and turned, quickly giving Ryan a hug before he picked up his bag and ran to the cab.

"You've got a little better at parting."

Ville sighed and shook his head, staring after the cab as it drove away. "Not really, just better at steeling ourselves."

"Like ripping off a bandaid."

Turning to look at him, Ville nodded, eyes wide. "Yeah you're right, just like that."

"Come on dude, let's get you back inside." Ryan put his arm back round Ville's waist and guided him in and to the sitting room. They sat on the couches and Ville leaned against him.

"Ville? What's going on?" Migé asked. "Bam just stuck his head in to say goodbye, where's he going?"

"Philly," Ville sighed. "His family need him."

"It's not the baby is it?" Manna asked worriedly.

"Well Kelly's in hospital but Bam didn't say if it was serious," Ryan said.

"He wasn't on the phone long enough to find out."

"So he's gone?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry Ville."

"I know."

Ville snuggled up against him and Ryan sighed, petting the older man's hair gently. "You want me to keep you company at the hotel Ville?"

"No, it's okay Ryan, I won't be very good company and I won't be able to sleep, I'll just keep you up."

"If you're sure."

"I am, thank you Ryan, you're a good friend."

"Hey I love you man, besides Bam would kill me if I didn't look after you."

Ville snorted. "How he thinks I manage when you're not around, I have no idea."

"He expects me and Linde to look after you of course," Migé said with a chuckle.

"It's a conspiracy I swear," Ville sighed. "You'd think it was me who wasn't the grown up."

"A grown up?" Linde came in, carrying Olivia on one hip. "You think highly of yourself."

"Compared to Bam?"

"Oh well yes, I suppose." Linde looked round and frowned. "Where is Bam anyway? Is he off sulking somewhere?"

"No," Ville sighed. "Family emergency."

"You mean he's gone?"

"Yeah."

"He didn't even say goodbye."

"He didn't have time Lintti, don't take it personally, he wasn't exactly thinking straight you know?"

"I guess. Is everything okay?"

"Not sure."

"You're not sure?"

"You know what Bam's like," Ryan said. "He's not exactly details-man."

"True." Linde sighed softly and sat down on the couch next to him. Ryan jumped slightly in surprise, the unexpected contact making his heart stutter. "Well I hope everything's okay."

"He'll call when he gets there and knows more," Ville said.

Ryan sighed. "I should have gone with him."

"No Ryan, he was right, you're needed here."

"For what though? Frantz is perfectly capable of holding the fort, I don't even know why..."

"Ryan," Linde said quietly. "You're needed here."

His heart pounded and his mouth went dry and Ryan shook his head. "I... I don't know about that."

"I'd miss you Ryan," Olivia said. "M'gonna miss Eno Bam."

"We all are sweetheart," Linde said, kissing her hair gently.

"Can I play now Isi?"

"Of course Livy."

She climbed down off her father's lap and skipped over to her stepfather. "Play chess Eno Burton?"

He grinned at her and nodded. "Certainly."

"She plays chess?" Ryan gasped.

"Yeah." Linde smiled proudly at his tiny daughter and shared a grin with Manna before looking at him. "You were right, she's very smart."

"Takes after her Dad then," Ryan whispered. Flushing, Linde managed a smile.

"Thank you."

"It felt good to have the blond talking to him without anger or accusation even though the shy smile made his heart ache. It reminded him of how Linde had been when they'd first met. If only he could go back in time and slap his younger self silly for being such an idiot but that was past and he'd learned from his mistakes. Now he just had to prove it to Linde. He smiled back at the blond and tried not to lean against him too much.

@>*~

Things were progressing slowly. Whilst Linde didn't seem to be angry with him anymore, he still wasn't really talking to him.

Migé had finished recording his parts and Ville had been throwing himself into work far too unhealthily but none of them had been able to calm down, not even Linde. The singer looked exhausted all the time and Ryan knew he and Bam were spending hours on the phone each night. At least they knew Kelly and the baby were okay.

Frantz had done most of the filming so far but he'd decided to take a couple of days off. Ryan had a feeling he'd done it deliberately to coincide with Linde laying down his tracks to force them to spend time together.

Watching Linde play was not going to help his sense of regret and guilt or his deep, aching desire. Even over the years apart, he hadn't been able to help watching videos and live footage constantly, his attention focused helplessly on Linde's long, slender body, beautiful, agile fingers and that look of concentration that always reminded him of making love with the older man. To have it, see him, right in front of him again after eight long years going to kill him.

He'd been getting looks from the others as soon as they'd found out, ranging from concerned to supportive and it wasn't really helping. Everyone, it seemed, wanted them to get back together and it should have been encouraging but somehow only served to make him feel even more inadequate.

So it was with great trepidation that he headed to the studio with the camera. At least they wouldn't be alone, Tim and at least one tech would be there and probably Ville most of the time; unless they could persuade him to sleep.

"Hey Ryan, you want to take a seat?" Ville smiled and patted his shoulder.

"Yeah okay."

Linde was sitting on a chair near Tim, headphones round his neck, tuning his guitar. As if feeling his gaze, the blond glanced up and half-smiled at him. Breathing in deeply, Ryan swallowed and managed a smile that didn't tremble.

"Hei," Ryan said softly.

"Hei Ryan, mitä... I mean, how are you?"

"Okay I guess."

"Do you really need to film my parts Ryan?"

"Bam's orders, we film as much as possible and he'll sort it out later."

Linde made a rude noise. "You need to do something about that husband of yours Ville."

"You don't have to tell me Lintti," Ville said with a snort.

"Uh guys, filming," Ryan said, laughing helplessly when both men turned to him with looks of horror. "Kidding, kidding, I haven't started yet."

"Paskiainen," Ville gasped out. "I'd have got into so much trouble over that."

"Shouldn't have said it then should ya."

"Aw come on Ryan, you're his best friend, you know what he's like."

Ryan relented. "I know Ville, don't worry so much, after eight years of marriage, he knows you don't mean shit like that."

"Married?" the tech squeaked.

"For God's sake Stuart, suck it up would you?" Tim snapped. "Linde, let's check your levels."

"Okay." Linde put on his headphones and started to strum and Ryan finally started to film.

"They're actually married?" Stuart whispered to him. Ryan nodded.

"Yeah man but contracts and stuff means they can't really come out."

"Dude that's rough."

"Yeah it can be." He smiled at the tech and went back to filming, keeping a wide focus to watch both Linde and Ville as the blond played. He knew Bam would appreciate seeing as much of Ville as possible in the long hours of editing.

While Ville seemed restless and almost manic, pacing and conducting, Linde was calm and as lost in the music as he'd always been. Ryan wanted to put the camera down, prop his chin in his hands and really watch but somehow he managed to keep filming, watching Linde through the lens instead. It made him feel a little removed, which, didn't help him feel any less out of place.

"Ville!"

Ryan jumped at Tim's sudden exclamation.

"Sorry." Ville was grimacing and Ryan realised he'd been so focused that he hadn't noticed anyone but Linde.

"What's going on?" he asked, putting the camera on his lap.

"You're not helping Ville, please, why don't you try and get some sleep or something?"

"I can't sleep," Ville sighed, shoving his hair out of his face.

Linde took his headphones off and reached up to pull Ville down to him, murmuring softly to him in Finnish.

"But I..."

"Viltsu enough, go."

"Okay, okay," Ville sighed. He pressed a kiss to Linde's forehead and patted Ryan's shoulder as he passed him. "I'll see you guys later."

"You okay Ville?"

Smiling tightly, Ville just shrugged. "I miss him."

"I know but he wouldn't want you running yourself ragged, would he?"

"No. I'll try and rest."

"Good. Later man." Ryan turned back to Linde, surprised by the soft smile the blond was directing at him.

"What?" he whispered nervously.

"I almost forgot how deeply you care for your friends."

"Oh." Ryan felt his cheeks flush and he shrugged. "Well, yeah."

"It's sweet."

"Thanks." His mouth was dry again, palms slick against the camera, heart pounding, the blond's smile and words turning his emotions upside down.

"Linde, ready to go again?"

"Yes of course, thank you Tim."

"Should go easier now Ville's not stressing."

Linde smiled and nodded, glancing at Ryan for just a moment before putting his headphones back on and starting to play again. Eventually, Ryan put the camera on his lap, still filming but he wanted to really watch the blond, abssorb himself in sight and sound.

"Okay." Tim stood finally. "I think that's enough for today. You happy so far Linde?"

"Yes I think so. Ville will probably want to go through it all but it can wait till tomorrow."

Tim nodded. "It certainly can."

Ryan tore his eyes from the blond guitarist, turning off the camera and fiddling with it. Suddenly, he was aware of total silence and he stopped, looking up to see Linde staring at him, the room otherwise empty.

"Um well uh, shall we go then?"

"No."

"No?"

"I want to talk to you."

Ryan swallowed hard. "Okay."

"You care for your friends."

"Yes."

"You'd do anything for them?"

"Yes."

"Because you love them."

"Yes. Lin', where are you going with this?"

"What was different with me?"

"What?" Ryan frowned, completely confused.

"You said you were in love with me, you said you loved me Ryan, why didn't you extend me that same courtesy?" Linde was starting to look upset and it tore at Ryan's heart almost as much as the blond's words. "I wanted to do everything for you," he whispered.

"You wouldn't even listen to me, you wouldn't stay." Linde's breath hitched and he turned away. "The first excuse to run away and you took it."

"That's not true," Ryan exclaimed, stung.

"Yes it is, we had one stupid little fight Ryan and you left me. You hurt me so much, why?"

"I... I was," Ryan stopped and sighed, pain surging through him to clutch at his throat, making it difficult to speak. "I wasn't good enough for you Lin', I had no job, no future, nothing to offer you except my heart."

Linde's face crumpled and he dropped forward over his knees. "That was all I wanted Ryan, I loved you, that was all I wanted."

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Linde snorted and straightened up. "So sorry you did it to me all over again?"

"Lin' that really isn't fair," Ryan whispered. "What was I supposed to think?"

"That I'm gay so if I was going to be a father there must have been a damn good explanation."

"I can see that now," Ryan sighed. "But I'd spent four years living with regret, I was terrified of living with a broken heart. You don't know how much I..." He stopped on a gasp.

"I don't know?" Linde exclaimed. "I did live with a broken heart, have been for eight years. You walked out on me, twice and I still." He stopped, lips pressing together tightly as Ryan's heart stuttered painfully.

"You still love me?" he whispered.

"Don't." Linde swallowed audibly, shaking his head.

"I still love you."

"Don't!"

"I never stopped Linde and I never stopped regretting letting my fear overwhelm how I felt... feel about you."

"Please Ryan don't do this to me."

"I'm just trying to be honest."

"Why?"

"Because I want another chance." The breath left his body in a rush. He'd said it and now came the seconds of utter terror, waiting for Linde to reply.

"How do I know you won't just run away again?" Linde whispered, sounding choked.

"Because I love you too much to be afraid anymore, because I don't want to be without you for a second let alone eight years." Ryan stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to find the words. "If I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you I will, just please Lin', let me try."

"It's not that simple Ryan, I have other considerations now, I have a child and she's the most important thing in my life."

"I know, she's already stolen my heart."

"Ryan." Linde almost laughed, blue eyes swimming with tears as he shook his head.

"She's beautiful, just like her father."

Standing up, Linde moved over to him and crouched down in front of him. "Ryan, I need..."

"I'll do anything."

"So shut up and let me speak."

"Right, sorry."

Linde smiled and it took his breath away. "I need time."

"Anything," Ryan repeated softly.

"Thank you." Suddenly, Linde leaned forward and soft lips brushed over his. Before he could even register what was happening, the door flew open and Linde yanked himself back.

"Isi, Isi, come quick."

"What is it baby?"

"It's Eno Ville."

"Oh God, what's happened?" Ryan gasped.

"Come see." She grabbed both their hands and dragged them to the sitting room.

Ville was sitting on a chair looking rueful, a pair of scissors in one hand and a great hank of hair in the other. What was left was uneven and spiking up in places.

"Oh man I'm going to be in so much trouble," Ryan sighed.

"You are?" Ville looked at the hair in his hand then up at him. "He's going to kill me."

"He's going to jump you and you know it," Linde said with a snort.

"Yeah, after he kills me."

"Well why'd you cut it off then idiot?" Ryan sighed.

"It was annoying me."

"Manna might be able to rescue it," Linde said, looking thoughtful. "Livy, go find Äiti for me."

"Okay Isi." She ran from the room and Ryan and Linde went to sit with Ville.

"You're gonna have to shave Ville," Ryan said tapping Ville's chin gently.

"You think?"

"Yeah, you look a bit uh..."

"Maniacal," Linde finished for him.

"Oh thank you very much."

"Ville, you know what we mean," Linde said softly.

Ryan gasped quietly, his unexpected inclusion in the sentiment freezing his brain with shock even as warmth spread through his chest. His mouth was still tingling from the abbreviated kiss Linde had given him and all of a sudden, Ryan was reeling with emotion.

Standing abruptly, he started to pace.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Ville said, frowning up at him in concern.

"Yeah, yes I uh, just can't sit still right now, I..."

"Are you, did you two talk?"

Linde shifted, his cheeks reddening and Ryan stopped pacing. "Yes."

"You didn't argue again, did you?"

"No, not really, we just sorted a few things out," Linde said quietly. "Right Ryan?"

Ryan frowned. "Did we?"

"Ryan don't push now."

"Sorry Lin', it's just, we did get interrupted."

Linde flushed even darker and looked down. "Yes I suppose we did."

"Maybe we could..."

"Ryan what did I say?"

"You need time," Ryan sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Linde smiled at him and Ryan's heart started to pound again.

"Don't take too much time Lintti," Ville said softly.

"Ville don't," Ryan sighed.

"It's okay Ryan," Linde said, looking up and smiling as the door opened and Olivia dragged her mother into the room.

"See."

"Oh Ville," Manna sighed.

"Do you think you can do anything with it?"

"I can tidy it up but it's going to be very short. What's Bam going to think?"

"He likes me not having it in my face."

"Yeah but you've never had it that short before."

"He loves me not my haircut," Ville said with a huffy sniff.

"Ooh excuse me," Manna snorted. "Come on then Ville, I've got some black hair dye that might help."

"It'll grow back," Ville sighed, getting up and following her from the room.

"Isi, Ryan, play?" Olivia said with her very best smile.

"Is that okay with you Ryan?" Linde asked quietly.

"Very," Ryan said with a vigorous nod. Linde smiled and Ryan sighed happily. Maybe he hadn't actually said it but the blond guitarist was already giving him another chance.

@>*~

BAM

His mother had finally let him go and Bam had spent the entire flight back to LA wired and excited. He suspected the stewards on the flight were extremely glad to see the back of him.

Thankfully, he only had carry-on and he half jogged, half ran through the airport, jumping into the first cab that he came across. "Paramore," he said breathlessly.

"Sure." The driver pulled out into heavy traffic and Bam sighed.

"Fucking rush hour."

"You in a hurry man?"

"Damn straight," Bam sighed. "Feel like I've been away from my baby forever."

"Well, how generous are you feeling my man?"

Bam raised an eyebrow. "I'll pay you triple whatever's on the meter if you get me there fast."

"Deal." The cabbie screeched round traffic and down a side road. Swallowing nervously, Bam quickly put on his seatbelt and grabbed the armrest.

@>*~

In record breaking time, they pulled up outside the mansion. Bam pried his fingers from the edge of the seat and breathed out a sigh of relief. He'd never thought to see the day he'd meet a worse driver than Ryan.

Digging out a hundred dollar bill that was way more than triple the fare, he grabbed his bag and scrambled out of the taxi, running up the steps in his eagerness to see his lover.

He burst into the sitting room and hugged Migé.

"You're back!" "Yep, where's Ville?"

"Yes I'm fine, thank you, how are you?" Migé said with a snort.

Bam laughed and kissed the bigger man soundly. "Shut up dick, where's Ville?"

"Upstairs balcony."

"Smoking?" Bam sighed.

"Yeah." Migé grinned suddenly. "You should go see him."

"What?" Bam frowned suspiciously at his friend. "Why?"

"Just go, he's missed you and we're sick of him being miserable."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

"I just did."

Running for the door, Bam flipped off the bassist as he left the room, grinning at the sound of laughter behind him. He leapt up the steps and ran into Frantz who lifted his camera.

"Hey dude, good to see you."

"You too man."

"Going to see Ville?"

"You know it."

"Cool, I'll film." Frantz grinned and Bam frowned again.

"Okay now. I know something's going on, spill!"

"Just go."

Feeling nervous, anxious and even worried, Bam hurried the rest of the way to the balcony. Ville was leaning against the wall, hair chopped short and dyed black, his face clean shaven.

"Oh my God what did you do?!" Bam couldn't help squeaking.

"What?" Ville said, looking startled. "What have I done now?"

"You cut your hair." Bam stumbled forward, reaching out to touch.

"Just call me the dark idol," Ville chuckled, holding out his hands to catch him as Bam leapt at him, clutching the short locks and kissing him desperately. Ville pulled him close, hands dropping to his ass and squeezing. Gasping into his mouth, Bam wrapped his arms round his neck and held on.

"Told you he'd jump him," Linde commented.

"Yeah, Bam would never kill him for that," Ryan agreed.

"Who gets the spanking this time though?" Migé added, laughing loudly.

Bam groaned at the thought, cock hardening helplessly as he remembered the first spanking he'd received at his lover's hand after he'd lopped his hair off.

"Mmm yeah, you've been a bad boy lover," he whispered. "Maybe I should spank you."

Ville shivered against him and lifted him up into his arms, hands on his ass to haul him against his wonderfully solid erection.

"Would you two please get out of here, we don't want to watch."

Bam snorted, lifting his head to pout at Migé before grimacing apologetically at Ryan who looked a little shell- shocked. He hadn't forgotten what Ryan and Linde had been doing the first time he'd got spanked and apparently neither had Ryan.

"Come on baby, let's go," he whispered.

Nodding, Ville carried him back inside and through to the room he was suposed to be using, kicking the door shut behind them. Wrapping his arms round Ville's neck, Bam kissed him hard before wriggling out of his arms and shoving him back. Ville gasped, stumbling back against the bed.

"Darling?"

"So, who told you that you could cut your hair?" Bam murmured in his best menacing tone, blinking slowly at his lover.

Ville looked at him and shrugged. "It's my hair."

"Oh is that what you think?"

Eyes flashing defiantly, Ville stuck out his jaw. "Yeah I do."

Bam frowned and moved closer, pushing Ville again so he fell back onto the bed. He grabbed short hair and yanked Ville's head back.

"See, I think you're forgetting something," he said softly as he tugged his pants open with his free hand.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." Bam pulled his cock out and fisted the base, pointing the leaking tip at his husband's mouth. "You're forgetting that I own you baby and that makes your hair mine."

Ville licked his lips, eyes fixed on his dick. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm not gonna do anything lover, you're gonna suck me off."

"You think so?"

"Oh you will baby," Bam murmured, starting to stroke the length of his erection. "Or..."

"Or what?"

Leaning closer, still holding on tightly to his lover's hair, Bam traced the tip of his cock over his husband's beautiful lips, moaning quietly. Ville's mouth always felt so good.

"Or do I really have to spank you?"

"You could try," Ville said with a quiet snort, his mouth moving over Bam's dick. He shuddered helplessly with desire but steeled himself when Ville smirked at him.

"Oh baby, that sounded like a challenge to me," he said softly. Ville's grin widened and darkened and Bam laughed, yanking on his lover's short hair to make him move back on the bed. Ville was stronger that he was and they both knew it, Bam was counting on his husband taking advantage of that fact.

As he climbed onto the bed over his lover, Ville suddenly grabbed him, trying to flip him over. Grinning, cock jerking with want, Bam strugggled and laughed, letting the older man push him down onto his back, managing to twist so he ended up facing the opposite direction to his husband.

"Got you... ooh Bam," Ville gasped as he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and shoved them down, lifting his head to lick eagerly at the drops of precome leaking from the slit. "Darling yes," Ville moaned, leaning down and licking over his dick.

Bam chuckled. "Told you, you'd suck me off."

"You manipulative little..."

Bam smacked his lover's ass and Ville yelped, hips jerking, cock dripping more precome onto his mouth.

"Ooh you like that baby."

"No!"

Bam smacked him again and Ville gasped, jerking again.

"Suck me off baby."

"No."

"Do it," Bam snapped, stroking his lover's ass gently before suddenly slapping him again, even harder.

"Oh fuck," Ville gasped. "Darling please."

"Suck my cock baby."

"Darling..."

"Baby." Bam arched his back, pushing his hips up, his need overwhelming now, Ville's reaction to his spanking more of a turn on than he could have realised. "Don't make me spank you more."

Ville looked down at him and shrugged. "Do your worst."

"You jerk," Bam gasped, pulling himself out from under the older man, turning quickly to push him face down on the bed. He raised his hand and brought it down sharply on his lover's beautiful firm ass.

"Oh fuck," Ville cried out, bucking against him.

"You do like it," Bam murmured wonderingly, smoothing his palm over pink skin, soothing the sting in his hand as well as his lover's cheek. It was absolutely beautiful, the imprint of his hand visible on Ville's pale skin.

"No I..."

"Yeah I do." He pinched Ville's ass hard, his own cock straining and aching with desire as his husband groaned, a hand moving down between his legs to jerk himself off. He batted Ville's hand out of the way. "Oh no baby, no touching."

Ville sobbed suddenly. "Darling... can't."

"Who do you belong to baby?"

"You Bam."

"I own you."

"Yes my love," Ville groaned, strain evident in his voice.

"And you're going to suck me off aren't you?"

"Yes my love."

Bam sat back, watching breathlessly as his lover pushed himself up and turned round, kneeling in front of him, fully dressed except for his exposed ass and groin. He was more sexy and more beautiful with every day and Bam groaned quietly, reaching out for short hair, tugging his lover closer, desperate now for release.

"Come on baby," he whispered. "If you're good, I'll spank you till you come."

Ville groaned again, leaning down to lap over the head of his cock, warm tongue sliding over his skin slowly until full lips wrapped round him and sucked him down.

"Ah fuck yes baby," Bam moaned, stroking the back of his lover's neck, rocking his hips urgently, pushing his cock deep into Ville's throat. He was warm and wet, sucking tightly all round the length of his erection, sliding up and down, faster and faster.

"Love you," he cried out, pleasure overwhelming him. He leaned forward over his lover, slapping his ass hard. Ville groaned, swallowing him down as he jerked forward. Bam came with a gasp, shooting down his lover's throat as Ville swallowed again and again.

Easing back slightly, Ville stayed prostrate in front of him, ass in the air.

"God, you look fucking sexy like that baby," Bam whispered, shifting on the bed to kneel beside his husband. Ville whimpered and he frowned in concern. "You okay?"

"Please sweetheart, I need to come."

"You want me to spank you some more?"

"Yes," Ville whispered.

"Are you sure?"

"Please." Ville whimpered again and looked up at him, green eyes wide and desperate, tear tracks staining his cheeks.

"Oh God baby," he whispered, leaning down to cup Ville's cheek, kissing him softly. "Baby you look so beautiful, I'm sorry I made you cry." He drew Ville upright and kissed him again. Moving closer, he dropped his hand into his lover's lap, stroking his cock tightly. Their lips moved together, tongues sliding out to touch and twine, love and passion filling him till he felt like he might explode.

"I love you baby, come for me," he murmured against soft lips. Ville groaned, bucking up and flooding his hand with hot come. They kissed again before Bam eased back. He licked his hand clean and reached for some tissue to finish cleaning up Ville. He did up his pants for him and gently wiped the tears from his face.

"I missed you, you know."

"I know my darling, I missed you too." Ville smiled and cupped his cheek. "I'm sorry I cut my hair."

"Baby I love you not your haircut, I think you look beautiful."

"Thank you sweetheart, the others thought it was too short."

"Well, what do you think?"

Ville flushed. "I think it's too short but I made such a mess of it, it was all Manna could do to tidy it up."

"You know how quick your hair grows, why worry about it?"

"Seppo went mad."

"Why? How'd he even know?"

"Migé took a picture and sent it to him, before Manna tidied it."

"Typical Migé," Bam sighed. He lay down on the bed and held out his arms. "Come here baby, I bet you haven't got any sleep since I left."

"Pretty much, no," Ville sighed, lying down with him and snuggling close.

"Let's get some sleep now then honey."

"But recording..."

"Can wait, sleep."

"Yes love." Ville kissed his cheek and settled in the crook of his neck.

@>*~

RYAN

Shifting uncomfortably, Ryan couldn't quite bring himself to look at Linde. It was so typical of Migé to bring up a subject like Bam's spanking, forgetting that he and Linde had been in bed together at the time. He'd never forgotten it; it had been the first time they'd talked about having sex and that he'd asked Linde to be his first. Little had he known that eight years later the blond guitarist would still be his only.

"I uh, come on, maybe we should go back downstairs," Linde said quietly. "Before um... well you know."

"Yeah good idea," Migé said with a mild snort. "We don't need to hear it. Knowing it's going on is quite enough."

Ryan followed the others down to the sitting room a little reluctantly. He wanted to run away, didn't want to think about how he felt awkward, nostalgic, regretful and turned on all at once.

"Do you think they'll really... you know?" Migé said softly.

"What?"

"Do you think Bam will..." Migé gestured with his hand. "I mean Ville's past is well." He trailed off awkwardly.

"It's been ten years," Ryan said quietly. "And they've been together eight, Ville trusts Bam completely, knows he'd never hurt him." He stopped and swallowed, looking over at Linde, wishing the blond knew he could trust him, that he would happily die rather than ever hurt him again.

Linde met his gaze, blue eyes dark and thoughtful as he stared back. Then, suddenly, he smiled and Ryan could release the breath he hadn't even realised he was holding, his heart pounding as he tried to comprehend the sweet expression still being directed at him.

"You're right, they'll be fine," Migé said with a firm nod. "Bam would never take it too far."

"No, they're well past the whole Janne thing but Bam's still very careful when it comes to Ville."

Linde was still smiling at him and Ryan felt himself start to flush.

"What?" he whispered.

"I don't know." Linde shrugged and looked down at his folded hands, still smiling. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Forgiving you."

The breath left his body in a rush and Ryan stared at the blond, who looked up at him again, lips still curved up gently. He barely noticed Migé quietly get up and leave the room.

"Really?" he gasped, managing not to squeak.

"Yeah. I think I forgot for a while that you're a good, sweet man. Occasionally hotheaded and stupid."

Ryan flushed darker but almost laughed, nodding at the description.

"But you are sweet." Linde moved over to sit next to him, cupping his cheek gently. "I missed that," he whispered, leaning in, soft lips brushing gently over his.

Ryan gasped, lifting a hand and sliding his fingers up Linde's cheek, drawing him closer and kissing the older man firmly. Making a tiny noise low in his throat, Linde parted his lips, tongue flicking out for just a second, sending an electric shock through his whole body right down to his toes. Ryan groaned helplessly.

Linde's hand slid round to the back of his neck and suddenly, they were kissing hard and passionately, lips crushing together, tongues twining. The taste of the older man filled him with need and such painful longing that he almost wanted to cry. He sucked gently on Linde's bottom lip and pulled back.

"Sorry," he whispered, heaving in a breath and letting go of Linde's cheek. Clearing his throat, Linde shifted back a little and nodded.

"Yeah me too, I didn't mean..."

"Don't say you didn't mean it," Ryan pleaded desperately.

"I wasn't, I just didn't mean to let it go that far. I do forgive you Ryan but I can't give you more than that, not yet."

Swallowing back disappointment, Ryan nodded. "I understand Lin' but would you maybe consider going out for dinner with me tonight?" He held his breath, heart pounding as he waited for an answer.

"I... don't know Ryan."

"Please." Ryan touched Linde's cheek gently. "Lin' please, just dinner, just to talk that's all."

"Well," Linde took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

"Yeah?" Ryan gasped, breath hitching with pleased yet terrified surprise.

"Yes." Linde smiled again, the very corners of his mouth curling up as he looked away.

"Okay cool." Wiping sweaty palms on his jeans, Ryan stood, he could barely breathe and he needed to escape for a moment."I'll meet you at seven?"

"By the door?"

"Yeah."

"Seven. Are you booking somewhere?"

"Um, yeah I guess I should huh?"

"Might help," Linde said with a chuckle.

"Okay, dress nice then."

"Nowhere expensive Ryan," Linde said in a warning tone.

"If you want a decent vegetarian selection we might not have a choice Lin'."

"Try."

"Okay. I'll uh, I'll see you later."

"Yes."

Hurrying out of the room, Ryan headed up the stairs to Bam's room, listening at the door carefully to see if it was quiet before he knocked.

"Jus' sec."

He waited for a moment and eventually, the door opened. Bam was dressed but looked half-asleep and he pulled the door closed behind him, joining him in the hallway.

"You okay?"

"Ville's asleep."

"Oh, that's good."

"Yeah but I can't leave him for long man. What's up?"

"Linde's forgiven me."

"Dude that's great." Bam gave him a hug and Ryan sighed. "Isn't it?" Bam asked, pulling back to direct a look of confusion at him.

"Yes but..."

"But what Ryan? That's progress isn't it?"

"Bam."

"Sorry."

"We're going out for dinner to talk."

"I'm sorry man, not really getting the problem here."

Ryan sighed. "Apart from being scared shitless, you mean? We already kissed, I'm worried about losing control."

"You two were always full on," Bam agreed with a solemn nod. "Don't drink any booze, that'll help. Don't sit next to him, try not to touch him, try not to smell him."

Ryan blinked. "Smell him?"

"Dude, come on, you're telling me the he smells doesn't drive you crazy?"

"Uh yeah, I guess you're right," Ryan said, flushing lightly.

"Hey, I'm the same, even when Ville smells of smoke as well I can't resist him."

"Yeah I bet." Ryan couldn't help a grin.

"Bam? Where are you?"

"Shit, I'd better go... be right there baby," he called out. He gave Ryan a hug. "You'll be fine, I'll see you before you go anyway, okay?"

"Yeah okay, thanks man."

"Anytime dude... well, almost." Bam winked and Ryan couldn't help a grin.

"Yeah right, later Bambam."

"Later." Bam went back into the room, closing the door behind him.

Ryan leaned against the door for a moment, listening to Bam get back into bed and the soft murmurings of him soothing Ville back to sleep. It had always made him feel better somehow, just knowing how good Bam and Ville were together, how much they still loved each other. Sometimes, he couldn't help wondering if he and Linde would still have been together if he'd been brave enough to stay.

Rather pessimistically, he was fairly certain that he'd have done something to fuck it up. But things were different now, after eight years without Linde, he'd learnt from his mistakes, he wasn't going to fuck up this time, he couldn't afford to.

@>*~

Ryan stared at his reflection in the mirror, wondering if he was overdoing it. Smart slacks and a buttondown shirt were fairly normal for going out to dinner but he didn't want Linde to feel like it was a date if he didn't want to. Not to mention the last time he'd dressed up, Linde had jumped him. He shivered at the memory, watching the blond pound into his body in a mirror, hanging on for dear life as his legs had almost given way under the pleasure.

They had always been a passionate couple, extremely physical even without the sex. Bam was right, he had to avoid contact as much as possible, one kiss had already nearly got out of control and he'd promised Linde they'd just talk.

There was knock at the door and he looked round.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure Bam." He looked back at the mirror as the door opened, sighing when a shrill wolf whistle pierced the air. "Don't do that."

"What? You look hot."

He glanced at Bam and shrugged. "Thanks I guess."

"Ryan come on, you want to remind him of the other reason he loved you."

"Oh?"

"Mmm hmm, really hot sex."

"Oh come on Bammie."

"I mean it, it's not the be all and end all I know, Ville and I wouldn't have survived eight years if it was but it's important and you two were really hot together."

Ryan flushed and cleared his throat. "Yeah I guess."

"You guess." Bam snorted and wrapped an arm roud his shoulders. "Come on dude, Linde's downstairs looking equally hot."

"Oh shit really?"

"Yeah," Bam said with a chuckle. "So control yourself."

"I'll try."

They headed downstairs and as soon as Ryan spotted Linde, he had to stop, grabbing Bam's arm in desperation. The blond guitarist looked absolutely beautiful, his hair was tied back off his face and he was wearing a white, v-neck t-shirt, a black blazer and black cargo pants.

"Oh shit Bam," Ryan whispered.

"Keep it together man, you'll be fine."

Ryan breathed in deeply and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I can do this."

"Go on."

As he half-stumbled down the stairs, Linde turned to look at him. Blue eyes widened and Linde's jaw dropped.

"Paska," Linde breathed.

Ryan flushed lightly. "Um, hey."

"Hei," Linde said, clearing his throat nervously.

"You look really uh, really good."

Linde went red. "Thanks, you too."

Ryan frowned, realising suddenly that Linde had some sparkly ribbons tied into his dreads.

"What?"

"Ribbons?"

"Oh." Linde sighed and rolled his eyes. "Olivia decided I needed pretties for going out."

"Well, they are pretty."

Linde glared at him and gestured towards the door. "Shall we go?"

"Yeah, sorry." He looked back at Bam who winked at him.

"Later guys."

"Bye Bam. You staying at the hotel tonight?"

"Definitely, Ville's a bit wheezy so I want to make sure he gets away from the mansion for a while. I'll see you tomorrow though okay?"

Ryan sighed, he'd known realistically that he couldn't expect Bam to be around after dinner but it still made him feel even more nervous.

"Kiss Ville for me," Linde said quietly, half-hugging Bam.

"Of course, have fun guys."

"Fun?" Linde said softly, frowning quizzically as he walked out of the door.

"We might," Ryan said, following the older man, starting to feel despondant already.

"I'm sorry," Linde sighed, looking back and putting a hand on his arm. "I just meant, you know, this isn't a date, we're just going to talk."

"Yeah, right," Ryan breathed, trying not to squeak as he felt the heat of Linde's touch spread through his whole body and tighten his groin. He stared at long fingers wrapped round his wrist and swallowed hard. Linde looked down and his breath hitched. He snatched his hand back and coughed.

"Um so, are we getting a taxi?"

"No, it's not far, I thought we could walk."

"Okay." Linde hooked his thumbs into his pockets and started down the driveway. Ryan half-jogged to catch up, shoving his hands in his pockets so he wasn't tempted to touch. Bam was right, the scent of the older man, that unique musk and the same cologne that he'd used all those years ago was a combination he'd never forgotten and it was already driving a desperate need to touch.

He'd booked a table at a Thai restaurant that had been recommended to him before, knowing that it had good vegetarian options. The fact that it was so close was a bonus. If the evening was a disaster, they could get back to the mansion quickly and easily.

They found the restaurant easily and Ryan opened the door for Linde, standing back to let him go in first. The blond smiled and took his arm, pulling him into the restaurant with him. A pretty, young Thai girl smiled at them.

"Welcome to Narai Thai, do you have a reservation?"

"Yes, the name's Dunn."

She glanced at a book and nodded, still smiling at them. "Table for two." She picked up a couple of menus. "If you'll follow me."

They followed her to a small table in a quiet part of the restaurant and Ryan swallowed nervously. It was practically hidden behind decorative plants and was not going to help his attempts at controlling himself. Linde sat down and Ryan took the seat opposite.

"Would either of you like to order a drink?" the waitress asked, placing the menus in front of them.

"I'll just have a coke please," Ryan said quietly. Linde looked at him in surprise.

"You're not drinking?"

"Uh not tonight, no."

"You can't still be hungover Ryan."

The blond actually looked concerned and Ryan smiled happily. "I'm not, I just don't feel like it."

"Maybe you're right." Linde looked up at the waitress and smiled. "I'll have a coke too please."

"Certainly. I'll be back in a moment."

"Are you having an appetiser?"

"Are we really going to talk?" Linde said at almost the same time.

"I want to," Ryan said softly. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You, me, us..."

"There is no us anymore Ryan," Linde sighed. "There hasn't been an us for eight years."

"Four."

"What?"

"There was an us four years ago, if only for a moment."

"Oh Ryan." Linde sighed again and shook his head. "It was a moment yes, but not an us."

Hurt filled him and Ryan leaned forward angrily. "Bullshit Lin'," he hissed. "That's bullshit and you know it."

Linde sat back, looking startled and a little upset. "Fine, okay maybe there was and look what happened."

"Yeah, another four years of misery and loneliness," Ryan snorted. "And I know it was my fault Lin', I'm trying to make up for that." He sat back again as the waitress brought over their drinks.

"Would you like to order now or do you need longer?"

"Longer please," Linde said, smiling tightly at her. She nodded and left them alone again.

"I begged you not to go," Linde whispered. "To stay and listen."

"I know," Ryan sighed. "And I wish I had. You'll never know how much I regret just reacting."

"Why did you? I've never understood."

"It's complicated. Let's order yeah?"

Linde's lips pressed together tightly but he nodded. "Fine." He looked round for the waitress and she smiled, heading over again.

"Are you having an appetiser?"

Linde nodded. "I'll have spring rolls and the broccoli lover with tofu please."

"Certainly, and you Sir?"

"Crispy wontons and uh, Pra-ram with beef thanks."

"Okay, thank you, your appetisers will be along shortly."

"Thanks." Ryan didn't look up, he could feel Linde's eyes on him again and he knew hard questions were coming.

"Why was it complicated?"

"I was scared, angry Lin', I felt betrayed because even in that short space of time I thought maybe we..."

"So did I," Linde whispered. "I tried to stop you."

"I wanted to stop, I wanted to stay."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because I..." He stopped and closed his eyes, remembered pain tightening his throat. When he managed to open them again, the waitress was back with their appetisers. He managed a smile of thanks and picked up a fork. He took a bite of wonton so he didn't have to speak and Linde sighed, starting to eat as well.

They sat in silence throughout the dish but Ryan knew he wasn't off the hook and as soon as the plates had been cleared, he could feel the weight of a questioning gaze on him again.

"Well?"

Ryan sighed. "You were going to be a father."

"So we couldn't be together?" Linde asked, looking confused.

"I thought you cheated on Manna with me okay? My father," Ryan stopped to take a breath, forcing back painful tears. "My father left me and my Mom. I couldn't, I didn't want..."

"You think a lot of yourself, don't you?" Linde interrupted.

"What?"

"What made you think I'd have abandoned my child for you?"

"I don't... I didn't but you had a whole life, a family, I didn't feel like I had any place in it."

"So you wouldn't even give me a chance, again."

They were interrupted again by their next course and Ryan sighed softly.

"When Dad left, my Mom withdrew, he broke her heart. If it hadn't been for Bam and his family, I'd have been completely alone."

Linde's eyes shone and he looked upset. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Nobody does, except Bam. After he left I never spoke about it, refused to think about it, wouldn't cry over it."

"Ryan." Linde reached over the table and took his hand. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because it hurt too much," he sighed, sliding his fingers between Linde's and squeezing gently. The soothing touch felt so good but he tried not to let it distract him.

Linde shook his head. "You didn't trust me."

"That's not true. I never even spoke to Bam about it after the first time."

"How old were you?"

"Thirteen."

"Oh Ryan." Linde let go of his hand and moved to the chair next to him to cup his cheek. "You should have told me. Ryan we could have talked about it, you would have known..." His breath hitched and Ryan shifted closer in concern.

"Lin'?"

"You'd have known how much I loved you, that I'd never have left you." Tears trickled down Linde's cheeks and Ryan swallowed back tears of his own.

"Don't cry baby, I'm not worth it, I never was."

"You are so stupid sometimes," Linde sobbed softly. "Of course you are, you're everything to me. You never understood that."

"I... I never thought I was good enough for you," Ryan whispered. "You're everything to me too Lin', I thouht I was doing what was best for you."

"That wasn't your decision to make Ryan."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"How do I know you won't do that to me again? How can I give you another chance if I'm wondering when you'll break my heart again?"

"I can't promise I'd never hurt you Lin' but I've lived without you long enough, I can't do it anymore. I love you."

Linde's breath hitched again, fingers stroking over his beard. "Ryan," he whispered, leaning in and kissing him gently.

Gasping quietly, Ryan moved closer, capturing Linde's lips with his own, sliding his tongue over the crease before he could stop himself. Warmth filled his whole body, chest and groin aching with barely controlled lust. With a groan, Linde opened to him, tongue swiping out over his. He wanted to climb into the older man's lap, wrap arms and legs round him, kiss him hard and rock his rapidly hardening cock into his groin. The intensity was overwhelming and he pulled back, panting for breath.

"Fuck Lily," he whispered.

Linde inhaled sharply, eyes widening as his grip tightened painfully in Ryan's beard. "Don't."

"I'm sorry."

"You mustn't call me that in public Ryan, it's not fair."

"I didn't mean to Lin', you kissed me..." He paused and blinked as something occurred to him. "Does that mean I can call you that in private?"

Linde almost laughed. "No Ryan. At least, not yet."

"So, are you giving me another chance?" Ryan whispered, barely able to breathe, hope sweeping through him.

"Looks like it yeah."

"But?" Ryan asked nervously.

"I need to do this slowly, we need to get to know each other again and I need to know that you will love Olivia."

"I do Lin'."

"You've only known her a few days Ryan, spending time with someone else's child is different to having a child."

"I'll do whatever it takes Lin'."

"Thank you." Linde kissed him again, far too briefly and moved back to the chair opposite him. He smiled softly and started to eat again.

Smiling back, Ryan finished his meal and waited for the waitress to clear the table.

"Would you like to see the dessert menu?"

"I could go for some dessert," Ryan said with a nod. "Lin'?"

"No, I'm fine thanks."

Nodding, she passed Ryan and smaller menu and cleared their plates away.

"Ooh ice cream."

Linde chuckled and shook his head.

"What?"

"You reminded me of Olivia just then."

"Are you saying I sound like a four year old girl?"

"I could be."

"See if I share my ice cream with you now," Ryan whined with a very deliberate pout. Linde laughed louder and batted his eyelashes.

"Aw please."

"Well, okay." Ryan grinned up at the approaching waitress. "Coconut ice cream and two spoons please."

Nodding, she headed off, quickly returning with a bowlful of ice cream and the requested two spoons. She grinned, eyes sliding away shyly as he winked at her.

"Enjoy gentlemen."

"Thanks." Ryan picked up a spoon and held it out to the blond. Linde smiled and took it. "Help yourself."

"Help yourself."

"Thank you."

They ate in silence again but this time their eyes were locked together and they shared soft smiles. Once dessert was finished and they'd both made a quick trip to the restroom, Ryan asked for the bill. Linde started to get his wallet out but Ryan shook his head.

"No Lin', I asked you to dinner, I'm paying."

"But..."

"No arguments Linde," he said firmly.

Linde sighed. "Okay, okay."

"Good." He paid for the meal and they left the restaurant to head back to the mansion. They walked slowly, side by side, close enough for their arms to brush together.

"I wasn't sure you'd ever even speak to me again," Ryan said softly.

"And you came anyway?"

"I had to try, I couldn't live with being a stubborn, scared idiot..."

"Ryan."

"Lonely, heartbroken idiot anymore."

"Lonely?"

"Desperately," Ryan sighed. "I'm not trying for a sympathy vote Lin', I'm just telling you the truth."

"Don't you still live in the mansion with the crew?"

"Yeah but none of them ever knew about you, they thought I was a full-on bachelor, parties, drinking, women."

Linde bit his lip and glanced side-long at him. "Many women?"

"No. It was all a front," Ryan said softly. "What about you? Any boyfriends?"

"Not boyfriends, no," Linde said with a small shrug. "Occasional tension relief."

"Yeah."

"Any men?" Linde whispered.

Ryan stopped and pulled Linde round to face him. "No. Only you. I never wanted anyone else since I met you."

Linde's eyes welled again and he wrapped him up in a hug, pulling back before Ryan could really even register it and enjoy it.

"Me too," Linde breathed before he turned away and wiped at his eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ryan spotted a pretty daisy growing by the side of the road and on impulse, he picked it, holding it out to the blond when he turned back to him. Flushing, Linde took it, smiling a little shyly at him.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They started to walk again and Linde slipped his hand into his, twining their fingers together. His chest tightened with warmth and happiness and he squeezed gently.

"Do you want to go for a coffee before we go back?"

"I would but... I want to get back for Olivia's bedtime."

"Of course, sorry." Ryan grimaced. What a start, forgetting Linde's daughter already.

"That's okay. Why don't you help me put her to bed so you can see what it's like."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"I'd like that."

Linde smiled widely at him, stroking a thumb over his knuckles. "Thank you."

Shivering lightly, Ryan smiled back. Taking it slow was going to be torture when just holding hands made him want to jump the older man but, as he'd told Linde, he'd do anything it took.

They walked up the driveway to the Paramore and climbed the steps where he pulled Linde to a stop.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"What for?"

"Giving me a chance."

Linde looked solemn for a moment. "Just don't let me down Ryan, please. My heart is on the line here."

"I'd rather die than break your heart again Lin'," Ryan said quietly, meeting Linde's blue gaze earnestly.

"Don't say that."

"But it's true."

Linde cupped his face between his hands. "Don't ever say that again Ryan, please."

"Okay I won't, but it's still true."

Linde pulled him up and kissed him, mouth crushing his, tongue pressing for entry that he gave eagerly, kissing back hard, arms sliding round the taller man to pull him closer. They fell back against the door frame, lips moving together, tongues licking and twining more and more desperately.

Need, love and lust filled his whole body, his groin ached, cock hardening helplessly at the feel of Linde's hot, hard body pressing against his. One hand clasped his beard and the other slid round his back, holsing him tightly. He dropped his hands to the blond's hips, rocking up into his groin, groaning into his mouth when he felt the solid length of Linde's erection sliding over his.

"Oh fuck Ryan," Linde gasped. "Make me stop, please."

Reluctance and heartache brought tears to his eyes but from somewhere, he found the strength to push Linde back. He held him at arm's length as he panted, staring into darkened, glazed eyes.

Linde's chest heaved, his lips parted as he gasped for breath.

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered.

"So am I, that wasn't fair of me."

"It's okay," he sighed. "I'll always stop when you ask me to."

"What if, what if I don't- can't ask?"

"Then I'll try and stop but I can't make you any promises Linde, you must know how much I want you."

"Yes, I know," Linde said, staring at him intensely, the heat in his gaze making Ryan shiver.

"Maybe we should go inside," he said hurriedly. "Olivia's probably waiting."

"Thank you," Linde whispered, leaning in to kiss his cheek quickly before opening the door and escaping inside. Ryan followed with a sigh, smiling as Olivia ran into the hallway with a squeal of excitement.

"Isi, Isi."

"Hei, heila," Linde laughed, catching her as she jumped at him and swinging her round.

"Hello boys, how was dinner?" Manna said from where she was leaning against the sitting room doorframe with her arms crossed, a soft smile on her face.

"Good yeah," Ryan said quietly. Linde nodded, holding his daughter close and stroking her hair.

"Good." Her smile widened. "Are you putting her to bed tonight Linde?"

"If that's okay with you."

"Of course."

"Go say goodnight to Äiti, sweetheart." Linde put Olivia down and she ran over to hug and kiss her mother.

"Hyvää yötä Äiti."

"Yötä Livy." Manna kissed her and stroked her hair.

Linde picked his daughter up again and glanced at him. "Come on Ryan."

"Is Eno Ryan coming too?"

Ryan's heart stuttered. "Eno?"

"Eno?" Linde breathed.

"Well, isn't he?" she said, blinking up at her father.

"I guess."

"Really?" Ryan whispered, staring at the blond.

"Yes Eno Ryan." Linde smiled and held out his hand. Ryan took it, letting him lead him to the stairs. "See you later Manna."

Up in Linde's room, Ryan watched the blond help his daughter change into her night clothes.

"Do you want to wait here while we go to the bathroom?"

"Okay." With a quiet sigh, Ryan sat on Linde's bed, sliding his hand between pilow and covers to touch the sheet. Somehow it made him feel closer to the older man, it was where he slept and, once upon a time, he'd shared that space, had slept with long limbs wrapped round him, dreads surrounding him and soft breath ghosting over his skin. He missed it so much sometimes that he had trouble breathing and he had to stand up, wrapping his arms round his chest and walking over to the window. It was just starting to get dark and he stared out over the grounds. Taking it slow was going to be pure torture. It wasn't just about the sex either, it was the physical contact. He wanted to be close to the older man all the time even if it was just sitting next to him or holding his hand.

"Ryan."

He twisted and forced a smile.

"You okay?"

"Sure. Hey Olivia, ready for bed?" He smiled more genuinely as she nodded, scampering over to hug his leg.

"Bedtime story Eno Ryan?"

"Is that okay Lin'?"

"Of course."

Olivia let go of his leg and clambered into her bed, letting Linde tuck her in carefully and kiss her forehead.

"Sit on the bed with me."

"Okay." He sat down and she rested her head on his thigh as Linde handed him a colourful looking book of fairy tales.

Ryan started to read aloud. The stories were proper, old-fashioned fairy tales that he wondered might be a bit scary for a young girl but he was thoroughly enjoying.

"Ryan."

"Huh?"

"She's asleep."

"Oh right." Ryan put the book down and carefully got up off the bed. Olivia snuffled quietly and curled up and he felt his heart clench. "She's so beautiful Lin'."

"Thank you." Linde smiled and stood up.

"I guess I should go huh?"

Linde sighed and nodded, walking with him to the door.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" Ryan whispered. There was a long pause and Linde stared at him, eyes wide and dark. His heart sank as the silence grew and he sighed.

"Okay, I guess I was pushing my luck," he said quietly, turning towards the door. Linde put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him forward against the door and leaning on him.

"Linde?" he gasped as the blond put his hands on his hips and nuzzled into his neck.

"Shh," Linde whispered, kissing him gently then easing back to turn him round. "Goodnight," he said, kissing him again, so sweetly that Ryan almost wanted to cry, wanted to ask him if he could stay even if it was just to sleep and cuddle. But he gathered his willpower and nodded.

"Goodnight baby," he whispered.

@>*~

Someone knocking on his door woke him and Ryan rubbed sleep out of his eyes as he sat up.

"Yeah?"

The door opened and Bam stuck his head round with his eyes squeezed shut. "Is it safe?"

Ryan snorted. "Yes you doofus."

"Aw." Bam opened his eyes and pouted.

"Aw what?"

"I was kinda hoping, you know, you and Linde..." He trailed off suggestively.

"You and me both Bambam, taking it slow is killing me." He sighed, thinking about too many hot kisses and touches that never got very far before Linde asked him to stop. And it was getting harder to do and he knew Linde was finding it harder to ask him to stop. But as they got to know each other again, spending hours talking and- at least in his case- falling even more deeply in love, Ryan hoped that soon, Linde wouldn't ask anymore.

"Well, it'll be worth it in the end man," Bam said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "He's more crazy about you than ever."

"Yeah?"

"Totally. And I've got a surprise for you all."

"Oh God what?" Ryan said with a grimace.

"Shut up dick, it's a good surprise," Bam snorted, hitting his arm.

"So tell me."

"We're all going to Vegas tomorrow."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"But doesn't Ville start recording his parts tomorrow?"

Bam sighed. "Yeah that's the only catch, I have to leave my baby behind."

"But you do get to check out wedding chapels huh?" Ryan said softly, patting his friend's arm.

"Yeah." A goofy smile spread over Bam's face and Ryan chuckled, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"You're such a dork man, I love you."

"Love you too."

"Come on I'd better get up, I'm watching Olivia today."

"Ah, responsibility test huh?"

"Oh yeah. Not that I mind, she's such an amazing kid."

"Yeah huh?" Bam grinned. "I might have to come and play with you two later."

"Cool. Now come on, get lost I need to uh..."

Bam started to laugh. "Jack off before you see Linde?"

"Fuck you," Ryan snorted. "Probably yeah," he sighed.

Sobering, Bam nodded. "Yeah sorry. Later then."

"Later."

The whole band had a photoshoot that day and would take enough time that they weren't recording and that Ryan had been given a chance to show that he could look after Olivia on his own as Manna was now away on a modelling job. And- for some reason- he was vaguely terrified. He knew he loved Olivia and he knew Olivia liked him, so it should all be fine. She was well behaved and smart so she would require entertaining but he and Bam were quite happy to revert to childhood so why he was worried he had no idea.

At least it was taking his mind off his evergrowing frustration and need, that and Linde being gone for most of the day.

He took a quick shower and took a moment to comb out and trim his beard so he didn't look quite as hobo-ish as he usually did. Maybe things would progress in Vegas, away from family and the pressures of recording. He could only hope.

Dragging on beaten up jeans and a plain white t-shirt, Ryan headed downstairs to join the others for breakfast.

"All set for today Ryan?" Burton asked with a small chuckle.

"Yes of course," he replied, laughing a little nervously.

"Don't tease him Burton," Linde sighed. "Ryan don't worry, Olivia's a good girl, aren't you heila?"

"Kyllä Isi," she said, smiling brightly up at them.

"I know," Ryan said, smiling back at her. "I'm sure we'll have lots of fun, huh Olivia?"

"Not too much fun," Linde said, a stern look on his face. "And don't spoil her, no sweets or sodas."

"Aw Isi."

"Don't aw me young lady, your äiti would kill me if I let you."

Olivia pouted but nodded. "I know Isi but can we watch a movie and have popcorn?"

"Well okay, as long as that's okay with Ryan."

"Oh yeah, that sounds good actually."

"Wait till you see what movie she picks," Burton muttered. Migé snorted out a laugh and Linde tried to suppress a grin. Ryan blinked worriedly.

"Oh?"

"Don't worry dude," Bam snickered. "I'm sure you'll grow to love 'My Little Pony the Movie'."

Ryan flushed and looked down at the table, quickly shovelling some toast into his mouth. Of all his guilty little secrets, the fact that he owned 'My Little Pony the Movie' was his most fanatcially and carefully hidden secret.

"Um sure, okay."

"Really Eno Ryan?"

"Yes of course," he said, looking up at her hopeful tone. "Why?"

"Even Äiti doesn't like to watch it anymore," she replied, looking a little sad.

"Heila, you do watch it a lot and it's not a film for grown-ups."

"I know Isi but I love it."

"Which is why we still let you watch it baby girl."

She smiled up at her father. "Kiitos Isi."

"But it's your turn now, Ryan," Linde continued with a smirk.

"Hey, I'm a man, I can take it," Ryan said, puffing out his chest. The erratic snorts and snickers from around the table erupted into laughter and Ryan grinned, winking at Olivia.

"It'll be fine," he whispered to her. Smiling happily, she got up and jumped up on his lap, hugging him tightly.

"Kiitos Eno Ryan."

Ryan could feel a heavy gaze on him and he looked up, meeting blue eyes with a shiver. Linde's expression was such a mixture of lust, heat and tenderness that he wasn't sure if he wanted to cuddle the older man, kiss him or jump him... or even all three.

"Lin'," he breathed.

"Yeah?" Linde murmured, still staring at him.

"Don't do that."

Linde flushed and looked away. "Sorry."

"Yeah," Ryan sighed.

"Sorry for what Isi?"

"Nothing heila," Linde said, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "Now you be good for Eno Ryan and we'll see you later."

"Okay Isi."

"You be good too," Linde whispered, scratching Ryan's beard and kissing him softly, their lips clinging together until a throat clearing made them pull apart.

"Time to go guys." Another Sire stooge was waiting for them and the band heaved a collective sigh.

"I'll see you later baby," Bam said, getting up and hugging his husband tightly. Ville cupped his cheek and kissed him deeply.

"Rakastan sua."

"Love you too."

Bam leaned against Ryan as they watched the five men follow the stooge from the room.

"Well, I guess I've got some editing to do," Bam sighed, patting his arm. "I'll catch up with you two kids later." He picked Olivia up and swung her round until she squealed then he hugged her close and kissed her cheek before plonking her in Ryan's lap. "You be a good girl honey."

"Yes Eno Bambam."

"Later Ryan."

"Yeah, yeah, get lost so Livy and I can play." Ryan chuckled as Bam flipped him off on the way out of the room.

Olivia giggled. "You called me Livy."

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, only Äiti and Isi normally call me Livy."

"Oh. Do you think they'll mind?"

"Isi won't." She shifted round and kissed his cheek. "Play?"

"Shall we?" He stood, carrying Olivia with him. "Where to?"

"My room."

"Your room it is."

@>*~

After playing in Linde and Olivia's room for the morning, they'd gone back down to the sitting room for popcorn and a movie. Olivia had climbed into his lap and he'd delighted her by singing along with her. Until Bam had walked in and almost killed himself laughing of course. Ryan was still red with embarrassment two hours later, even after Olivia had put make up on Bam and braided his hair. But then again, she'd put sparkly clips in his hair and beard so he was no better off.

They were sitting on the floor, pretending to drink coffee from tiny, plastic cups when the band walked in. Migé, Burton and Gas started to laugh, falling against each other for support but Ville and Linde stared at them.

"What?" Bam said a little defensively.

"Fu-hu..." Ville gaped then suddenly, he stalked across the room, hauled Bam up and over his shoulder and carried him towards the door.

"Woohoo baby!" Bam squealed happily. "Taking me somehwere?"

"To bed."

"All right! Later guys."

"So. I take it you had fun today," Linde said, frowning down at Ryan and Olivia.

"Yes Isi."

"Yeah, it was great," Ryan said cautiously.

"Is that right." Linde nodded slowly. "And who, exactly, is going to clear up all this mess?"

Ryan looked round at the scattered toys that littered the room guiltily. Linde hadn't even seen his own room yet. "Um, well, I will Lin'."

"Uh huh. Burton, will you take Olivia? Ryan and I need to talk."

"Sure, come on sweetheart." Olivia got up, pausing to kiss Ryan's cheek.

"Isi's not really mad, don't worry," she whispered.

"Thank you," he whispered back.

She ran over to her stepfather and he picked her up and kissed her cheek. Migé and Gas followed them out of the room, leaving Ryan alone with Linde.

"Lin' I'm sorry, I was just..."

"Shut up."

Ryan looked up, startled. "But Lin'..."

Linde strode over to him, dropped into his lap and grasped his hair with one hand, yanking his head back. "I said shut up," he whispered, bending and capturing Ryan's mouth in a hard, passionate kiss. Ryan squeaked in surprise and grabbed Linde's shoulders, holding on tightly. If he hadn't already been sitting, his knees would have given way from the lust that spread through his whole body.

Moaning into his mouth, Linde's grip tightened in his hair, pulling him closer. Long legs wrapped round his hips and suddenly, Ryan could feel the heat and solid pressure of Linde's erection against his groin.

Sliding his hands down to Linde's hips, he rocked the taller man into his body. He was hard and desperate and he hoped against hope that this time, Linde wouldn't ask him to stop.

Linde pulled back a little, panting heavily against his lips. "Fuck Ryan, please."

"You, you want to stop?" Ryan asked, chest tight with reluctance.

"No," Linde breathed, rocking harder against him. "I want to see you come."

"Fuck," Ryan gasped, his cock pulsing painfully in his pants. "Fuck baby, I wanna see you come too."

"Mmm, yeah," Linde moaned, wrapping his arms round his neck and kissing him again as they thrust against each other faster.

Linde felt so good against him, hot body, hard cock and soft lips driving him to the brink.

"Fuck yes baby, harder please," he groaned, wishing the older man would take it further but happy that he was getting this much, a chance to see Linde come after four years without, and to come with him.

He gripped Linde's hips tigher, kissing him frantically as pleasure jolted through his body like an electric shock. Suddenly, Linde bit down on his lip and the sharp pain tipped him over the edge. His cry was swallowed by Linde's mouth as he came hard.

"So hot Ryan," Linde gasped, jerking against him again and again until he shuddered and groaned then collapsed against him.

"So, you're not mad at me then Lin'?"

Linde laughed softly, still panting. "No Ryan of course not. You let my daughter put bows in your hair which for some reason makes you incredibly sexy."