Insecurity
Pairing: CLex
Rating: PG-13
Notes: set some time after Prodigal, got into my head after I wrote My Angel II, so if you spot similarities, that's why
Warnings: not really
Disclaimer: not mine
Jonathan descended the stairs quietly. He felt odd wandering about the castle in the middle of the night... he felt odd being in the castle, period! But like Lex had said, they'd taken him in when he was in need, how could he let them stay in a bed and breakfast after the water main broke and flooded their farm. But still, he wasn't comfortable. Almost at the kitchen, Jonathan stopped when he heard voices. Recognising Clark and Lex, Jonathan sidled closer, a little concerned that they were up on their own in the middle of the night, but also curious about what they actually got up to when they were alone.
"Come on, your parents are upstairs, what if..."
"We're not doing anything."
At the suggestiveness of his son's voice, Jonathan moved round so he could see into the kitchen. He had to hold himself back when he saw the two boys curled up on one of the kitchen chairs, Lex snuggling in Clark's lap.
"Not now, but we will be if you don't stop... don't stop!"
Lex's whine astounded Jonathan, as did Clark's chuckle. Did he really want to know what his son had been doing to the other boy though? Thankfully, he couldn't see from his position.
"Evil boy."
"No, I just love to touch your head."
"Freak."
"Weirdo."
"Pervert."
"You dick, pervert is my line."
Stunned by his son's language, Jonathan was momentarily frozen to the spot, unable to look away even when Lex laughed softly and kissed Clark.
"I know, just keeping you on your toes."
"You do that anyway, can't let you get bored."
Lex and Jonathan both flinched at Clark's pained tone of voice. Lex looked hesitant and confused.
"Bored? What makes you think I'll get bored?"
"Lex, I'm just a farm boy."
"Just a farm boy, my ass." Jonathan blinked at the vehemence in Lex's voice. "You are the single most fascinating person I have ever known, and I thought that before I knew... you know."
Jonathan started forward in horror, almost uncomprehendingly, coming to a halt again at his son's next words.
"You can say it, Lex. Alien." Clark sounded desperately small.
"Friend."
"Alien." Again, Jonathan could hear nothing but pain in his son's voice and he flinched, wondering if he and Martha could have done more to reassure him.
"Lover." The soft affection in Lex's voice again was surprising.
"Alien!" This time tearfully snapped at Lex.
"Beloved." Lex's voice dropped to a whisper that Jonathan could only just hear. "I could never be bored by you, I love you."
There was a sigh from Clark, "But..."
"I love you. Jesus, Clark, if anyone should be worried, it's me." Jonathan frowned again, quiet hurt permeated Lex's voice.
"I..."
"No, Clark, you are beautiful, unique. You are incandescant and you light up my heart, but you are worth more, deserve more."
"No." Clark sounded so hurt, Jonathan nearly moved again.
"Yes, Clark. I know you don't... that you're not in love with me, but that's okay..." It was a good thing Clark interrupted him, because Jonathan found himself wanting to comfort the poor boy who loved his son enough that he'd accepted that Clark didn't love him back.
"No, it's not. How can you think that?"
"How can I...?" The soft, not-quite-bitter laugh said it all. "You've never said the words. We've been together six months and friends for longer..."
"Stop!" Jonathan frowned, Clark sounded terrified.
"What, love?"
"I do... I do, but I'm so scared." Clark buried his face in Lex's neck and Jonathan had to look away for a moment when Lex tenderly stroked his son's hair.
"Scared of what?"
"Of what I'm becoming, of what my biological father wants me to be." Clark sounded so lost, Jonathan felt useless.
"And what is that?"
"A ruler, a conqueror."
"Why were you scared to tell me?" Lex sounded as confused as Jonathan felt. "You know I've been fighting the same thing all my life."
Clark had started fidgeting, a sure sign of misery and guilt, as Jonathan well knew. "I didn't want you... I didn't want you to think I could be like him."
The realisation dawned as clearly on Lex's face as it did in Jonathan's heart. "You and my father are worlds apart. I know you, I trust and love you. You'll do the right thing."
"You think so?" Clark sounded so hesitant, Jonathan knew he and Martha would have to have a chat with their son and soon.
"I know so."
"I do love you, Lex, so much."
They cuddled closer and Jonathan started to feel like he was intruding. But before he could turn to go, Lex spoke again.
"Is that it now, all the secrets out?"
Jonathan grimaced at Clark's flinch. "Yes, everything, I promise."
"Okay, good. Now we can work together at having our own lives, what do you say, love?"
A grin audible in his voice, Clark replied. "That sounds perfect. I love you."
"It's nice to finally hear you say that, Clark."
"I'm sorry, I love you."
"I love you too."
The two lovers shifted and Jonathan decided he definitely didn't need to stay any longer. The soft kiss exchanged as he turned actually made him smile. He wasn't angry, or even really shocked. Lex had proved his friendship with Clark and if he looked back, there had always been something more there, for both of them. He could accept it if Clark was happy.
end
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