See, Hear
Sequel/Series: no
Pairing: CLex
Rating: R
Category: first time, angst
Archive: list archive
Notes: Clark is possibly a little melodramatic in this, but he is young
Warnings: nope
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: Clark sees Lex, and overhears something
For my lovely, lovely Smallvillian friends :) Ghini, Ximeria and Christine
Standing outside Lex’s office, Clark raised his hand to knock. Then he stopped, thoughtfully. Sometimes, if he was lucky, and if he caught Lex by surprise, he would get a glimpse of something in his best friend’s eyes, light, warmth, something more than friendship.
However the sight that greeted Clark when he opened the door silently, made him stop in shock. He swallowed and his breath hitched quietly.
Lex was sitting back in his chair, head flung back, back arched and legs spread wide. His slacks and boxers were shoved aside revealing the pale expanse of smooth, hairless skin.
“Oh God,” Clark whispered, palming his uncomfortably tight groin. Mesmerised, he watched Lex jerk roughly on his erection, breathless, flushed, absolutely gorgeous. Clark slowly moved closer, still unnoticed, licking his lips as he rubbed the aching length of his erection trapped in his jeans.
“God,” Lex ground out suddenly, making Clark jump, “God, Cl-oh!”
As a shaft of bitter despair pierced his heart, Clark still couldn’t drag his eyes from his best friend’s trembling body, jets of milky come shooting jerkily from between slender fingers.
Lex dropped back into the chair, panting harshly and Clark froze. Any second now, Lex was going to open his eyes and see him, see that he had not only watched his best friend jerk off, but been overwhelmingly turned on by it too.
Without a second thought, Clark turned and ran, as fast as he could, out of the room and the castle, not stopping until he reached the loft. Flinging himself onto the couch, Clark practically ripped his jeans open and wrapped his hand around his still hard cock, jacking himself hard and fast to the images, scents and sounds imprinted on his brain of his friend touching himself.
“Oh God,” he gasped, coming with a whole body jerk. As he recovered his breath, tears pricked his eyes and he curled up on the couch. How could he been so stupid as to think that Lex might return his feelings? He obviously liked women. It had been a stupid hope, but one that had kept him going. Now it had been irretrievably shattered, with overhearing Lex’s cry of his other best friend’s name.
What was he going to do now?
@>*~
Lex walked steadily through the corridors of the school, eyes stormy, making anyone who got in his path move *very* quickly. He burst into the Torch office without knocking and Chloe jumped a mile, yelping indignantly.
“Where’s Clark?” Lex asked, his voice full of quiet anger.
“Jesus, Lex, you could knock,” Chloe gasped, hand over her heart as she recovered her breath. “I don’t know, he should be here already.”
Lex glared at the young blonde. He was too angry and hurt to be apologetic, even if he had made her jump. Clark had been avoiding him for weeks and he’d had enough. If Clark was going to be out every time he phoned or went round to the farm, never at the Talon and never at the castle, then Lex was damn well going to find him at school.
He wanted an explanation, Lex needed to know why his best friend had deserted him. Because it hurt; it hurt badly.
“Do you want to wait for him?” Chloe asked a little worriedly, she didn’t like the look in his eyes.
Lex leaned over the desk, getting right in her face, even though taking it out on her wasn’t helping anyone. “Damn right I do.”
“Lex?” Chloe whispered breathlessly, almost scared by his intensity.
A strangled gasp caught both their attentions and Chloe glanced up over Lex’s shoulder in time to see Clark disappear. “Clark!” she called.
“That was Clark?” Lex asked quickly.
“Yeah, he just… he ran,” Chloe said with a frown, “I wonder what’s wrong with him, he’s been really quiet lately.”
“Quiet?” Lex turned his attention from the door back to the student, “Quiet how?”
“I don’t know,” Chloe shrugged, “Just, well, he barely speaks to me without looking like he’s going to cry, he never goes out anymore. He’s even been letting the jocks push him around more than usual. All the teachers have been on his case for daydreaming in class. I don’t know what’s going on.”
Lex frowned. That didn’t sound like Clark. He had to find his friend, or this was going to drive him insane.
@>*~
Clark walked slowly towards the Torch office. While it wasn’t Chloe’s fault, sometimes he just couldn’t bear being in the same room as her. But he’d already lost one friend, he didn’t want to lose another.
As he got close, he heard her voice. “Do you want…” the rest was garbled. Clark peered in the door in time to see Lex lean close to Chloe and reply:
“Damn right I do.” In an intense tone that made Clark shiver.
“Lex,” Chloe whispered breathlessly.
Oh God! No, no, were they… could they be together? Clark groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a second, before he took off. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t see them together, it would destroy him.
He ran so fast, he almost flew, through pouring rain and gusting wind until he reached the river. Clark collapsed with a sob on the ground where he’d performed CPR on Lex, where he’d fallen in love with his best friend and not even known it.
How was he going to go back? Not many would believe that an eighteen year old could feel such deep love, but Clark did, not quite from the first moment, but he’d known. He’d known as soon as Lex had taken him down off that cross that he belonged to the bald man, that his heart and soul were forever Lex’s.
And he’d been right, his love had done nothing but grow over the years. And now? Now it was hopeless, he’d lost the only friends he had left, because there was no way he could face them again, not without it tearing his heart to shreds.
@>*~
Lex watched for a moment. Not dispassionately, although he’d tried. The sight of Clark sent objectivity out of the window; the sight of Clark soaking wet and muddy, seemingly sobbing his heart out was enough for him to relinquish higher thought practices and give in to sheer instinct.
Acting on that, Lex slid carefully down the bank and hurried to his best friend. Before Clark had time to acknowledge his presence, Lex wrapped his arms round the larger man and held on tightly.
Clark gasped minutely. He didn’t struggle because he didn’t want to hurt Lex, but he tensed up, unable to relax in Lex’s presence.
“Clark,” Lex whispered over the rain, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing,” Clark replied quietly, “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Something’s wrong, Clark, please don’t lie to me about this,” Lex paused at Clark’s flinch, almost smiling over the reaction because, damn it, Clark had hurt him, and in some ways he wanted to hurt Clark. “What have I done?”
Clark felt his mouth tremble under tears and laughter. What had Lex done? Lived, that’s what he’d done. Lived and taken everything Clark thought he was, turned him upside down and inside out, looked at him, flirted with him… and fallen for someone else.
“Nothing,” Clark repeated.
“Damn it, Clark, don’t do this to me,” Lex whispered desperately. He had to get Clark to talk to him. He couldn’t just lose his best friend, especially without knowing why. “Tell me.”
“No,” Clark shook his head. How could he ever tell Lex how he felt? He couldn’t face disgust, or worse, pity.
“I have a right to know what I’ve done,” Lex gritted out. Despite feeling like his heart was giving out with pain and confusion, Lex was damned if he was letting it go.
“What right?” Clark hissed angrily.
“The right as your friend, how can I make it better if I don’t know what I’ve done?” Lex said insistently.
“Chloe, okay?” Clark shouted, “Happy now?”
Lex’s heart broke. He let go of Clark and sat back, uncaring of the wet mud seeping in through the seat of his pants. Clark thought something was going on between him and Chloe… Lex almost laughed, would have if he could have made his face cooperate. He was in so much pain; pain he’d never have believed a couple of years before.
“I’m not seeing Chloe, Clark, I would never encroach on your territory like that.” Lex got up and started to walk away. He had to be away from Clark before his emotions overwhelmed him and he was the one sobbing his heart out in the rain.
Lex wasn’t with Chloe, Lex wasn’t with Chloe. But… but he still wanted her, he just wouldn’t take what he thought Clark wanted. He stood up and stared at Lex’s rapidly retreating back. With a heartbroken sigh, Clark knew what he had to do.
“Lex, wait,” he called, jogging after his friend.
Lex stiffened at Clark’s call, but stopped and waited.
“Lex, I don’t want Chloe,” Clark said quietly from behind him. “She’s my friend, that’s all. Your way is clear.” Clark bit his lip to stop his breath from hitching and turned, walking slowly back to the river.
He sat down and picked up a stone, throwing it listlessly into the water.
Lex stood, frozen to the spot. Clark thought he wanted Chloe. Lex had thought Clark wanted Chloe. If Clark wasn’t upset about Chloe then why… Oh God. Quiet hope filled him and almost on autopilot, Lex turned and walked back over to Clark.
“Clark,” he said quietly, watching his friend’s shoulders tense. “I’m not in love with Chloe, I have no interest in her.”
Clark blinked, then frowned. He looked up at the older man. “What?”
“Clark, I’ve never wanted Chloe, I don’t understand where you got that idea,” Lex said quietly.
Clark flushed vividly, “I saw… I saw you,” he cleared his throat nervously, making a vague gesture with his hand, “You called out her name, Lex.”
“You saw me?” Lex frowned thoughtfully, wondering what on earth Clark could be talking about. Then it dawned on him. Lex started to smile. Dear God, the irony. Shaking slightly, Lex snorted with laughter.
Clark stared at Lex in complete shock. Lex was laughing at him. Lex had *never* laughed at him before. Clark swallowed hard and screwed his eyes up against renewed tears.
“I’m so glad to amuse you,” Clark said standing hurriedly, “But I have to go now.”
“Clark, wait, please,” Lex gasped, “The only name I call out is yours.”
Clark froze. “What?”
“Every single fantasy I have, is of you. Every wet dream, every loving thought,” Lex whispered, laying his heart on the line with no little trepidation.
“Loving?” Clark breathed. He swung round needing to see Lex’s face, his eyes. What he saw took his breath away. His best friend’s soul laid bare, love radiating from steel blue depths. “Lex?”
“Clark, why were you so upset?” Lex asked softly.
“I thought you were in love with Chloe, and I couldn’t bear it, because,” Clark paused, meeting Lex’s eyes for reassurance, “Because I love you.”
Lex inhaled deeply, eyes closing for just a moment as everything in his world righted itself and his heart mended, filling with happiness. “I love you too, Clark.”
He stepped forward into Clark’s embrace and wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man’s waist. He felt so good, warm despite the weather. Lex relaxed, burying his face in the crook of Clark’s neck. He was happy to stay there, forever if necessary.
Breathing in quietly, Clark pressed a gentle kiss to Lex’s temple and hugged him closer. He closed his eyes and lay his head on Lex’s, sighing happily. His hopes had been filled, his heart was floating. “Can I go home with you?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” Lex replied, “Always, Clark.”
end
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